h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"No purchase necessary" - Purchace necessary (sort of like inflammable is the same as flammable?)
"New and improved" - Renamed

That's all I can think of offhand.

Cutlery

that's like "send 3 IPC codes and $4 for your free Thomas the tank engine".

Or "3 Free CDs" - as long as you buy 12 more overpriced ones over the next 12 months.

Yes, you manageto find 3 you sort of want. Then, 2 years later you wonder why you have that Buck's Fizz millenium 4 CD box set.

Here's another: "Not at such..." - "No".

As in "Well, since you're resigned to waiting here all day anyway, you don't actually need me to be here."
"No," said Prosser, "not as such..."

(This is the radio version)

Cutlery

In proper English usage - "cleave" means to join together or to split apart. That's useful isn't it.

Do you have any good recipe from Aberdeenshire? I used to live in Ayrshire, and remember many a good haggis. I want to show the folks here including my family Scottish cuisine.

Er.. no. Sorry. Unless it's really basic stuff like porridge. Oats and water boiled, add salt and/or milk to taste. Don't, under any circumstances, add sugar. Only an Englishman would do that.

Or perhaps stovies - but I don't know that recipe.

©µ†|ër¥

'forty-two years of age' - 'forty-two'.
'allegedly' - 'he did it but I don't want to be sued' - one of the few examples where the new version is shorter.
pace cleave - you raise a building, then raze it to the ground.
Then there are the Three Great Lies :
'this hurts me more than it will hurt you'
'the cheque is in the post'/'the check is in the mail'
'of course I love you' (or if you prefer - 'of course I'll pull out in time')

The sort of things I notice are redundant or silly things like:

"visually see" - "see" as opposed to verbally see?

One I love:

"How many of the following publications do you personally read?" - Well I don't personally read any, my servant James reads them to me evey morning.

Or..

"refer to the visuals" - "look at the picture"

the immortal
"At this point in time" = "Now"

Lil

That's a good one.

How about:

"Open for a certain period of time" = open?

Is not a certain amount of time always a period of time, unless it is an instant? Why not say what that length of time is, or better not if it is not known?

I made one up, that I have not seen used:

"Temporally challenged" = late. Someone misjudged the "period of time" it took to get to the meeting.

what do you think of
non-positive verbal response ---- 'no!'
ethnic cleansing ---- murder, 3rd degree (or was it 1st?)
got appropriate and comprehensive advice from my boss --- a kick in the rear
needs some development optimization --- full of bugs
severe lack of consensus --- 'no!'
aircraft ground-interface device --- tyre
he really resonated with the idea --- said 'yes!'

oh sorry, I forgot:
social behaviour --- always thought behaviour was only defined in a social context (apart from the ~ of Schrödinger's cat)

Yes - you have the idea. Or should I say:

A determination as been made that the general paradigm flux does coincide with the aforementioned pseudo-literate sentencing examples and does therefore generate a net positive response.

err, optical electromagnetic wave propagation and transparent image resolution enhancement vision support devices and, err, subsequent mental processing gave the impression that these rune-descendend information carrying colour-encoded patterns on, err, this computer driven graphics display device indeed conveyed a sense of non-negative agreement.
Uhh, it sucks reading these committee reports or listening to their presentations, where each of the 'err's is a safe indicator for yet another piece of yuck-speak.
At no point in time am I determined to follow their path.

I should better put myself to bed now, won't run the risk of having my boss discuss my past and paint a dark image of my future.

That would be the negative impaction factors in terms of career path flow due to minimised non-awake activity during inter-daylight periods preceding standard employment productivity time.

Oh yes, you are definitely right.
Today I came across the following one:
nuclear surgical strike --- [gasp. Must be something like black white horses or hot cold water]