h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't mean to butt in, but at the window it seemed as though you were certain that you would get this accepted. So I thought I'd pop over and maybe give you a couple of hints to be successful. These are by no means instructions, just suggestions. Feel free to ignore them.
First and most importantly. Don't hold your breath. Currently the wait is about fourteen weeks. At least this gives you plenty of time to refine and hone.
Second, The eds like the stuff submitted to be factual first, and funny second. I'm sure If you did a quick search you could find some research being done somewhere, and some lab-coats blowing themselves up. You could try http://science.cc.uwf.edu/sh/curr/magforce/magfield.htm
For some factual stuff about the field surrounding earth. Other factual force fields I know are a 'Plasma bottle' which contains plasma (Gas at a temperature high enough that the electrons do not orbit the nuclei of atoms, but roam freely) and a window, which birds still haven't figured out, and neither have drunks.
Third, make it easily read. Headings and subheadings work a treat. For instance:
Force Fields

What are they (H)
Are there any real ones(H)
Magnetic fields(SH)
Acoustic(SH) (I just remembered this one. It's basically a very low frequency sound at high amplitude. As you approach it, you start to feel sick. Closer, you vomit uncontrollably. At close range, your innards liquefy. Currently under R&D by the US Army)
A window(SH)
What to do if you come into contact with one.(H) (Magnetic, earth youself. Acoustic, turn around, go back. Window, smash it )

I only point this out as I was very disappointed when my first article wasn't accepted.

Thanks, Haze. I've read the submissions guidelines and am aware of the fact thing. However, I think Slartibartfast put it best when he said, "I'd far rather be happy than right any day," and am looking forward to my first rejection. I appreciate your comments; I might use some of this material in another article I am working on about acoustics.
See you at the window.