h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Pour Encourager Les Autres - A21753849
Author: SWL™ All science is either physics or stamp collecting - U1775547

A topical entry?

There's this thing called 'recentism' which I encountered when I added a bit about a recent test match to my Entry on Law 42 of cricket - it wasn't going to be that notable an event compared to the importance of the rest of the Entry, but because it was recent it seemed important. We'll just have to see how much of a landmark this selling stories thing is - for now, I'd keep the mention in, to see what others think.

Good work on the main part

However, there are a few nitpicks... and what are those subheaders doing there? If an Entry doesn't have headers, it can't have subheaders, and besides, the way you've used them will upset h2g2 mobile.

on the deck of HMS Monarch on the 14th March, 1757.
-->
on the deck of HMS Monarch on 14 March, 1757.

on the 21st October 1805
-->
on 21 October, 1805

atter half of the Eighteenth Century --> 18th Century

"he did so knowing this was backed with the threat of execution"
- Nelson died anyway, so maybe 'the threat of dishonour' might be a stronger wording.

HMS Cornwall --> HMS Cornwall

Alex

Hmm, I've always used subheaders that way. I thought the main header was the title. They help to break up the text IMO and keep it accessible. Should I use headers or omit them entirely?

Other changes made BTW

Another great read!

I know it's early, but it's looking good...so shall we knock off a few typos?

Intro 1st line: [sailors and marines]

Foundations Of Empire 1st para 2nd line: [an admiral.]
(Unless part of a name, ranks are not capitalised.)

Foundations Of Empire 2nd para 3rd line: [full-blown]

Foundations Of Empire 2nd para 4th line: [lightly-armed]

Foundations Of Empire end 2nd para: [admirals]

A Crucial Moment In History 1st para last line: (off-loaded at St Philip)?

A Crucial Moment In History 2nd para 1st line: (off the coast)?

A Crucial Moment In History 2nd para 2nd line: [characterised]

A Crucial Moment In History 2nd para 5th line: [might still be nearby]

An Example Must Be Made 1st para 4th line: (unduly)?

An Example Must Be Made 2nd para 5th line: [Even a recent change to the Articles of War, making officers responsible for their actions, was not]

A Navy Invigorated 1st line: [captains and admirals]
A Navy Invigorated 2nd line: (to blindly follow orders to the letter, but to execute the spirit)?

A Navy Invigorated 4th line: [step-by-step]

A Navy Invigorated 4th line: [captain]

A Navy Invigorated 4th line: (might find himself)?

A Navy Invigorated 6th line: [naval officers]

A Navy Invigorated 2nd para 7th line: [21 October, 1805]

A Navy Invigorated 2nd para 7th line: [signalled]

[Modern-day Consequences]

Sorry I wasn't clear - I meant that you should use headers instead of subheaders.

Thanks chaps

<<A Navy Invigorated 4th line: [captain]>>

I think I should stick with the capitalisation as, in this case, I am referring to a position rather than a rank. A LtCdr can be Captain of the ship.

Your proof-reading is muchly appreciated though

Fascinating entry - well done.

Just two nitpicks:

I love the title, but it's not an easy thing to search on. Having said that, I can't think of a snappy alternative.

This will soon be out of date, as I think was mentioned previously. One thing to add: the Defence Secretary might turn out to be a casualty of this incident. I think we lost two or three of those during the Falklands, didn't we?

Icy

Very interesting entry .

I was about to question the latter paragraph too, but Icy beat me to it.

On the whole, though, it seems that society's attitudes are moving away from the spirit of personal responsibility and initiative and moving back to the whole "someone has to tell me to do it / not do it (delete as appropriate)" thing. Hence why the HMS Cornwall's commander did nothing. But that could be a whole other debate .

Well done on the entry .

The thing is, I lost my first draft when IE crashed, which kind of knocked me for 6. The original continued on from Trafalgar and investigated why the "Nelson Touch" disappeared from the RN due to improved communications and a stabilising of the Empire's borders. The navy reverted to being hidebound and following orders to the letter as senior admirals took a firmer grip. The effect has progressed to the point that ship's Captain's now have very little room for on the spot decision making. We lost HMS Coventry in 82 because the skipper was on the phone to Northwood at the time, interfering with communications. Furthermore, as the navy has contracted in size, the opportunity for promotion has been severely limited. To get on in today's navy, you are expected to be a manager and keep your nose clean. Added to this is that with so few ships, the rank of the CO has been rising. HMS Cornwall, a frigate, was commanded by a Commodore FFS! At this level of seniority, the guy has had 20 years experience of not taking risks and not making decisions.

However, all this made the piece unwieldy. I feel the size it is now makes it more accessible and less influenced by my own opinion.

The opening and closing paragraphs do place it firmly in a timeframe, but they give it an immediacy and relevance. I can always update it later to remove the current affairs aspect, still leaving the rest as a coherent whole.

The wonders of Microsoft... I see your point about length and content, as it could have become an opinion piece .

As a background to the phrase, it works well, I think.

Actually, I'd forgotten about that

It was discovering the origins of the phrase that set me off and provided the inspiration in the first place. Learning that it had a direct relevance to current events and had an interesting history itself was a bonus.

This is really in superb condition and well constructed Very good

I only have a few nitpicks from my read-through:

>>...stir up public resentment at markets...<<
you can see how a literal mind might interpret this. perhaps replace 'resentment at' with 'outrage in' or something.


>>despite the public opprobrium<<
again, to be literal minded - do you mean his public shame, or the public's reproach? However you mean, opprobrium is always a good strong word to use.

I like the title, in retrospect - but I'll hazard to guess that it'll be changed for you somewhere along the editing line. You might just pre-pend 'To kill and Admiral' or, you know, whatever suits your fancy.

Very good piece of work

(*an* Admiral )

Changes made

btw, I have just enjoyed my second read-through as much as the first

Pleased to hear it

I must get around to reading it myself one of these days

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Well done!