h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Khamsin,
Unfortunately the reference you gave me was the sugar-coated, deparment store version, niether is it a log cabin somewhere in Lapland.

The old man's castleis located some 1200km NE of Hammerfest, is surrounded by claymore mines and razor wire. It has a local name which is in old norse, a language known only to vikings, the asgard, and the Liverpool back 4 ( and a certain analyst) Loosely translates as

"Where one evening can last forever, the domain of the best-loved psycopath, in the land of the flying deer"

Oh, hello, you told me to join you for so that I could get my keycard.

*walks into tea room and gets a cup of coffee from the vending machine*
AK, what are your credentials as a chemist/scientist?

Well... not much really...

However I have magical skills... so potion brewing, and such.

Also a lot of skill with computer systems, AI, artificial worlds and physics, etc.

I have no credentials because I'm self taught.

I am looking to take on an apprentice. Interested?

yes

Ok, come back on Monday, and I'll have everything ready for you.
* Takes blood sample, retinal scan, and photo for ID*

fair enough.

Meanwhile... can I use just a few of the facilities...

Or at least hook up and use my virtual-creator machine?

(Used to do chemistry and physics in VR so as not to accidently destroy anything)

*Walks into tea room, writes the following on paper:

AK
These are the lab rules:
1 you clear up your own mess.
2 you do not annoy the labtech elves.
3 Training must be given before you are allowed to touch any of the instruments.
4 The wet chemistry room must be kept dry at all times.
5 Order and instructions from either Khamsin or myself take priority.

If you agree to these rules, any any others that we think up, please sign the bottom of this sheet.

You will have access to your own romm, you will be given your personalised card on receipt of the signed sheet.

*wanders in somehow*


what'd i do and what was wrong with it and how was i supposed to know and what happned because of it?

1 you clear up your own mess.
Fine with me.

2 you do not annoy the labtech elves.
You have labtech elves!!??


3 Training must be given before you are allowed to touch any of the instruments.
Sure.

4 The wet chemistry room must be kept dry at all times.
You didn't put muc hthought into this "wet" chemistry room idea did you? Sure.

5 Order and instructions from either Khamsin or myself take priority.
No, only ones from you. Khamsin has committed treason against the guild. If he tries to give me orders I shall try to kill him.


*signs*

*Leaves envelope on tea room notice board Addressed "AK"

Inside is keycard tuned to AK's biosignature

Also note.

AK
Please look after your id and keycard, in the wrong hands it can be fatal.

As you failed to understand the humour in rule 4, I want an apreciation of wet chemical analysis this side of christmas, a few lines will do.

I have assigned 3 labtech elves to show you the ropes and generally assist you. They are of course subject to personal contract to me, but cansider them on loan to you. They are designated, for your convenience, Curly, Larry and Moe.

Have fun, and try to limit the damage to your own room.


Geddon's Wall,
Chief analyst

If Khamsin is found reasonably innocent I'll take orders from both of you, not just you.

I understood the humor in rule 4 but pretended not to.

anyway...
thanks for the keycard

*take sit and stashes it away somewhere in his clothing*

*wanders off to look around.*

am I allowed to get some more equipment in here for work?

In your own room you can do as you wish. The rest of the lab is subject to GLP

oh ok...

is my room just a thread... or a couple of threads...?

* is still sitting here wondering if he'll ever be noticed*

*wonders if letting the science faculty have remote security was a good idea*

Anthea,
Sorry for the delay, a shortage of RL time has restricted my time in the lab.

*Hands Dr anthea a box*
These are the gloves I said I would sort out for you, Despite their open weave, they are proof against matallic silver objects.