h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

OF COURSE!! Helping Fenny find her fish indeed! You blasphemous fiend! How blind we have all been, when all along Fenny has been paying you to find her fish when she is REALLY paying to keep your mouth shut! Why didn't I see this sooner? We all know that Fenny and da' Baron have unlimited supplies of fish, thus it would be no skin of her back to slide a few in your direction now and again. Of course!

Expect to hear from me later!

Despite what you may think, my connection with the mayor is purely buisiness related. Also, I doubt that I've ever really met 'da' Baron', so I don't see how I'm connected with him. The only way I can imagine being connected to him is via the general interconnectedness of all things. Anyway, the reason why I claim to accept money in 'fish or doughnuts' is because those were the first two offers of payment I recieved. Besides, I don't need fish. I have a secret processing plant that allows me to make as many as I want. Watch: Besides, these are serious charges! I have been known to take cases basically because I can do people a favor. But trust me, when I present my conclusion there will be much incriminating evidence against the mayor and . . . Gasp! . . . Bluebottle! Seriously, you aren't going to believe what I've found out.

So, anything to say about the first solution? Have you written up an article about what will most likely be a long and infamous scandle about my alleged "payment in fish"?

no comment.

None? Not one?

Well, this innocent little conversation seems to've landed us in a scandal, Sporkulious. Kinda fun being involved in an international scandal. It's my first one. I say, we plot together (along with the mayor of course) to attract more suspicion. I'll even get around to making "threatening" actions against the public! Nothing serious, of course.

BTW, I don't suppose you know who wrote that article, do you? No, I guess not. Unless you wrote it. Although . . . no, I doubt it.

Well, I'll get around to causing more suspicion!

I know no-thing!

Freedom Deep? Looks like you're toying with fake ID's. Admit it! The Mayor is paying you to accuse me for finding the fish! That way, the mayor can kidnap the fish again without the telepathic goldfish's help! Huge interest in her campaign come next election!

You will here from *me* later!

This is blackmail and slander
Expect to hear from my attornies.

Blackmail and slander, eh? Them's fightin' words! I have armies of lawyers at my disposal who can withstand blows that even Bill Gates would tremble at! Besides, imagine the fate of h2g2 if the telepathic goldfish 'accidently' made its way back to the sewers. I keep that fishbowl on a very, very, very thin pedestal, and while lawyers and attourneys sift through my office looking for evidence agaist me, it would be a bit too easy to knock it off, no?

You may hear from me later. From my secret base of evil. All three of them!

*whistles dixie, gives a nod to Mayor Fenchurch M. Mercury

Is the Mayor here?

*Looks around confused*

If so, then we've got all of the conspirators here. Let's begin plotting total universe wide domination!

Do I need to spell this out? Oh, I suppose I do... ho hum:

I know N-O-T-H-I-N-G!

Yes he does! Don't believe him! Announce to the Post that the three of us are a triad of supervillains who have nothing better to do than scheme malicious mischief and plot against the world, the people, and even the moon of Pluto!

I wonder if this'll satisfy our nosy contributor to the post.