h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mike Corley is in trouble, you know.
Here I was, searching the Internet for further evidence against this man, when I come across this material, revealing that he knows that we are on to him. That’s bad, and we just may have to act upon it.
I am a subordinate agent of the Danish branch of the MC-project, but I know how to spell trouble.
Hey, maybe I’ll be promoted for spotting this?
And anyway, the Danish state television broadcasters, DR, are also part of the plot! Ha! As is the NT (Nordjyllands Trafikselskab), which ‘officially’ just runs ‘public transport’ in the northern parts of Jutland, Denmark… Ha… Snicker…
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!
But the really nasty thing is XXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX X XXX XXXXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXX X XXXXXX and be sure to pay attention to XX XXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX XX XXXXXXXXXX X XXXXXXX XX XXXXX XXXX, if it isn’t taken out by the MC-project-guys at H2G2, that is.
Don’t say that I didn’t warn you!

Shhhhhhh! He's listening!

Forget it. It's too late anyway.
The MC-Project is in its final stage and everybody who knows too much has had it. I know too much, so you may never hear from me again. Obviously, as do you. Some advice:
Do NOT open any strange smelling packages posted by either the BBC, MI-anything, DR or NT.
Do NOT open any e-mail from the before mentioned, as it will contain a virus rendering your computer a very small and very powerful explosive. And set it off.
Do NOT cross the street if black vans are nearby and ready to drive in your direction.
Do NOT go anywhere without at least five ounces of Kevlar strategically adjusted over your body.
Do NOT open your door to any strangers.
Do NOT accept any job-offers from the Sirius Cybernetics as the revolution is close at hand.
And – very important – do NOT at any time approach cucumbers! I cannot say anymore about this secret weapon, I’ve all ready said too much.
And finally and most importantly, if you want to see another Monday, do NOT XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XX X XXXXXXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXX X but XXX XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX in particular if X XXXX XX XXX XXXXXXXXXX X XXXXX XXXXXXX X XXXXXXX X XXXXXXXX and beware of XXXXXXXX!
Take care.

Lucky I read that. Snortin' Antivirus just reported that I have had an email attachment which contained the Corley-M virus. Luckily this was the innocuous strain which just convinces your PC that you are mounting a conspiracy against it, forcing it to do useful work. The PC sulks and freezes, blue screens at random and will occasionally run at 10% of normal speed or less for no apparent reason.

Obviously on a PC running Windows this behaviour can go unnoticed for months, but in this case Norton Futilities was able to disinfect my disks.

Bill Gates is part of the conspiracy, I suddenly realized. If you look at all the hidden agendas of Windows 98, it is obvious that AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGH-

Is this guy for real?!? I don't believe it... Nobody is THAT paranoid, are they?!?

Obviously!

Well, yes, according to the available evidence Mike Corley genuinely is that paranoid. There is a theory that his page is an experiment by psychology students, but I discount this on the grounds that (a) it's been going on for longer than the average lifespan of a research council grant (about 2 weeks at the present rate of exchange) and (b) the site is fairly extensive and I really can't see any student, especially a psychology student, putting in that much actual work.

You DO realise that the true conspiracy lies in convincing us about Corley, don't you?

Only according to The Guardian.

But they cannot be trusted!

Did you write that in green ink?

Whaddaya think, that I'm crazy or something?
Naturally not!
Why would I?
But I went off-line while I did it!

Just checking. I've been flying a bit lately, so I've been reading the Grauniad and getting up to date with all the little conspiracy theories circulating.

Flying?
But that way you are subjected to all their...

Either you are extremely brave or extremely dumb.
Or perhaps just extreme...

I hope you'll make it safely!

Hey, does anybody know what's happened to this guy? He doesn't seem to have updated his page since sometime '97. That's a little worrying

Take care, buddy!
If you find out, you are liable to injury or worse...

MI5, the KGB, the CIA and the BBC have conspired to have all ISPs prevent him from logging on.

Well, as the saying goes -

Even if you're diagnosed paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you!

Geeeheeeheee