h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There is a sort of guide in reality, this what it has to say about Earth (and is wrote in Welsh, we translated it for you.)

Yfa lawr, i geel un arall.

ee % 666 as Earth is called (It is where one of their myths get "666" from, it was the call sign to Earth, but humans thought it evil as it came from the stars.)
Anyway, the planet has strange Empath sort of religions, and the planet (God) even sent "sons" and "prophets" to preach good, but humans just ignored the good works of these bits of God, and only kept the parts that suited their selfish ends. So instead of never killing the under sixteens and other basic 23 laws, humans believed in such rubbish as "Women are inferior" "Those who do not believe in me shall perish" (As humans believed immortality was worse that mortality, they used the latter for their goodness), and "Your preacher needs you to empty your pockets for our teachings!". But this is not a lesson on barbaric moralism.


Earth was once the 824th in the list of the billions and billions of planets for its genetical variety, 824th, an amazing high number, none of the million or so 23 planets ever beat that, but man is ruining this, it is now the 18,345th for variety of species, and slipping fast. So Earth is full of aliens (use this as opposed to humans) all trapping insects or taking cuttings to claim the species for their own planet, no one seems to care on ee % 666 for any but the more human like of the species.

Humans are very very good on music, for the 19% of races like the gorby, the class ones and the Sherwoodians, who can appreciate music, it is an heaven planet, but humanity knows nothing about sonar dance, so Earth is full of aliens to it collecting sonar creatures like bats and letting them live on their own patches of land, bats emit a not too good sonar dance, but they can be bred to become intelligent.


Not much more to say about the planet Earth, though it does have the most massive wall in its galaxy, the only one that can be seen from outside its power. Earth is also the planet where our famous plants of Levine, Fortuna, peppermint and licquice grow, planted on the planet before mankind and harvested, it is also where the deadly aniseed and fennel comes from, this will kill anything that have not a temp. immortal button on, though humans are not only immune to this filth, some even like it.
So a warning to aliens to Earth, you might be programmed to eat their food stuffs, but be careful they do not have fennel in, there is a guide booklet at Earth's bee-hive and at tau stations.


I myself, by being the first Insurmalian race person on Earth have been able to buy licquice sweet-firms, and the firm that makes a peppermint cordial, always the best was to have this beauty.
Anyway, not much else to say, look human, act human, obey their laws even when they clash with the 23 laws, and pinch what you want, they will all be dead by 2021 other than the children that already we are giving the immortal streak to.