h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Minos! I feel the change coming on - I felt GL coming through just then. We'll need to lock ourselves up soon.

*Sits, with a finger poised high over the 'return' key.*


I'll be done when I hit this keeeeyyyyy!


*grins at KL as he slowly lowers his finger*

Oh no! And I'm still at the drawbridge....if only there was a way to get to the end in one turn with the text that I've already written. Let's see what I've written....several directional commands seperated by periods, enough to get me out of the game.

*Hits enter*

*Brings his finger down on the shift key while looking at KL*

Read 'em and weep, Minos. I'm ...

*glances at his screen*

Wha...? Oh man!

*stabs the return key*


Come on, come on...

*That gives Minos just enough time to hit the spacebar when the text momentarily pauses at the word "-MORE-." KL watches as both screens seem get to the end at roughly the same time*

Hmmmm....another photo finish....I hate these....

Should we work on figuring out exactly who was ahead, or worry about the alarm? It's been a while since that thing went off.

Alarm? What...oh yeah.

You remember last time it went off? It was a stupid spider, trying to make a web on the sensor. Still, we'd better check it out anyway.

*Walks across the room, panting from his recent efforts. Sits down at another monitor. Punches a few keys.*

Okay, the cameras show nothing unusual in that sector. I'll send an email to security to check out the sensors up there when they get time.

*Types a message and sends it.*

Now we can figure out who won.

There it goes again - I'm sure GL came through for a minute there. When's our next scheduled lock-up?

*Checks his digital watch*

Five hours. We've got time. Although I will admit, you did look a bit stranger than normal there.

Okay, we can use the security cameras to see who finished first.

*Rewinds the tape and pushes play. Goes to slow motion as both screens show the game coming to an end. Hits pause at the critical moment.*

Well, Minos, this is a first. In all these years, one of us has always beaten the other. But here we have our very first tie. It just goes to show that no matter how sure you are about what can and can not happen, the unexpected can always jump up and bite you on the nose.



Kinda heartening, isn't it? It's been pretty boring around here for a long time, but who knows, even today something exciting could be brewing!

Maybe. I just hope it's better than the last time that something "exciting" happened. That cosmic imp FACE dropped me into that weird puzzle box thing.

*Shudder*

Nice for occasional adversaries to keep in touch like that, but there's gotta be a better way to say hello.

Yeah, I really miss having a good old fashioned battle against seemingly amateur good guys. They always win, of course, but it sure breaks the boredom.

Harumph! Not much chance of that happening anymore.

Yeah. The odds of that happening are roughly the same as the odds of my refrigerator falling back to Earth in The One's front yard.

*Sighs*

I can't believe that the Draco ran out of missiles during its last battle and we had to use the refrigerator. But then again, that was the one thing that the Pizzars weren't expecting, so it did penetrate their shields and destroy the main ship.

Yeah, and once we'd discovered that weakness, we were able to take out all of their secondary ships with various small appliances. You know, we never did find another toaster that was quite as good as the one that destroyed that little pizzar fighter. Remember how well the "thaw" setting worked with frozen mittens? *sigh*

Well, yeah. But it's a hollow victory to say the least.

I mean, on the one hand we pretty much made it clear once and for all to alien invaders that Earth was off limits and under supervillain control.

But with the damage that we sustained during that last battle with the Pizzars, we also pretty much ensured that we wouldn't be invading other planets any time soon.

I guess that's what you call irony.

No, what happened to the Pizzar scout ship was irony. Ha ha ha. Get it? Irony? We destroyed it with an iron? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Unfortunately, we had to put up with wrinkly clothes for months afterwards. Not good for the image at all. But I suppose you have to expect some deprivation after fighting a major battle.

Still, I really DO miss that old toaster. Remember the retro look it had?

Yeah. They just don't make toasters like that anymore. You know....what with how it was made of metal and all.

Yeah. And the micro-precision optical sensing brownness control meant that your toast always came out exactly how you wanted it. I used to set it at "light carmel", but I always wondered why they had a "midnight black" setting - I mean, who would want their toast like that?

Waiters who've gotten fed up with the lousy tips from breakfast regulars.

Hmmmm. I suppose you're right.

And do you remember the plate sensor it had? It would search the area nearby for your plate, and then pop the toast right onto it. I remember trying to fool it once by hiding my plate. It popped the toast onto my head.

Man, I miss that toaster.

As do I. As do I.

You know....that toaster might still be orbitting around the planet. We could launch something to find it. And you know, maybe that something could have a photacyon tranceiver on it, then we could send it further out for us after it'd sent the toaster back to us.