h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But that's a good point. I never actually asked if this is a pub that does meals as well, you know like Hogshead or Wetherspoons (forgive me for mentioning the competition). The best pub meals I've ever had are at The Caulkheads, a pub in Sandown, my home town, on the Isle of Wight. They do the largest range of meals, cakes and desserts I've ever seen! Bit expensive, but you get good value for money... There's even a loyalty card scheme..... Oi, menza@@e, do we have a loyalty card, and if so, can I have one?

I didn't think about loyalty cards, I'll have a word with the printer.

As for the food we have an excelent kitchen and can serve almost whatever you want.

Almost?

If the ingriedients come out of a Ginsters truck I can handle it.

Well, nobody eats anything but cake around here anyway!

Mad Hatter will enjoy it round here.

I don't think that the mad hatter's been in yet, still with this many people clamouring for cakes, maybe someone else would fill in for a while.

Any offers?

Another lemonade while I'm here please.

OK. Can I have a mercury cake

Looks like I'm going to have to put on an apron myself. Cake you say? How does peach-molasses cake with thick-whipped cream sound?

In the meantime, who's up for wedges and a couple of pieces of blue cod?

Does it help against hairy tounge and thumping head?

Ooooh somebody has been eating garbage with my mouth!

-B-

Do you want me to break up some aspirin and sprinkle it on the cake, or serve up the chips and cod with a side order of deep-fried paracetamol?

If that's what's on offer, I'll just quietly sip my vimto.....
By the way, menza@@e, don't suppose you've got a pissed-on-vimto smiley? Or a just plain pissed one?

I'm gonna start drawing me own soon...

Really? Will you do a "pissed-on-vimto" one?

There is a back log in the smilie production department, but I will have a load extra done for the weekend. But they might not get posted till Sunday.

Any way, one pint of lemonade. Anyone for something alcofrolic.

Okay, you convinced me. A pint of *drum roll* please....
(I must stop reading the forum from the beginning...)

OK, that is what I like to hear. One pint of "drum roll", will you be needing the bucket after?

You'll have to wait until I'm finished with it!

And you're still concious?

Well, near enough.