h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*looks at the Kid and then at the sole remaining straw*

Are you feeling lucky today Kid ?

*looks at the silent Semisweet Kid*

I guess the Cat's git yer tongue Kid .... or maybe yerv got too gud a deal here in the mine fer a bit of graft outside eh

Still we've got to git a move on and that noise needs checking out so I guess I'll jest have ter check out the last straw fer myself.

*releases hand to show another 8 inch long straw*

Well that settles that !

*hands Butch his Hat*

Tek care, Butch. You knows what they says, "nature bores a horse vacuum." I ain't got no idear what it means, but it ain't good I reckin.

Dang!

*Takes hat*

Nature, eh? I'll have to remember that if there really is a vacuuming horse up there.

Now, youse guys got any ideas how to get up there? The old elevator's gone an the stairs are sealed up. The outside stairs to the balcony are rotted away...

Wait a minute! Kid, you remember when you had to clear those macraccoons out of the chimney? Warn't that there chimney attached to another one that went to a fireplace upstairs? Maybe I could get up thar that-a-way.

*Walks over to the fireplace in the lobby, and ducks inside.*


Now, I suppose I jes lay my finger side my nose and rise up. Har har har.

Give me a boost up, someone.

*A door adjacent to the lobby with a sign on it reading "Surface To Underground Missile corp Pan-European Division" opens and a dapper figure emerges to watch what's going on*

Ah kin give yew a hand Butch, ah'm still a bit consumptive from the Fission Chips but ah giss ah help yew out.

*coff*

*Wraps his hands around Butch's ankle and hoists*

Yer mean when I'ze *surpersed* to clear them macraccoons outta thar. I ain't never done it, on account a them rattlesnickers be'en in thar too. I hate rattlesnickers.

Rattlesnickers? Let me outta here!

Oh, wait, here's the other chimney, an I kin see light at the bottom of it.

*Ominous rattling noise, followed by sound of mad scrambling and a thump*

*hears talking, a faint call from above then a dull thud*

Butch ? Butch ? Are you OK boy ?

*coff ~ coff ~ coff*

Darn it, I'll have to go up and find out whut's happened, and me with ma consumption an all

*starts the climb up the chimney*

Jeez Choc, don't be a wus .... Butch knows whut he's doing.

*yawns and sees an interesting article in the Mine newsletter*

Hey, there's a story here on the archeological excavation of the site of Vavoom City. I bet you guys didn't know that Vavoom was supposed to be a real den of iniquity - there was nothing you couldn't get there for a few megamoxons.

The City was destroyed in the Italic Wars and lost for several thousand years until last week.

Ain't that cool ?

Sure is Hersh. Whut was that other place you cud git anything from a purty gurl to good sipping whisky ?

Wuz it the Amusehome or something like that ? Ah kin never remember these old places but they do say that the gel that ran the joint now looks after the One at the Tower if yew know whut I mean

har har har

I'se only itersted if they finds the real Peta Gulch. Now thar's a real histerical place, yer betcha. I read once where they thunk they found it, only it turned up to be nothin but a forest o'coffee beans.

*Calls up the chimney*

Hey Doc, yer see Butch yet?

*from somewhere above*

Butch is in deep doo doo Kid, he's trussed up like a turkey at Thanksgiving.

Har har har

*pauses*

Wait a godddam minute thar's all sorts o' new foot prints in the dust here ..... pretty recent too by the look of them

Tarnation! I's gunna have ter crawl up there with the rattlesnickers after y'all.

*Starts climbing up the chimney, but pauses*

Yer guys comin' too or what?

Count me in Kid ..... if Butch is in trubble ah wunt a piece of the action

*climbs following the Kid up the chimney*

*watches the entire CLI-STUMPED Security team climb up the chimney*

Right behind yew Boys

*stays firmly in comfy chair reading the paper*

Suckers !

*completes the crossword in the newspaper which is called the "Scientific, Technical, Undertakers, Medical and Professional Educators Daily" *

*Goes gets himself a coffee and chortles silently to himself heh heh heh*

.... and I git to use the remote control all by maself

*gets up and walks over to a door marked "Sneaky Tricky Underhand Macchevellian and Prohibited Exercises Department" and walks in shutting the door behind him*

~the lobby is presently unattended by CLI-STUMPED Security personnel~

*Appears in the fireplace from above.*

*the door marked "Sneaky Tricky Underhand Macchevellian and Prohibited Exercises Department" opens and Hersh's head sticks out*

Whut in tarnation ! That you Butch ? Where yew boys bin ?