h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Sir Thomas Holte (1571 - 1654) - A17987395
Author: Geggs - Standing tall with British Gypsum, and making horses slow down whenever I can - U201647

It's more or less two years since I put anything through PR, so be gentle with me!

I put the entry in the EGWW first, just to check if it was up to scratch. Revelant thread is here - F6115989?thread=3729632.

Any suggestions gleefully recieved!


Geggs

Hi Geggs,

Just a couple of typo's I have found:-

>>During his last days he was finally persuded to leave Aston Hall and all his estates to Edward's son, Robert.<< = persuaded



>>Sir Thomas was, despite his anger, and educated and intelligent man.<< = an educated....



lil

Thanks lil, I've fixed those.


Geggs

Class entry, Geggs - I love reading about English eccentrics, and this guy's as mad as they come.

Icy

I'm sure there must be someone out there with something to say on this matter

Great entry Geggs! really interesting.
A few points if I may...

After the death of George in 1641, Edward was Sir Thomas' only remaining son.
Until this point you haven't mentioned any other of Holte's children... who's George?

persuded -->persuaded

So Sir Thomas re-married in short order, --> you could probably remove the 'So', but that's stylistic, and probably just me

there's an 'Ascrick' missing a c somewhere.

Other than that, I liked it very much.
and your journal entry mentioning British Gypsum has given me an idea for an entry!

Thanks Rockhound, I've fixed those.

Except for George, that is. Is it too much to suggest that the context implies that George is Sir Thomas' other son, who died? And that, at this point in time, that's pretty much all we know about him. There's nothing else to say.

As Pratchett commented about one of his characters: "He had seven sons and died. It's sad, but that's all you can say about some people."


Geggs

Glad that I could provide inspiration too.

To be honest, I'm still not entirely happy with the ending, but I couldn't think of anything better. It's just the "Mud sticks, doesn't it?" bit that I don't like. It's too short, I'd prefer something along he lines of:

"He may not have been convicted of murder, but history hasn't let him get away with it entirely."

but I can't quite find the right form of words to deliver the sting on the end.

Can anyone help?


Geggs

Nah, the George thing was only a minor quibble... ignore away

For the ending something along the lines of '...proving he could escape imprisonment but not infamy.' might work

Though actually, I think you should keep the mud sticks bit on the very end. I liked it!

Sounds like a typical Villa fan to me.

In your last paragraph there's this sentence - "Sir Thomas was, despite his anger, and educated and intelligent man."

I think you should change anger to rages, then the 'and' before educated should be 'an'

I agree with you about mud sticks, because that is usually used to indicate where someone has effectively been slandered.

How about - Whilst the courts of the time may not have been troubled by the implication laid against Sir Thomas, the courts of heraldry managed to obliquely imply his crime.

What a nutter.

"Sounds like a typical Villa fan to me"

yes, your typical Aston Villain through and through

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Oh, hello!

My entry gets recommend just before I log of my office computer till the new year. That's good timing.


Geggs

Well Done, Geggs!!


Merry Christmas too!


lil xx

Congratulations, Geggs!

Nice one Geggs, have a good Christmas

Well done!

Hi there Geggs - I've just finished subbing your Entry, and you can find the result at A18355836

Please have a look and let me know if it's ok or not, and then I'll send it back.

Alex
<./>SubEditor</.>

Looks good to me.


Geggs

Oops - forgot to say "Off it goes, then "...