h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Remember what you thought about your parents when you were a child.
I think this gets everything into proportion and you tend to be more rational when dealing with requests.Sometimes this can backfire though
I remember telling huge whoppers about where I was going when I was a teenager and I think I will be very dubious about believing my daughter when she becomes a teenager!!!
Maybe I'll just say okay now tell me where you are REALLY going.I won't mind but don't fib!
The other thing that I find that has helped my relationship with my daughter is that I believe we are friends as well as mother and daughter.Our golden rule is that we don't have secrets from each other.
Treat your children as you would like to be treated yourself.Don't patronise them.Be on the same level and don't think that as you are the adult you know better ALL the time.Try to see their point of view.

Maybe this needs dividing into how to deal with small kids and how to be friends with your teenagers.
I'd be very dubious inded about having no secrets. My mother went to her grave not knowing I'd cut school to go and see "Rock around the Clock" for example.So I think I'd amend that one to" Tell your kids they can talk to you about anything and mean it. If they say something is secret, or private do NOT pass it on".

I partly agree with what you've said but wouldn't it be better if a teenager could tell the parent where they were really going without said parent blowing their top.Its a tricky one really.
I think we have to find a balance here.I've still got secrets from my mother and I know thats quite common but don't we start storing baggage if we keep too many secrets from a young age?You know I would rather my daughter come and tell me that-for instance,she was sleeping with her boyfriend,so I could advise her on contraception than her not telling me and getting pregnant!

Damn - I've just typed a long answer and instead of arriving here, it deleted itself in mid-sentence.
However, try again. I agree, depending on the age of my hypothetical daughter. If she's legally of age, then we've had the contraception conversation several times unconnected with her present relationship. If she isn't, then although I'd be as helpful as possible (also having had the relevant conversations before),I'd also be disapproving. In neither case would I discuss my own sexual behaviour (This isn't flippant - I've been a single parent for 24 years and unless I was intending to remarry it's none of their business)
If they want to tell or ask me things, I think my sons know I'd answer honestly, but I wouldn't ask for information about their sex lives either. Sorry, this sounds very pious, but I don't think I am.

Yes, You've got that one right!!!!I certainly wouldn't discuss my sex life with my daughter and I wouldn't expect to with me,but that's not what I mean't.Okay lets try a different example.If my daughter told me
that she was going to try out a drug,I would rather know beforehand.Having grown up in the sixties I have first hand knowledge!!!God that's come out wrong too.I think maybe you get my drift?
Some situations can be dealt with in a safe manner.If your reaction is to say no without giving an explanation the usual response is rebellion and secrecy.
By the way way my daughter is not quite 10 yet so this is all hypothetical!!!

Yes, I'm still nodding my head.As I've said elsewhere, say "yes" much more often than you say "no".I was fractionally too early for the drugs bit (I left uni in 65)except alcohol, but my kids were both heavily into sport in their teens so they were more censorious than I would've been. Because we've travelled so much, my stance has always been "don't take anything in countries where they throw you in jail and take the key away"
Your daughter is pretty lucky,seems to me. I didn't actually lie to my parents -just told the truth very sarcastically (eg "of course, I'm going to jump into bed with him the minute you leave us alone in the house" - but this was when I was 20 and home for the summer)
BTW you have had the periods conversations haven't you? I started at that age and was terrified .