h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yay!
SPINY

Thank you so much. I admire the team's ability to analyse a situation rather than be prescriptive. Can I just say I think you've made the right decision and I'm sure more laws will be added to the article once people see it.

Thanks for sticking with it, Sam, and thanks for your support, Orcus.

Some additional rules:

Inertia does not exist. It is possible to accelerate from a complete standstill to about Mach 25 almost instantly. This can be achieved using a large rubber catapult, a backpack rocket, or for certain characters, simply by running. By the same token, it is equally possible to decelerate from enormous speed to a perfect standstill instantly.

Paint in tins can be intelligent. For instance, if you need to paint a road, complete with dotted white line down the middle, it will be sufficient to dip the brush in the pot once, then splosh it back and forth apparently randomly. The result will be a road of perfectly uniform width with a neatly dotted line down the centre.

It's worth pointing out that these are the Rules of Cartoon Physics for Hollywood cartoons, specifically the superior output of Warner Studios between the thirties and the sixties. A useful adjunct could be "Rules of Cartoon Physics" as applied to other genres of cartoon. Ideas which spring immediately to mind are laws of cartoons you saw in the gaps in tv in the seventies done by experimental animators from Czechoslovakia (I'm not writing that one ) or Rules of Cartoon Physics as applied to Japanese anime: Rule ONE - if threatened in any way, the simplest response is often to turn into a forty-story high robot with missile for fingernails. Rule TWO - you may safely pick a fight with huge, muscly, tattooed body-builders or leather-jacketed gang members, but never, EVER under any circumstances get in a ruck with either (a) a wiry, unassuming, suspiciously slightly and possibly drunk man over the age of eighty or (b) a skinny thirteen year old girl in school uniform. Either of these people can be relied upon to kick your ass.
Best of luck with the entry, like it a lot.

meant "suspiciously SPRIGHTLY and possibly drunk man"

Hi Hoovooloo, thanks for the compliment. You're another fan of the output of Termite Terrace, obviously. I liked the point about the intelligent paint as well - looks like I might have kicked off a community effort here. Once we see what becomes of the article, I'll be happy to include that.

But you'll have to do the other genres, I feel, because I can't see past Warner Bros and directors like Chuck Jones and Fred Quimby!

other laws:

* Clouds are pleased to support you while you're sitting on them.

* Sharks keep a safety distance of 10cm if you are the protagonist.

* You have optimum vision. You can zoom in on objects which are 100s of miles away. For your convenience, earth will stretch out as a flat object at this very moment, so you don't have to look around the horizon.

* You've got a better power to size ratio than ants have. This means you can, with a twist of your finger, hurl objects into orbit which are 10 times your own weight.

* Matter vanishes into a parallel world if it feels it's in the wrong place. You can dig tunnels and holes without creating mountains from the excavation.

* You can express emotions by changing colours like a chameleon.


Bossel

Another quick one - relative running speeds do not exist. There are generally two possibilities here.
(1) Character A is able to run several hundred times as fast as character B, and therefore any chase on foot is pointless, requiring the use of rockets and rollerskates for instance. OR
(2) Character A and character B's flat out sprints are EXACTLY the same speed, meaning they maintain a precise gap, usually about the length of a broom.

One additional one which was mentioned explicitly during Roger Rabbit is that the laws of normal physics apply in cartoons. The laws of Cartoon Physics apply ONLY WHEN SOMETHING IS FUNNY.

Some more...

Saucepans are made of incredibly malleable metal, which when used to hit a character, assume the characters exact shape (Tom & Jerry. Of course, it might just be that Jerry is very hard and Tom is very strong...)

Explosions that just give you a rather severe suntan can, nonetheless, blast a comically large crater into the ground (apart from the bit you're standing on, of course)

Any character that disappears into one of a series of empty holes/doors etc. will be randomly moved to one of the other whatsits. This is possibly an example of the quantum theory of comic potential.

Car wheels normally work perfectly, despite the fact they are seldom circular and often change shape on the move. Apart from square wheels, which always behave *exactly* as you would expect.

Other laws:
Time does not run everywhere at the same speed. You can drop something from a cliff, discover your error and run a long way around to get in time to catch the object.

No matter where you run, and however long you take for a 'last' sigarette (see previous law), a falling object will allways hit you.
Mostly with the shadow growing around your feet, independent of the place of the sun.

In short: Anything is possible, until you realise that it is not possible according to our 'normal' laws. At that time the normal laws are reinstated.

Another! The entire planet is covered in a previously unnoticed layer of dust. This dust becomes visible when either
(a) a character accelerates from a standstill by the usual method of whirling the feet round in a circle while standing still. A cloud of dust is kicked up, even from a polished floor. OR
(b) a character hits the ground after a long fall. Often the camera is so far away that the cloud is the only evidence of impact. The colour of the dust usually bears no relation to the colour of the surrounding landscape (e.g. perfectly white dustclouds in the otherwise ferrous red rock of Monument Valley in Roadrunner).

