h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not a doctor, but I do know that wounds have to be caurter...quarter... I don't know how to spell it, but that oughta-ised word that you do to wounds to stop them getting gangrene - and essentially means you BURN THEM!!!

[Mew indicates that it's just a bump to his head and won't need any cauterization, which works kind of like a Jedi mind trick and prevents any future occurrence of this, and then faints again]

Thank you, Bluebottle. But I don't think we need to burn the cat.

*Pats Mew's paws. Puts fresh ice on the lump on Mew's head.*

Mew? Mew? Did anyone catch what he said about Jedi mind tricks?

*speaks in wizened Yoda voice*

Wize it would not be to burn the Mew...........Smell bad the burned mew would.....hmmmmmmmm....

I know someone who sells perfume from the H2G2 Waterwork's sewer, if that helps?

[Note: Mew is not a cat. He is a Mew.]

Whether you are a cat or not, would you like to be burnt?

[shakes head]

Somehow I didn't think you would....
Oh well, I'm sure someone wants to be burnt - it's very popular.

*Wonders off and practices firewalking*

[Mew gets up, starts to fly away, gets very dizzy, and faints again]

No, you're falling towards the fire-walk!!!

Catch the Mew!!!!!

Maybe a Jedi mind trick would be helpful right now. Anyone got one?

*Thinks ~He looks like a cat...a Mew?~

I have a card trick where I get you to choose a card and put it in the pack and then you shuffle and I burn all the cards except the one that was yours, and then I say Ace of Spades was your card and it was, if that helps?

[lands on Bluebottle]

That was lucky, I was afraid you were going to get burnt!
I suggest, though, that you may be affected by the heat. You could go to the pool to cool down.

Mwm...

Well! All problems are solved at the moment. We should celebrate!

"Celebrate good times come on...."

[Manages to take off without falling again, starts flying around, leaves the church, and crash-lands in another forum]