h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

lil wanders deep into the forest and is following a deer trail, it meanders through the trees until it reached a small clearing, which was totally hidden from the settlement and the nearby road.


lil sits down and waits

*As before, eyes gleam suddenly in the shadow of the thicket, and Lady Pennywhistle steps out silently. She leans her back against a tree, chewing a stalk of grass, and waits, not saying a word*

*lil leans forward and look to her left*

Well met by moonlight, Yael. Are we here for the same purpose?

Advance where I can see you clearly.

*walks further into the clearing, casting a pale shadow on the moonlit earth*

*shrugs* I don't know why you're here... I just wondered where you were going, so I followed.

I received instructions to come here and that I would be given further instructions by a friend.

*lil leans forward to look Yael fully in the face*

Are you not that friend?

*shrugs again* Well, I am _a_ friend... but I don't have any instructions for you.

So here I am, I turn up in a clearing and all I want is a cuppa, and find Yael being a freind and handing out instructions (one hopes). So where do I go from here, and where can I get a cuppa?

...and where I go, the simposts follow.

I have no idea what's going on, tonemonkey, but there's tea down there at lil's house. *point towards it*

Well if you are not the friend I was to meet for the instructions and we have a new recruit in our midst, whom you have directed to my house for a cup of *shrug* I suppose we had better to there then.


*lil leads her friends back down the deer trail and out of the forest*

Actually, I think I'll head to my campsite... Such a beautiful night, you can see all the stars.
That must be Orion!

*retreats into the wood, leaving no trace behind her*

creeping slowly, parting branches in the pale moonlight, the once proud Intergalactic Super Villain searches for Lil - he saw her leaving earlier in the evening, clad in Black Leather.......
He sees her! And Lady Penny Whistle.....and somebody else in a clearing.
Mincing gracefully (the only way you can if you are a bloke in high heels) he enters the clearing.......

"lil"
"I have to say that I have quite unexpectedly enjoyed my time in killer heels, Fishnet Stockings and a Rubber Mini Dress. I have completely come to terms with my feminine side, fought off a randy builder who I conned into building me a palacial home down yonder, and I realise that "Slut Red" is my lipstick colour - but for heavens sake, CAN I HAVE MY CLOTHES BACK PLEASE!

I have Evil to spread and I can do that in 6 inch spike heels...

Oi! It tokk ages getting here! And now we are going back for tea?

*lil watches Yael enter the wood...when CaptainCynic blundered towards her, still wearing that ridiculous outfit and highheels*

*thankful for the darkness lil ages sightly before the Captain could see her too clearly*

Clothes? ummm Yes dear. Both of you come with me.

*the three of them continued towards the settlement and lil's house*

*Takes Lil to one side (difficult in heels but go with me)*
I saw your true form earlier oh gorgeous one - but I wont tell..
Why so secretive?
You can tell me - I am a doctor on my home planet....

By the way, is it much further, these Jimmy Choos are KILLING me...

*lil is shocked and embarrassed by this statement and for a moment could not breath*


No, no it is not much farther now! See, just a few more yards to my door.

*lil looks closely at the Captain...had she met him before?*

*The Captain - ridiculously dressed, granted - looks at Lil and recognises her*

Lets have some tea.........and get me out of these please - then...

*Tears spring into lil's eyes....could it really be....he died in the laboratory fire...it couldn't be*


*husky voiced* Where has Tonemonkey gone, he must have got lost.

I shall have to go and find him.

*lil went to turn back*

Stay...........
He can find his own way.......as we can

*lil led the way up the path to her front door. Her heart was pounding, her head was buzzing...she felt faint...and...the tears flowed*

*The Captain (feeling faintly ridiculous dressed as a hooker)Looks at Lil*
Look into these eyes..........do they lie? She walks in Beauty....you know the rest....