h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As you enter this room, the first thing you will notice is the elaborate wooden desk sitting in the center. A single phone is on it. Behind it is a large bay window. Otherwise, the room is mostly bare.

*still wide-eyed from the destruction in the main hallway RD finds his way into the office a tad before NYC makes it*

~loudly~

I'm home dear ..... where's my supper ?


*cocks an Uzi, a Heckler and Koch, a LAW, ties a rusty Webley to a lanyard round his neck and loosens Doomgiver in it's sheath on his back*

Now you made me have to open up a whole new browser window and Google 'Webley'! Damn you and your canine references!

*NYC enters the room, and suddenly feels woefully undergunned. He pops back out again for a minute to return with a P90 submachine gun and a shoulder-mounted howitzer. The back end of the thing scrapes the top of the door frame while the front end knocks over a floor lamp. NYC sticks his tongue out at Red*

[NYC] Nyah!

every British Officer in WW2 had a Webley on a lanyard around their necks. It's a British icon - crap gun but an icon - it goes with a stiff upper lip and beating the heck out of bally Jerry check http://www.collectorcafe.com/article_archive.asp?article=845&id=1156



*jealously curses NYC and rumages in his spandex for more gear*

*soon turns up a Hen Grenade (one hen + 2 sticks of dynamite = a not-so-smart bomb), a pneumatic assisted hopper fed twin barrelled spud gun , a brace of Drool Bombs and a Chihauwitzer© firing small calibre yappy dogs. Confident in the terrible destructive power of ballistic toy poodles RD relaxes*

What, you think my Googling skillz aren't up to snuff enough to find that already? I just thought you were making a passing remark about how the early civilian models were called British Bull Dogs...

[NYC] Man! How many hands do you HAVE?

Four paws and a handy tail

[There's a pause just long enough for the dust to settle. Then the phone starts ringing.]

*looks at NYC*

Shall we shoot it or answer it ?

[NYC] Y'know, I don't know! Let's ask the studio audience.

[Studio Audience] Shoot it! Answer it! No, Shoot it!! Answer it, THEN shoot it! Answer it with guns firing in the background! Knock it off the receiver with the pistol grip! Wing it fi--

[NYC] @#$* studio audience. Let's just answer it.

No, I know lets phone a friend instead


*picks up phone*


Oooops

[Phone] Hello, this is Sparks from the Logos. You're Red Dog, right?

*looks himself up and down*

Errr, yup - certainly Red and definately Doggy.

< dodgy....>

*NYC gets the cold chill of a ghost's presence. If only he remembered his handy "Lil' Exorcist" lighter; that ghost wouldn't know what hit 'im.*

[NYC] Ask him if there's a short guy with him - has glasses, multiple keychains, looks like a building super with a "what'm I doing here?" look on his face...

OK

~down the phone~

Hey Sparks, do you have a short guy with you - glasses, multiple keychains, looks like a building super with a "what'm I doing here?" look on his face"

~aside to NYC~

Is it just me or has the room temperature dropped a degree or two

[Sparks] ... Maybe. [sound of something hitting his headset] Ow! ... All right, all right! No, he's not, he's in the dungeons, and only Persephone is likely to be able to give you directions there ... Also, Skullock just got grabbed by two of ther Merovingian's goons, so you have to rescue him.

*Having overheard that last bit of conversation, NYC looks truly baffled*

[NYC] ...Why?

[RD] Dunno ....... what about a picking-up-the-pieces kind of rescue ?

[NYC] Heck, wasn't Persephone supposed to be HERE? Maybe we /shoulda/ just waited in her bedroom.

*NYC starts out the door when a salvo streaks down the hall and explodes on a bust of some 18th century goon on the far end. NYC is knocked back from the air pressure. He gets up with a start; Khan calls down*

[Khan] Sorry! Itchy trigger finger!

[NYC] If this is about last week, I told you I had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!

[Sparks] Well, it beats me why you'd /want/ to, but rescuing him seems to be between now and getting the Keymaker, so ...