h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You gave it to her in Brunel.

<./>ThePost</.>

*subcribes* I'll give it another read later, D great work so far!

Thanks for explaining

Speaking from , this has potential, but ideally we'd like to see it organised a little more - it has a bit of a rambling or ranting quality right now that loses the main arguments somewhat.

EMR (Editor)

At this point, I bow out.

*gracefully bows out*

Did I say something wrong?

Ah no, emr, it's just that Leo's plate is rather full and I had asked for help with this entry. I am very glad you're here. I'll do my best to guide Danni6a along if you'll just keep an eye on proceedings.


W

A15677157 - Human Desire- Consumption

Danni6a, I think this needs a bit of trimming and tightening up. As emr says, the content is great, the style is good but it rambles just a little and therefore (being so long) needs ot work a bit harder to hold the attention of your reader. Let's see if we can put some struts into the structure and make it read at a clip... section by section, if that's ok with you:


ARTICLE 1

[we can lose this first heading, I think, the first paragraph needs to introduce your concept, what you are going to talk about, so let's look at that first]

Once a man [who was this man?] said that the unproductive consumption of goods would be the marker of social status, little did he know how right he would be.

[Very long sentence coming up...] Consumption isn’t one of those words that are merely there for the sake of some stuffy lecturer with halitosis, it’s an everyday activity, it’s the staple diet of modern society, and society, my friend, is you. [ Try it this way: 'Consumption' isn’t one of those words merely there for the sake of some stuffy lecturer with halitosis. It’s an everyday activity, the staple diet of modern society... and society, my friend, is you. ] [another long'un coming up:] From the clothes you wear to the music you listen to, its your favourite colour, your opinions and its waiting to be heard; your collective voices are reflecting in the glare of society, it is culture and it’s about time we all knew about it. [how about this instead? - The clothes you wear, the music you listen to, your favourite colour, your opinions waiting to be heard all represent your collective voices reflecting in the glare of society. This is {popular?} culture and it’s about time we all knew about it.]

[What we are aiming for is more structure, as emr suggests, so we'll also need some headings for paragraphs, starting from this point. Look at my suggestions, see what you think and let us know what you do, OK?]

Wilma

ok so what happens now??

If i edit it- do i then repost it or just edit the post thats already there?

Danni6a, you need to edit *this* copy that we have here in the workshop. Sorry if you misunderstood me, but you must not make several copies of the same entry. You can edit this one, and we go and read your edits then comment some more until it is ready to go back into Peer Review.

A15677157 - Human Desire

W

All done- for now! Review away

I am assuming you are writing this for the Edited Guide, yes? There are some ground rules to adhere to. They are outlined in the Edited Guide Guidelines.

>>> We all want to be rich and famous; those who succeed need the recognition <<<

This is not necessarily true, Danni6a, you'll need to go through the entry and check that all your statements are factual.

All first person references need to come out. You need to rewrite it with no 'I' or 'we' anywhere.

>> At what point did we consume meaning and start prostituting sex as a commodity?<< This does not make sense. How does one consume meaning? If this is an established term then it needs to be explained. Prostitution is the marketing of sex, so how do you perform the 'marketing of sex' of sex? See how it doesn't work? I kind of know what you mean to say but you'll need to find a different way of saying it. Check similar statements throughout your entry and tighten up the language a little.

Remember that you are writing for people to read. These are very intelligent people but you must assume they do not have a background in your material and therefore will need guiding to comprehend your arguments.

Take your time with this, D. You'll get there but it is going to take a bit of work.


W

Originally wanted to get towards edited guide because i really want the Peer Review stage( its part of my MA and feedabck is essential)...thought you said it would be best for The Post??

Had a play let me know what you think...

Danni6a, the Edited guide has specific guidelines which are published here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/SubEditors-Style and here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/Writing-Guidelines

To get this into the EG, you may end up with an entry that does not fit the requirements of your MA - but then I don't know what those are. You have to make that judgement. We are happy to work with you to get this to the required format if that is what you decide to do.

The Post is h2g2's 'magazine' which is published twice a month. To get published there, the entry does not go through Peer Review, it is edited outright. Do you want to have a think about this and let us know what you decide to do?

Wilma

I make my own requirements for my MA- i just want feedback on the ideas and writing style...

Would like to aim for the edited quide- have read guidlines but am not quite sure how to progress with article...

please keep up the tutorials and i will amend accordingly

Much appreciated

You're welcome

OK, let's take this a step at a time. First, I need you to go back through the previous thread and make sure you have done everything suggested in there: F5160897?thread=3515963

Then I need you to go to this entry (which is already in the EG)A654969 and make sure you do not repeat anything that is in there. You can refer to themes but make that entry do the work for you by linking to it*. Remember that you are to 'add' to the Guide, not duplicate it.

Once you've done those two things, we can look at content more specifically. One thing you may want to think about in the meantime is your title. Think about how you are describing what you are writing about.

* Linking is done in GuideML. Don't worry about that for now, we can help you format your entry and clean up typos etc after the content has been sorted out.


W

Sorry, that EG entry is here: A654969

Apologies for the delay- mega busy...update to follow