h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

That would be when the nuclear surgeons have a labour dispute?

I' m afraid, no. The article in "Jane's" dealt with nuclear weapons of China and India, and that's where I absolutely don't like euphemisms.

Anyway, here's todays selection (once you train your eyes, you find yuckspeak everywhere):
- "there is a third alternative" --- NO, THERE ISN'T. Maybe there's a third choice or option, but not another alternative (latin 'alter' = THE other, not AN other)

- the most optimal (in german yuckspeak: 'der/die/das optimalste') --- as 'optimum' already IS a superlative, there is no way to top it up.

I really hate this too - It seems in the last couple of years (More often in N. America where these things seem to be pioneered). People use "Alternate" instead of "Alternative" because they think it is the same. They talk of have "many alternates". Well "one" is not "many" in my opinion.

Likewise, instead of "you", they use "youself", and "myself" instead of "me" or "I" - Like "what can I get - for yourself" or "he came to myself with a dog turd in his hand". A common mistake often corrected when I was at school was using me instead of I - The misuse of "myself", etc. is quite astounding.

Another thing - I suspect due to a deterioration or lack of reading and language education - Is the mixing up of the use of "for", "to", "at", "in" - as if these words have no purpose but to sit around in the middle of sentences. "This is very stressful to me".

Another thing is the creation of nouns out of verbs and making strange adjective to describe what should be explained as some action (expressed by a verb), between a subject and an object. This completely blurs the meaning and understanding, and is typical of crappy English spouted forth from US television/ TV news and Hollywood movies these days.

I heard it once called the "new english". Note the lack of capitals - they are no longer needed, as is punctuation. It is too difficult to learn how to use. I never thought my grammar was perfect, but pretty soon we may as well give up and rely on grunts and primitive hand signals.

Well, as for with myself, me is in the thinking that the theory that which is in the saying that the sum of alltogetherness of intelligence over all humans is a constant, with no regarding of the increase of population, has just found another proofing with the points that youself have taken the freedom to mentioning. For ourselves as strangers it is not an easement to of seeing wrongness from against correctess.

oh, sorry for the mistake there. Should have read 'correctivity'.

I gather your first language was German (?). Regardless, except for that last (not so serious) entry, you have no problem with English.

I notice here in Canada people from Quebec, who have French as a first language and LEARNT English in school, speak better than most people you are subjected to hearing on TV news and popular culture programs here.

Yes, you are right. My first language was German, and I started to learn English from 7th class on, and kept it alive. These days, about half of my day I've got handbooks, web-pages or the like in english around me.

Returning to the agenda, what about these tortures to English:
- in my personal opinion... --- well, may differ from my impersonal opinion, or?
- political correctness should also find its way into naval business, hence one ought to shout "crewmember awash" instead of "man overboard"

and modern language structures are quite useful for excuses:
Sorry, dear, the structural integrity of your favourite coffee mug was severely affected by gravitationally induced motion.

That's like a magazine application from California I filled in - "How many of the following publications do you personnaly read".

Maybe some people don't "personally think" anything - Someone else does the thinking for them. Sort of like mental stunt-men (or should I say "critically non-safe life-reduction enhancing activity temporary replacement consultants").

I rememebr from my German language lessons that everything is very logical and pretty regular - English got some of this from Saxon and Old-English - With some Norman Fench thrown in. It is probably a nightmare to try and learn English if you listen to television and movies and read most popular magazines these days. My wife who is a native Spanish speaker tells me that she is often confused because someone uses a wierd grammatical construction that she thinks must be wrong (and it probably is).

I have met and worked with many French, Spanish and other native latin language speakers who have a better command of ENglish than some of my Anglophone buddies. They learn grammar and language for at least 2 languages in school.

I hear over and over, from my old English teachers, to famous orators and writers, that the best form of expression is concise and clear. Pity that it seems that so many "learn" the opposite these days.

"Mental stuntmen" -- wow! Super expression! Where can I rent one ?

I found English quite easy a language to learn, in comparison to Latin or French. You can survive with very few words and constructions. I've heard English can roughly be divided into two strains, one from, err, older inhabitants of the country (Kelts or so), which provides something like a low-level language, and the other strain stems from some later invaders, has more latin roots and provides words with the same meaning, but a bit higher level, so to speak.
Hey, you had German lessons? Brave soldier (or should I say pity you?) German is said to be a very difficult language to learn. Just thinking of the three genders...
Well, as to the logic in the German language: may be, but german verb conjugation has nothing to do with logic. The rule is, I would say, that there is no such thing as a regular verb in german. The same is true for the (non-)rules of when vowels are converted into umlauts in conditional cases or into other vowels for past tense forms.

Anyway, I think one doesn't care much about one's native tongue and takes more care in using languages where some teacher always corrected mistakes.

These days I came across the following:
- The project is not as far along as it should be --- late again, and far behind schedule

- an anomalous air under-pressure condition --- flat tire

- time is not on my side --- delayed a decision until it was too late

My local supermarket likes to stud the shelves with hand-chalked signs. I have been twitching every time I walk past the "beefstake" tomatoes, but today I saw a sign that just takes the biscuit.

There is Medicare discounts available for perscriptions

(sic)

Froot sellin dont need no gud inglish ven?

I remember in the 70s reading a sign in Switzerland warning passengers, taking the railcar up the side of a mountain, in all the European languages about the penalty for not holding a valid ticket. In German, French, Italian etc. the punishment was apparently a normal process involving prosecution and a fine. For English speakers, such free-riders would be "persecuted".