h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd imagine so.

Well, it is under warranty... but, the company I got it off has been taken over, and, just my luck, there's a legal loophole which means they won't honour the original warranty agreement. So, I have to fix it myself...

You should have bought one from CLI!

Well you know, CLI existed only after Joanna's. Case in point, CLI was all-but created here at Joanna's. At least, the h2g2 version was.

Quite frankly, in my opinion Joanna's is the epicenter for the entire continuity-based h2g2 community that we know, love and exist in, Lil. Therefore, the only way to do that would be to go back in time and offer it to Joanna before CLI existed here.

And when you time travel like that, you risk destroying the entire fabric of the community that h2g2 exists within.

*mouth full of apple spice donut* uh-huh.

So.

Can you fix it? The trolley, I mean.

Definitely.

*Eats his IMA thoughtfully*

Yep. Wouldn't be hard at all.

*Sips some coffee. Looks at the people looking at him expectantly*

What, now? Oh, fine.

*Pulls out a screwdriver/wrench/harpsichord combo tool and goes to work on the thing. After a few surprisingly musical moments, he pokes his head back out*

This'll be a bit....it's okay if I make it nuclear powered, right?

As long as it doesn't make our fillings tingle!

Now Lil, you know my policy on fillings!

Well, can I supervise? And no, I didn't know there was a CLI policy about fillings. I would be interested to know what it is.

Sure you can supervise. But, uh, if you didn't know the CLI policy on fillings already, it's....um....probably best if you don't take that path at this point. It'd cause nothing but hurt.

*Begins adding the missile defense system to it*

Well, why don't I buy another round of doughnuts...

Here here!

*Finishes installing the theremin retrieval system*

Joanna, got any bavarian creme-filled doughnuts?

Affi, isn't a therimin a musical instrument?

Yes. It is an instrument. A beautiful instrument heard in such classic movies as The Day The Earth Stood Still and 12 To The Moon. It's a perfectly legitimate one.

Why? Don't think I should have a retrieval system? I suppose you want me to remove the harpsichord retrieval system and the kazoo retrieval system as well, don't ya? Well, I'm sorry, but they're staying, they're ALL staying! Some day, someone will thank me for installing things like these....they didn't laugh at the University when I suggested these for the concert band's bus, no, they thought it'd help if they had some way of instantly retrieving fallen musical instruments. Pfeh! Music has everything to do with donut-carrying anti-grav carts!

*Collapses, twitching slighty before coming to a complete stop. He then rises*

I'm sorry, I've just not had a good creative binge like this in years. What with me being kidnapped and stuff, it's not been a very good year for gadgetry.

Now, help me screw in the Jacob's Ladder hood ornament, force field generator, and klein bottle filler and mauve weasel replacement receptacle.

*stands by with tray of tools and doughnuts*

Okay! I think that I've upgraded the OS now, and I fixed the missile guidance system that broke when I, um, intalled it. Yeah.

Naturally, it comes with a five year guarantee that it won't go evil and try to kill us all, as comes standard with every CLI product that has a microchip in it somewhere.

Where's the orange button?

On the candy dispenser.

*Looks at Affy's handywork*

Ooooo, impressive. But, er, didn't you forget something?

*Stands, tossing and object in his hand. A close inspection would reveal the object to be a virus protection module.*

Oh wow! What a Christmas present! Thank you!

*passes Lil her bavarian creme filled , and leaves a plate of s on the counter*

Help yourselves!