h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Britney, now that would be scary

How about an indian language (not sure which one) version of the beatles sitar backed Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown). Quite interesting the way the band (Cornershop) manage to fit all the words in. Of course they could be singing nonsense and I just don't know it

Use your Swiss Army knife, silly. There's bound to be one thingy that will repel/tame/befriend whatever's in the box. I think you can reach in -- I did when I was pushing the box -- but IT can't reach out.

Handy. I hope whatever's inside is friendly. Maybe it's pissed cos we're all dissing it from outside.

*crate shakes and steams and foams etc*

So, is there a latch on it? Or do I have to smash it with my Jozo Ru?

Hey Phil, whay's this stuff about nonsense Beatles? Some Injuns done a cover of it or something?

I bet it's a cute baby dragon. I wonder what they eat? I'll be right back -- I have some minced beef in the fridge. Wait for me! *gropes her way to massive door and goes in search of something a small monster might like*

*returns with plastic carrier bag* I was going to do a shepherds pie, but I'll order in a pizza instead, if I live through this. So. I'm ready for you to open and identify your gift.

A yes, the big Gothic oak door will steel plating. The Kinights Templar guys battered on the other side of that in a desperate attempt to save their komrades on 1169...I love ancient history . Perhaps you'd like a tour of the ancient history of this place?

Shouts down from on high.

Mike I found the ladder up to this cherry picker.

Switches on and moves spot to where MikeA, Lil and the crate are standing. Fiddles a bit and a nicely focused white beam circles them all.

The beatles cover I meantioned was by Cornershop. They're a bunch of british asians who use some traditional instruments - sitar, tabla - as well as the usual guitars and drums. They covered Norwegian Wood on their first album, When I was Born For The Seventh Time. It was quite freaky the first time I heard it, and realised what it was they were singing. They had a hit a year or so ago with Brimfull of Asher after Norman Cook remixed it.

3-way simulpost!!!
I got the beef, Phil's got the spotlight, and YOU have the honours...

Ok, looks like it's down to me. Thanks for this opportunity, guys

Now, get this. On the h2g2 front page, I glance at the busiest forums...and see Mrs Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH at #5 spot. Intrigued, I click the link...and end up here!
This guy in here must be freaking things out

Shortcoming of the current database -- it never updates the title, no matter how much you recycle the page.
*bag of minced beef begins to drip blood*

*Realises there are a few more lights he can control while on the rig.*

How bout this..

*Red light bathes the pit, with a nice spooky blue round the edges.*

[YK slips in]

[Jar-Jar Binks, on the sidelines, says, "Dis is gonna be messy." He covers his eyes and says, "Me no watchen!"]

If we run out of beef, then can we toss in that bloody Gungan?

Ok ok, I summon the great warrior from the grave...I summon LOCOTR!

*huge flash of lightning and the crack and roll of thunder*
*fans smoke away*
Hello just dropped in to see what's up I thought I heard my name called.

Rah!

Who dare summon me? An englishman? Pah! You are not even englishMAN! More like english RUNT, or even better, english W****R!
Fear me, englander, for I am a SCOTTISH god! Now give me mah voddy.

A scottish god in a swedish pit summoned by an english boy with american auntie? Who'd have thought it? I pity you all.

Now, shall I summon this beast from it's box? No. Bugger off. RAAH!

*Locotr picks up box and hurls it at Mike - but convieniantly misses. A 1000 Curses.*

Grr

*box strikes one of the spikes rimming the pentagram and the top flies off*
*as the crate falls to the ground, a leathery eggthe size of a labrador retriever tumbles out and lands on its side with a muffled squeak*

Calm down Locotr. Bloody scots....

Hmmm, this egg...doesn't seem to be smoking any more. What could we do with it? Heat it up? Prolly. I have to leave real quick now anyhow

I'll wrap it in a bale of hay and we'll look at it tomorrow.

[disproportionately deep voice] Boht ... can you-sa be defeatin' ME-sa? [Rears up, thrusting his robes back, showing a rather nice looking sheath with the obvious hilt of a sword coming out of it] Haahaahaahaahaaa!

Mighty LOCOTR! As a direct decendant of the mighty Picts that once roamed the lands of Alba, Heed my words!
'Nach gabh sinn deoch, ma tha!'
By the mighty Sgian Dubh I command it!
Or I'll show you what's under MY kilt!