The erratic function of levers should also be mentioned. Its quite impossible to tell, when launching a rock with your own weight on a lever, whether the rock will land on your target or yourself, or whether you will instead be flipped into the still stationary rock.
You will also fall faster than the rock that is falling with you, which will center itself over your head on the way down.

You guys have all watched waay too much TV!

This is all great input, and once we see what the editing process is, I'll be happy to incorporate it (with appropriate credits, of course).

Keep 'em coming.

Speaking as the writer of a few entries which have reached the heights of "recommended", the editing process goes like this. You write an entry and put it up for Peer Review. We all make suggestions like those above. You incorporate them in the entry yourself (or not, if you prefer). Eventually the entry converges on some sort of final shape, when you've finished adding stuff and taking stuff out and generally messing about. Around that time a Scout wanders by, recommends it, and the entry you've now "finished" gets sub-ed'd and goes in. Sounds easy doesn't it? You do need to incorporate anything you like the sound of yourself, however. As Steinbeck said "All writing is rewriting.". You'll probably end up editing the entry loads of times, but I can tell you from experience you'll be happier with it as a result!
Best of luck with this entry, if you include all the additional stuff us square-eyed toon-heads have come up with it should be individual enough to answer any accusations of being too much like something else. OK Scouts?

Thanks for the advice, Hoovooloo. I'll let it sit a few days, and see what else emerges, then.

I'd like it better if you included the suggestions (those that you like, it's still *your* entry) right away.

That way you save other researchers the expense to sift through the postings here in order to figure out if their ideas have already been mentioned

That's right, Hoovoloo

Bossel (a Scout )

Now a risky one. One has to remember that these cartoons were produced in a different sociopolitical climate to todays, so this stuff was more acceptable then than now...
THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF EXPLOSIONS: If a character is holding a stick of dynamite which goes off, when the smoke clears they will somehow have been equipped with a stereotypical hairstyle involving small bunches gathered with ribbons.

Now this is a potentially offensive racial stereotype, but it's SO prevalent in cartoons of the time I think it should be included, with appropriate comment that such characterisation would not be contemplated in today's more enlightened times. This is not, I should point out in case anyone thinks this way, political correctness. It is simple courtesy/good manners. This gag could obviously cause offense. My own personal opinion is that even if it were not potentially offensive it's not even funny anyway - but it is certainly one of the rules of cartoon physics from that time, so it deserves inclusion.

The same kind of transracialisation can be observed if you thump a symbol or a dustbin lid onto someone's head. They will abruptly transform into Chinese people and Honk Kong Fui style music will appear from nowhere. Usually they will be wearing robes of some sort and will dance too.

-- David, let them eat curry

You have a point, Bossel, but if two or three people contribute on the same topic, I might have to do several rewrites before I was done. I'm not planning to let it lie too long, however.

As to the dangers of portraying cultural or racial stereotypes, that type of content is probably less worrying than the amount of violence in most cartoons. I think you have to take the stance that you're examining what happens in cartoons and that you're not condoning what they represent. After all, the portrayal of the black maid in Tom and Jerry may offend some people today, but you would have to report the Law that she is never seen above the waist, and that she has to scream and climb on to something whenever she sees Jerry. That's just how it is. I'm not going to apologise for talking about something I didn't create

Ok

* Chainsaws can work their way through *everything*. Even electrical wiring and concrete walls don't stop them.

* Trucks can be loaded until their axles are bent beyond recognition. No need to fix anything with a rope. Nothing ever falls off the truck, even in sharp road bends.

Two quick points:
(1) I don't think anyone would blame you for the racial overtones of certain cartoons. It is worth bearing in mind however that some people may not thank you for reminding them of it. Sad, but there you go.
(2) I must have edited some the entries I wrote about a dozen times before they got recommended. It doesn't take long to add a paragraph or two, and it's a kick for fellow researchers to see a suggestion they've made manifest itself as a change in your entry. One entry in particular (Hard or Soft? Two flavours of Science Fiction) caused a big debate and went through about a dozen versions, and then had almost a complete rewrite from its original form (which was Hard, Soft and Fantasy - three flavours of sf). You're more likely, I think, to get your entry recommended sooner if you incorporate any and all ideas you like the sound of into it *today*. That way, a Scout wandering by sees all the good stuff you originally wrote PLUS all the other good stuff you've culled from the Peer Review comments. If I was a Scout (which I'm not - yet...) I'd come along, read the posts and probably think "looks good so far, I'll recommend it when it's finished". The more ideas you get in quickly, the more "finished" it looks, and the sooner you're in!
Best of luck with this entry, as I've said before.

A final thought. Were the Laws of Cartoon Physics discovered by Isaac Newtoon?

I'm sorry. I am really so sorry. I couldn't resist. I apologise. No, please, I am sorry....
>sound of grand piano falling on head<