h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I write on behalf of some very angry and depressed parsnips! After all the effort to reproduce - to survive at all odds pests and diseases - only to find at the moment of extreme sacrifice - having been decapitated, skinned alive, boiled or baked - with their one thought in life to bring pleasure to the humans they worship - to find at the height of such sacrifice they are met with "Yuk!" and "Ugh!" only to be disguarded and cast aside! This is just to much for the parsnip race in general. At this very moment the Federation of Parsnip Production is meeting to decide whether to fight back or self destruct. The parsnip race is divided. Militant parsnips are planning destruction of the human race - others are self destructing in their despair - but some are booking into therapy!! The only answer is 'love'. To avoid destruction of life as we know it - we must 'love a parsnip' today!! Wear this message on a badge, a hat, or a T shirt - and should parsnip invasion/attack come soon - maybe you could be spared.

At last, a true believer!! Someone who recognises the true worth of these sadly neglected tubers. But wait, don`t stop there. What about turnips, yams, and other misunderstood roots. I am here to issue a rallying cry. Yams, parsnips, sweet potatoes, lend me your skins! Rise up, arm yourselves and stand firm against all opposition(if necessary add a small nob of butter for increased stability. You may boil our skins, you may mash our flesh , but you may never take our freedom.

Please, Self-destruct!