h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Stand upright, shoulders back, back straight - that's the ticket - now take a glass vase, hold it out arms length at around about shoulder height and drop it.

With any luck it should smash rather spectacularly.

Now what quiet interesting thing could you do with a Hopi Indian, a small division of Napoleon's Army in the Egyptian Campaign, and a chicken, to ensure that the vase never reaches the ground?

There are klaxons, naturally - so be bold, preferably interesting, but never obvious.

Good luck!

For some reason this reminded me of Zeno's paradox, where the hare can never overtake the tortoise. Is it something like that? You can somehow show that the vase never quite makes it as far as the ground?

Hopi Indians had some strange ways of looking at reality, at least according to Carlos Castaneda (who basically made it all up) and, um, I don't know anything about the Egyptian Campaign though I guess it happened in Egypt, and chickens can't catch. Is that it?

Oooh, QI's back in force!

The only thing I know about the Hopis is that they are a very female-oriented society. They have chieftesses and tribe mothers, rather than the inconvenience of having men doing the job.

The vase, maybe, could be a symbol of femininity, as popularised by Dan Brown. I can't see Napolean having a female regiment, though.

This is all just pondering.

B

I'm also vaguely reminded of the 'buttered cat' paradox, whereby if you spread the top half of a cat with butter (I like to add Marmite) and drop it, it will never hit the ground.

I'm then further reminded of Terry Pratchett's corrolary on Schrodinger's cat, where if you lock a cat in a box, the cat could be a) alive, b) dead, or c) bloody furious.

B

This is probably irrelevant, but the vase wouldn't necessarily break. Well, not at first anyway...

When I was a student (a long, long time ago, but I can still remember) we went a bit mad with explosives in the autumn term of my final year. In one incident we put a milk bottle on top of a firework. When the firework went off the milk bottle jumped into the air, bounced on the concrete slabs, and then came down with a smash.

I think it bounced because it landed on the bottom rim, obviously the thickest bit of glass in the bottle, and as it couldn't break on that particular spot, it bounced.

Admittedly further experiments in explosives resulted in one of my housemates completely splitting open the middle finger on his right hand, right down to the bone. Unsurprisingly, we disposed of all the evidence fairly quickly after that. In the end, his finger was repaired, he made a full recovery, and it made for an interesting story at his wedding.


Geggs

Well Napolean attacked Egypt to establish a French colony, and started off showing the Mamelukes that being brilliant horsemen was no good against modern cannon and disciplined musketry.

He wasn't short of money because he'd grabbed Malta on the way, and soon came to Cairo where he defeated the army under Murad Bey. There was then the rebellion in Cairo by the public, only stopped when he turned the cannon on the Mosque. Most of Napoeons problems came from the Royal Navy, Nelson cut his supply lines at Aboukir Bay (or something like that) and Sir Sidney Smith who captured his seige cannon.

Eventually after about 3 years and after being stalled at Acre by a determined defence Napoleon went back to France.

However, THE battle of Egypt is Mt Tabor where 1500 French troops under General Klebr held out against 35,000 troops under the Pasha of Damascus. Basically they formed 2 small squares and fought them off for 8 hours until Bonapart arrived with a couple of cannon and saw them off.

I'm guessing this is the small group Clive is talking about.

There is a Hopi prophecy about the world turning upside down I think - that would stop the glass hitting the floor - but doesn't really fit in with the question - I'm just showing off.

>>You can somehow show that the vase never quite makes it as far as the ground? <<

Somehow, yes.

It's the how I want.

>>Oooh, QI's back in force!<<

I've had a busy month and then this evening a particle of inspiration came sleeting through the upper atmosphere, collided with the base of my brainsteam, ricoheted around my central nervous sytem for a bit- and emerged as an idea - and I thought, that'd make a god QI - and voila!



>>The only thing I know about the Hopis is that they are a very female-oriented society.<<

Correct, but irrelevant.



>>The vase, maybe, could be a symbol of femininity<<

It's the kind you could stuff flowers in, even plastic ones. In other words nothing special and nowt to do with metaphors for femininity, unless you stick plastic daffodils... - nevermind.


>>This is all just pondering.<<

And fine work it was too - no points added, none taken away. Keep this up and you'll achieve a perfect nought!

No.

>>I think it bounced because it landed on the bottom rim, obviously the thickest bit of glass in the bottle, and as it couldn't break on that particular spot, it bounced.<<

Well all things are possible I suppose; let's just assume for giggles that this vase is especially fragile and liable to shatter upon impact.

I don't care whether or not it bounces, I want to make sure it never reaches the floor.

Very, but not Quiet, interesting, a bit of anthropology, a spot of history, and a sprinkle of animal husbandry, will see you clear to the solution to this riddle.

>>I'm guessing this is the small group Clive is talking about.<<

No, it isn't.


"Most of Napoeons problems came from the Royal Navy, Nelson cut his supply lines." Barely relevant but have a DGI +1 for encouragement.

The Hopi, I think I'm correct in saying, believed the world to be made a series of layers, rather like a tiramisu. Not that this nugget of information will be of any help to you whatsoever, but there we are.

OK "a bit of anthropology, a spot of history, and a sprinkle of animal husbandry"

Starting with anthropology the chicken would need to be rooster whose egg would now need to be sat upon by a toad for 7 years, this would hatch a cockatrice or basilisk. These of course can turn things to stone with a glance.

Now obviuously turning the glass to stone wouldn't stop it hitting the floor, but might stop it breaking. This must mean that one of the French regiments was named the Toads for some reason.
Any good ?

No alchemy involved!

Anything to do with Code Talkers? I thought they were mostly Navajo, but there might have been some Hopi.

B

Sheltering behind the Hopi Indian, ask Napoleon's two divisions to take careful aim and shoot the glass after it leaves your hands.

While the poor Hopi fellow will be perforated by dozens of notoriously inaccurate musket balls, the vase should be pulverised beyond recognition.

Voila, what will have reached the floor will in fact be a fine collection of glass shards, which'll sting a little when our Hopi martyr slumps on top of them.

Celebrate a job well done by asking said French soldiery to turn the poulet into some sort of chicken chasseur.

C'est magnifique!

>>Anything to do with Code Talkers?<<

No enigma here. The solution is not in code.

>>Sheltering behind the Hopi Indian, ask Napoleon's two divisions to take careful aim and shoot the glass after it leaves your hands.

While the poor Hopi fellow will be perforated by dozens of notoriously inaccurate musket balls, the vase should be pulverised beyond recognition.<<

The point is that the vase should not smash, and should not reach the floor, vaporising it in a hail on gunfire won't do.

Hmmm, put a chicken into the vase, hold the vase bottom-up, and somehow get it to flutter - htus keeping the vase in the air? Not sure how the Hopi Indian (is he the one holding the vase?) and Napoleon's Egypt army get into the equation, though.