h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello people!

I joined the Church of the True Weevil a week or so ago, and, well, in my naivety I was really expecting incredible spiritual awakening. I was anticipating a huge change in my life.

I was, of course, wrong. For several days I grew more and more depressed about Weevils. I slumped into a general morass, feeling unloved and uncared for. I began to see Weevils as callous and mean. It wasn't until today that I truly felt like part of the Church. I was walking along Canterbury high street when lo and behold I saw a Medway Chaucer-reciting Weevil, which is one of the rarest and most specialised breeds. He was apparently busking by reciting "The Wife of Bath's Tale" to passers by. He had a very small ammount of money so I offered him some loose change, feeling sorry for him. He was delighted, and immediately blessed me with eternal good fortune and happiness.

Suddenly everything was clear to me. Weevils are people too, and they need our help as much as we need theirs. It was selfish of me to assume that I should be getting anything out of Church membership while Weevils are suffering and destitute on the streets of Canterbury.

The lesson I've learned is an important one, I think. Firstly, Weevils have feelings, and it is through mutual respect and support that we can live along side them. And secondly, it is at least a week after joining a church that spiritual awakening really happens.

It's so great to hear such heartwarming weevil tales such as this. Weevils just want to be our friends.

I read this to Kensington and he immediately gathered the hundreds of other weevils that currently dwell in my apartment and they all had a corn syrup toast to the hapless Chaucer-reciting weevil.

I wonder if any other members of the church have had any such experiences with other types of weevils?

Well the other day I was finishing off a beer and I saw the strangest thing... One of the Mexican Hairless weevils had a friend along. I asked him who his friend was. He replied that it was Paco and he was a Mexican Jumping weevil. To prove his point he then jumped into my beer and drank it from the inside down. In this way I was blessed and was able to identify yet another form of our favorite insectia friends.

That's great to hear, Marv. Weevils really are our friends. I've been considering the German Gulping Weevil recently, after reading your post. I found one only the other day, gulping down some Labatt Ice like there was no tomorrow. Do you think there's any relation between German Gulping Weevils and the Mexican Jumping Weevil? Both seem to have an extraordinary taste for beer...

There could be at that... The Mexican jumpng weevil also has a taste for tequila. I was mixing a margarita when the little bugger jumped into the bottle. Well after the draining of the bottle (where do they put it all?) we had to drive the little guy home. He would *not* remove the lampshade for any reason. Well he stayed away from alcohol for a few days after that let me tell you!

I can well believe it! There were a few weevils in the bar tonight, watching the England-Germany football match. That German Gulping Weevil was really drowning his sorrows afterwards...I don't have that much sympathy though - he was supporting the other team, after all. But he'll have a headache whenever it is he wakes up!
The rest of the weevils were happy though, especially a pair of those Chaucer-reciting guys - you should have heard the racket they made when England scored. Mind you, most of what they were shouting was in 15th Century Middle English...