h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Another law which was stated in the film "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" is (in my words):

A cartoon character can only perform impossible feats when it is funny to do so.

Re: above - see post 27.

Additional law -

Rabbits (and others...?) can tunnel at running speed, but it leaves a line of lumpy earth above the tunnel.

Just to suggest a few caveats:

In the case of law 2. it should be noted that being peppered with holes (by whatever means) requires the character to drink a glass of water following their recovery. This can then be shown to pour, fountain-like, from their body. Future drinks may well have the same effect.

In 4. it's important to note that when falling, Newton's laws certainly do not apply and heavier objects *do* fall faster than lighter ones. This is especially true in the case of the anvil, which will speed descent immeasurably. Interestingly, the descent is increased in a staggered fashion, according to the proximity to the extra weight. So, arms will go first, followed by the body, with the head rapidly following, after the obligatory *blink* as mentioned in the article.
Interestingly, when falling, momentum may be impaired when close to the ground, by dragging your heels in a skidding motion. The falling character may then step lightly onto ground level.

As another example of 5, all characters may produce, if required, a small umbrella which can then be used for protection from falling objects, as described in 4.

7. Law 7 should be modified when applied to catapults, rockets and other such methods of propulsion. Triggering these devices in order to gain rapid forward momentum will fail, leaving the element possessing the potential energy floating mysteriously in space. The reaction in this case is delayed, occuring only when appropriate to catapult the instigator into a tree, boulder or over a cliff. The same principle applies to boulder driven traps which will only trigger to the instigators detriment.

Additional phenomena such as teeth turning into piano keys when hit by a piano, the instant delivery techniques of the Acme company, trains appearing from painted tunnels, cars blindly following lines painted on the road and suchlike are probably beyond the scope of the article. (as are, I guess, 'Instant Martians', the operation of the Illudium Pu-36 exploding space modulator and the ability to hang in space on the remains of disintegrated planets, which would be best left to an interplanatary physics entry )

People's ideas seem to be exhausted now - wouldn't that be a good time to amend the entry and make it recommendable

Fur, feathers, and clothes blown off by explosives will grow back before the following scene. Alternatively, new body coverings will appear from nowhere and can be put on.

You're right, Bossel - I've kinda taken my eye off the ball here. I'll get onto it soon, but I've got a lot on my plate at the moment

still so?

Um, yeah. I've got into this role-playing game on board the Mary Celeste, and it involves contributing every day. But I will get back here eventually!

I think that a lot of the corrections to do with catapults etc. could be better summed up as "Everything goes wrong for Wile E. Coyote or similar baddie." Also, Re inertia: it sometimes happens that a character's feet will go nineteen to the dozen without affecting his-her trajectory. In this case, perhaps inertia is seen to be infinite. The state doesn't last long, though, and after a few seconds the character will take off / stop instantly as described elsewhere. Also, sometimes stopping will cause the ground to rumple up as if it is a carpet.

Another rule I just thought of: A bullet fired into a pipe will follow that pipe's twists and turns to emerge from the other end (which a certain cwazy wabbit may have alligned with Elmer Fudd's rear end).

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Congratulations!

Congratulations, Spiny.

Groovy.

Thanks for the excellent input from everyone, and sorry that my life has been too busy to rework the article with all those brilliant suggestions.

Perhaps somebody might have the time to work up an additional article along the lines of "The Special Theory of Cartoon Physics", or similar?