h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Friendship day sounds great - but can you imagine what you'd get by the time business got hold of it ?

"Friendship is 20 McNuggets and 2 types of dips."

Well, time for me to inflict a seasonal joke on you all:

A woman walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentines cards signed, 'guess who?'"
"But why," asked the woman.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

<BB<

Newly married couple in Venice on Valentine's Day.
Wife: "Look over there it's a Gondolier!"
Husband, "That's funny, the doctor said I had that."

*Pours several *

Bravo's featured film on V********s Day this year is 'Fatal Attraction'

And they said romance was dead....

Did they? Where's the funeral? Should we send flowers?

Flowers? Nah - I'm not going to waste my money on that - not even plastic ones. But I will sign a card if someone sends one round the office...

<BB<

*Provides condolence card for everyone to sign, reads rhyme aloud*
"Roses were red
Violets were violet
Romance is now dead
and flushed down the toilet."
Go on then - what are you going to write.

Though we never actually met, despite frequently being in the same room, and even in the same bed, I feel sure your passing has left a void in my life.

There's a quaint old Scots phrase which, I think, eloquently expresses my thoughts on the matter.

*takes the card and writes "Get it up ye" on it*

Is that what they call "The vernacular?"

I don't know what you call it...

There is a rumour going round that on the night romance died I was taken in for questioning.





I would like to admit this.

Money is ruining everything. The thought put into buying a suitable present was all part of romance. Now people give vouchers or money.
Saves a lot of time though.

Vouchers - don't get me going about vouchers...

<BB<

In my wallet at this moment I have -

*opens wallet*

A £1:00 Virgin Voucher
A £5:00 Wesley Owen Voucher
A £10:00 B&Q Voucher
and
A £10:00 WHS Voucher.



When I was paid in cash, we used to refer to the notes as 'beer vouchers.'

Wouldn't it be great if they had vouchers that you could use in any shop you wanted? Say you wanted to buy a magazine, you could have a voucher worth, say, £5, and you could use it in any shop that sold magazines? And if the magazine was less than £5, they'd give you back vouchers for the remainder of the amount, and you could use those vouchers in another shop, to buy, say, a pint of milk? I'm surprised nobody's thought of that before. I think I need a .

You know your trouble EV ? You're such a dreamer. Step into reality would you ! You'd have to get some government department to run it. Tehre'd be arguements about whether the vouchers you got from the newsagents were worth as much as the vouchers you got from the off-license.

It'd never work.