Lernin ta tawk liyka Noo Yawka da fanetik way!
Welkum to da Langwich Skool uv Noo Yawk.
(Translation: Welcome to the Language School of New York.)
If ya wanna lern howda tawk lyka Noo Yawka, yuv kumtuda righd playce! Owah methud involvz speekin da wurdz fanetikly, thus inablin yata ged ah ferm grasp ada vernacila.
(Translation: If you want to learn how to talk like a New Yorker, you've come to the right place! Our method involves speaking the words phonetically, thus enabling you to get a firm grasp on the vernacular.)
Owah Furst Lessin
(Translation: Our First Lesson)
Uhvery impordunt tipta speekin lyka Noo Yawka izta slu tugetha enny smawl werdzat may geddindaway. Wun protracdud werd mayduppa menny smawl wunz werkz very wellfamohz Noo Yawkas. Zoze annoyin pawzez buttween werdz taykup too much tiyme, witch kudbe bedda spend doin sumthin impordund. Liyk gointathu theaduh.
(Translation: A very important tip to speaking like a New Yorker is to slur together any small words that may get in your way. One protracted word made up of many small ones works very well for most New Yorkers. Those annoying pauses between words take up too much time, which could be better spent doing something important. Like going to the theatre.)
Unutha impordunt tipizta cud awfdaenza mowst werdz. Zey jus taykup preshus tiyme; whoneedzum?
(Translation: Another important tip is to cut off the ends of most words. They just take up precious time; who needs them?)
Yukinuze summathu tiyme ya save by cuddinawfze endza werdz by addin extruh sillublzta sum werdzat dumand bedda treadmunt. Zu werd "beeah", furexampull, duzervz two sillublz, azduzza werd "heeah". In facd, mosd werdzat endinna "eeah" sound shud havean extruh silluble addud.
(Translation: You can use some of the time you save by cutting off the ends of words by adding extra syllables to some words that demand better treatment. The word "beer", for example, deserves two syllables, as does the word "here". In fact, most words that end in the "ear" sound should have an extra syllable added.)
Awaydalook troolie authendik whenin convasashun izta constundly nodya head undzay "Yea-ah, yea-ah" while unutha persun iz speakin taya. Ziz showzat yur lizzenin tazeir evrie werd, andalso incuragizem taspeedidup, yuv god placiz ta go!
(Translation: A way to look truly authentic when in conversation is to constantly nod your head and say "Yeah, yeah" while another person is speaking to you. This shows that you are listening to their every word and also encourages them to speed it up, you've got places to go!)
Zisiszenda Lessin Wun. Yuv masduhdze basikz! Yamusbe prowd!
(Translation: This is the end of Lesson One. You've mastered the basics! You must be proud!)