The child that these "rules" were first applied to was 42 this year. This seems an appropriate time to resurrect this article. Except for one, these are not serious thoughts; nothing bad will happen to you if you ignore them, unlike some of the additions suggested to the original article like not smacking children or keeping them away from sugar.
This is what worked for mine (in no particular order)
Let sleeping children lie, even when they're hulking great teenagers, unless they have given instructions to the contrary - the serious one Get the injections, especially if travelling to third world countries. Babies still die of measles in Ethiopia. Many southern Africans are disfigured by smallpox scars and polio was eliminated in India this week. (March 2014)Never promise or threaten anything you can't deliverLaugh at your kids' jokes. Then they might laugh at yours when you're old and grey. Talk to them, listen to them. You’ll learn useful things about Lantern fish, for example.It took ten years for the child concerned to convince his mother of the existence of said fish - this WAS before the internet.Take your kids to work if possible - let them see where the funds come from.As soon as they're old enough let them know where the funds go. Involve them in any budgeting decision that affects them, up to and including house moves and whether/where to have a holiday this year . As far as possible. let them choose / pay for their own clothes. That way they’ll wear them. Never buy clothes for them without their presence unless it’s the sort of dreadful socks, sparkly T shirts that can be inflicted in Christmas stockingsLet little ones help with the housework (supervised). This cons them into helping when it's necessary in later years. 'But you’ve always washed up, taken out the rubbish etc'. This has continued with three-year old grandchildren washing up and emptying washing machines. Play games with them all their lives. Give up tennis when they thrash you off the court, but keep at it with Scrabble, or Monopoly or whatever your family "always" play at Christmas. This meant buying one of the new editions of Monopoly based on Lincoln, our county town, this Christmas. Local clues to confuse the daughters in law who come from elsewhere.Be polite to their friends. With luck this will stick. So the friends will be polite to you . They may also visit and do helpful things in your children’s absence, like take you to the airport, put your flatpack kitchen units together, send stunning fabric from their round the world travels)Take them travelling if your life works that way. If you're taking babies on aeroplanes, choose KLM rather than BA, solely on the grounds that they employ more male cabin attendants. They're not so fussy about having their jackets messed up and have been known to make up beds for toddlers under seats or carry a sleepy baby on one arm while serving drinks. These acts are probably now illegal, but the principle holds: men make better babysitters on long distance flights. Go to all possible school functions. It is better to turn up in an embarrassing costume than not to turn up. If you have become a working single parent, you can slack off a little here - but only a little and only if you send an interested substitute. Working single parents do not have to provide home-made cakes etc. Send some money to the cake sale and buy someone else’s best effort.Provide driving lessons as soon as it's legal - hammer in the don't drink and drive messages. Or buy good bikes and make sure the kids can maintain them. The day your first-born drives you to a country pub and sticks to orange juice so that you can sample the local brew will always be one of your best memories. Don't be a hypocrite. If you're a drinker, introduce them to the good stuff; that way they buy it for your birthdays. Take them to the races on a bright sunny day and you'll have company for a winter meeting at Market Rasen, which is one of the smallest jumping tracks available. Hugs are more important than (almost) everything else.Don't lie to your children. Once they are old enough to understand what lies are, don't accept lies from them.Try to like the music they like, or have different music machines. Anyone older than 8 can earn the money to buy their own by doing extra chores.Take pictures, keep artwork, train tickets, swimming medals etc and make a scrapbook surreptitiously. Why should you have to be 93 before 'This is your Life' calls? Give it with the other 18th birthday presents. Even better if you can theme it. Warning:- You cannot do this just for the first child. Encourage any talent. Freeze on the touchline, suffer at the primary school concert, eat the "pastry". If done properly, your children's interests will be funding AND entertaining them when they are 42.Enjoy it - they're only lent to you for 18 years. If they still come round to see you later, you've done something right - perhaps followed the above rules.
