h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 143 - I Love You - A20478314
Author: GrumpyAlembic - U7670313


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Hallo, I enjoyed the 143 entry, especially as I have not heard of such a thing before (hey I learn something new + useful!)

In the first paragraph "Masschusets" should be Massachusetts.

"Prior to the light" light(house)?

"A year later, during a huge storm (April 1851) it was gone taking two keepers with it." = "In April 1851, a huge storm demolished the tower, taking two keepers with it." seems better as you didn't mention the year it was constructed 1850, or maybe you want to write that first, then say "a year later" or "the following April" for this.

"A new lighthouse was needed - constructed..." --> this is passive, and constructed refers to the lighthouse, so why not "The people needed a new lighthouse; constructed..."

tons = tonnes I'm afraid you'll have to revert to the English spelling as Kat always reminds me *smiles*

"Standing at 114 foot (34.75 m.) with its light at 85 feet (25.91 m.) high and flashing - white ‘1-4-3’, just a permutation of possible code." Dangling/fragment, maybe if you write "... the beacon towers as a permutatation..." or something.

"Other than its role in saving lives and shipping It came to prominence" --> missing a period.

"Incidentally, 143 is the product of two sequential primes 11 & 13, 11+13=24, reverse the digits 24=42" is clever.

Now all these are just suggestions; I don't flatter myself to say my way is better, just the way I like it. Your edits are entirely up to you. 143.

Hi GrumpyA - I see from your personal space that you are a self-described procrastinator. I'm hoping that you're just putting this lovely entry off for the moment and not abandoning it.

I'd also like to comment that I enjoy reading your explanations in this PR thread as much as the entry itself. Personally, I prefer short entries, but having said that, I would guess that you have a pretty fair store of knowledge on this subject - more bits of which could be interjected into the entry without harming it at all.

Thanks for the interest - in this case not so much procratination as having too much fun on HooToo. I needed your prompt to get me back on the case. I do have a good deal more on the story, but I feel it would detract from the '143' link and make it much longer - I'm not keen on long entries either.

I am gestating, but will be back to it very soon. I will write on Notepad and post from there.

Thanks again

glad to see you're still working on this GA
Let us know when you've updated

GB

Will do.

Revised and updated - hope its OK.

Hi GA, it looks good;, there's a lot more info now but there are a few changes you need to make and some others I would recommend.

Firstly, the smilies all need to go. Sorry.

Secondly, the second header doesn't need the full stop.

The first footnote would be better integrated into the text.

"The local ‘Indian’ tribe" You don't need to speech marks.
"Joseph Antoine (Portuguese) and Joseph Wilson (English)" I think it would be better if you integrated their nationalities into the text.

"keeper Bennett" - should that have a capital?

"Work on a new stone lighthouse was begun in 1855, but two years into the build ‘The New Empire’ wrecked the initial frameworks." Can you explain it more? What was the New Empire? A ship?

"Constructed from 3,514 tons of stonework," -> "stone"

"dovetail jointed" -> "dovetail-jointed"

"Miraculously, no workers were lost on the ledge, due in part to the foresight of having only men who could swim to work on the rock and a diver attending." So it wasn't really miraculous, then.

"November 15, 1860 saw the lantern first lit, the flashing lantern installed in 1894, automated in 1947, converted in 1983 to solar power and restored in 1989."

->

"November 15, 1860 saw the lantern first lit. A flashing lantern was installed in 1894, automated in 1947, in 1983 converted to solar power and restored in 1989."

"The first keeper of the new Lighthouse" -> "lighthouse"

"test the ‘toughest’ of men" No speech marks needed.

Thanks for that - all done. Do I add all the editing contributors to my entry?

Usual practice is only to add people who provide a decent bit of actual info. For example, those corrections I posted don't merit a credit.

How does it look now? I've tested all the links and everything seems to be working.

One last thing, we don't start with headers.

Thanks very much for your time and trouble -appreciated.

No problem at all, it's a good entry.

Thank you for the compliment - Its bed now!!

Goodnight!

For some reason I missed this till now. It's a lovely little entry.

As a by-the-way, ton and tonne are not different spellings for the same thing. They are different weights. http://www.englishforums.com/English/TonVsTonne/vmgw/Post.htm.

TRiG.

Thanks Trig, yes I forgot that this is the US short ton and have added a footnote and link. Thanks again.

Neat Entry now.

Thak you