h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... I'm the only person on the planet who likes fruitcake.

My friend's mother makes fruitcake, and when she's not looking, they hide it in the shed and then throw it away. Someone took a saw to a few so they pretend they have eaten them ("Oh, I see you like my fruitcake because half is gone!").
My English professor was in England one time (she's a Brunswick girl) for a wedding and someone ordered the entire table a traditional fruitcake and my prof started laughing. When they asked her why, she said, "Where I come from, giving someone fruitcake is an insult."

~Greebo runs in puffing slightly... she is dragging a large first aid box... sliding to a halt she regards the conversation participants warily~

Oh... hmmm... sorry... me thought there was going to be a problem here... with that subject matter... me was all ready to administer a bit of medical aid... ~sigh~... Me means thinking!!! Such a dangerous past time!!! Whatever next... Swimming in shark infested puddles? Running barefoot over yesterdays vindaloo!!!! Tut.. tut... Can't be doing with these sort of shinanigans!!!

~Greebo stares unblinkingly as only a cat can...~

Oh... and can me have some squirty scream on my slice of fruitcake please?

Greebs..xx

Oh, thinking's not so dangerous; I haven't shorted out any brain cells in the last week or so. And it certainly beats cramming all of my belongings into boxes in anticipation of moving, which is what is currently occupying my time. (It's amazing what turns up on the top shelves of some of my closets. No fruitcakes, though.)

My new place has a bigger kitchen, and I've promised myself that this year I will make Caribbean Black Cake for Christmas. Black cake involves lots of dried fruit, a bottle of wine, a bottle of rum, and marzipan icing. It feeds the hungry, consoles the sorrowful, makes the lame walk and the blind see. And because it contains fruit, it's part of a healthful diet.

quizzical
('When I works, I works hard. When I sits, I sits loose. And when I thinks, I falls asleep.')

Well I've been intoxicated a feeeew too many times this week so I don't know much anymore. I think I did my last set of posts whilst completely high.

If one was short on frisbees, and in desperation used a fruitcake, wouldn't it be cruel and unusual punishment for your dog?

Actually, I joke as I love fruitcake. I haven't gotten any for Christmas for 2 years now, which means I must work to be meaner to the more distant relations (because it's considered an insult, here, too; and my protestations to the contrary aren't heeded).

You could try to make it, there are dozens of recipies. But yes, we once used a flat fruitcake slice as a frizbee when it was really cold out (so it wouldn't crumble when it hit the ground). In my office, there was a wedge of laquered fruitcake holding the door open.

MMMMmmmmmm.... Fruitcake!

I saw a special on how one monastery makes one of their popular fruitcakes, and Wow was I surprised at their process. Certainly looks daunting to the home fruitcaker.

I believe that the best I'd ever had was called the 'Gethsememy', or something like it. Fantastic!

You've actually consimed the confection?

And you live?

I'm told that some of the best are baked in cast iron pans. Perhaps that's why they fit so well in my cast iron stomache.

Anyway, with all that booze in them, who'd notice the pain??

So it's more of a morning after thing.

Morning after, night before, whenever: http://ifaq.wap.org/seasonal/bestfruitcake.html

As soon as my oven is working again, I'll start Evil Baking. That's where I shape deserts to look like other foods, i.e. merangue mushrooms, baked Alaska turkey, macadamia nut brownie eggplants, etc.

There's a long and quite popular tradition during the Middle Ages of doing just this. They called their Evil Baking 'subtleties'.

The goal of my evil baking is to serve dessert first.

A subtlety could be served at any time of the meal, but typically it was a sweetmeat of some kind, usually marzipan. I have read of a simulation of an ostrich egg using devilled-(chicken!)egg type of pate.



As for myself, I am shameless and don't need any particular excuse to eat dessert first. The roommate just had to get used to it, is all.

I could really get into eating vegetables if they were made of marzipan and chocolate.

Careful what you wish for, you may get broccoli Jell-o.