h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This season at Bradford City, we're enjoying unusually good crowds thanks to our chairman's cut-price season ticket offer. I was happy to snap up one of the £138 season tickets, and I'm reasonably happy with the way the team is taking shape - especially after yesterday's fine win over Wrexham, courtesy of two very fine goals.

I've just got one problem: my seat is next to one occupied by a particularly miserable old man, for whom City can do no right. He mutters his agreement with every refereeing decision that goes against the Bantams. Everything they try that doesn't succeed gets a sarcastic 'that was very good'. City shots that are saved get a 'good backpass'. Nothing City do is good enough for him, and that was proven yesterday, when we had one of those moments that keep you coming back for more. With a quarter of an hour to go and the score 1-1, Stuart McCall decided to throw an 18-year-old striker named Luke Medley on for his debut. Seconds after arriving on the pitch, with his very first touch in first-team , young Luke lashed an unstoppable volley into the top corner of Wrexham's net. It doesn't get much better than that. I was on my feet cheering, as were all the people around me... except one, still sitting unmoved. Guess who?

It takes a lot to make me lose my temper, but I finally snapped 'give it a rest' at this guy after his fifth or sixth 'nice backpass' sneer (this time after a good shot on target from long range). I also got into an argument with him when he protested at City being awarded a free kick for dangerous play after a Wrexham player had kicked the ball from just under a City player's chin. He's behaved like this at both our home games this season, so he isn't an away fan sneaking into the home seats. I can't really move because I have a friend in the row behind, and there aren't any empty seats nearby. And I'm not sure that my mental health can stand another 20 games of this.

The one good thing is that he's inspired me to be more positive in my Bantams support than ever; I wanted to join in every chant and song just to drown out the sneering old git out and annoy him back. I'm thinking of telling him before the next game that the more he moans, the more I'll cheer and shout for City. What do you think?

I thik you should find increasingly invntive ways to try an annoy him.

Start by being really nice. Offer him sweets. That should at least have him confused enough to shut him up for a while.

I have been in this boat before. I rember argyle scoring a particularly good long range shot and the prat next to me remarked "Well he could have hit it first time".

My god if you dont like the team why pay to go and watch them?!?!?!?

Many years ago - when Coventry first went all ticket - I sat next to a couple just like this - they must have been in their 60's and they complained about everything City did, and disagreed with every referee's decision, which ever way it went.

I recall one instance when City got a penalty - "He dived" "Yes, the ref's been caught out there." Stuart Pearce blasts the penalty goalwards, to a stunning save from the keeper. "Telegraphed it, made it easy for the keeper." "Yes - he should have held on to it."

Everyone else in the stand has been up and down like a jack in the box on ecstacy, they haven't moved.

They complained about the bar prices, the programme prices, (but always bought one) the lack of atmosphere, the noise, the swearing, people arriving late, people leaving early.

If it happened they complained.

I wrote an article about that season, which was I believe re-printed in 'When Saturday Comes' they were only half of it ~ I didn't buy another season ticket for over 20 seasons.

Glanford Park's take on this particular fixture is known as 'Loud Kev', for very good reasons. He was very effective back in the basement division days, when the ground was only about a quarter full.

Many a promising young player has had their career ruined by Loud Kev waiting for a suitable lull in the crowd noise before booming a compliment along the lines of: "Neil! You're a bloody waste of space and your Mum's a prostitute!"; easily audible from all four stands and to massive applause from the away end.

I wonder if he can still do it now that we're filling the ground to it's modest 9000 capacity.

B

Hi Ormy count yourself lucky the guys behind me, I've nicknamed them Stadler and Waldorf started to moan a full 8 minutes into our season, moaning just as they did all of last season why they shouldn't have renewed their season tickets. I'm looking forward to another full season of this no doubt.

You will always get idiots like this in sports grounds, the secret is to make sure they are outshouted by real fans there to support the team

That, Alfredo, is precisely what I intend to do at the next game.