h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We've all though about it. Some of us may have already tried. You know what I mean, world domination.....

TAKING OVER THE WORLD

....and what devious, cunning plans have been devised for this task? Lets hear them.....

Well, simply put, the key to global domination lies in sea bass and their connection to Sweden. I believe that once the link can be determined, the world is in your grasp.

no, no, no! the true key to global conquest lies through manipulation of the media kids are watching. place the right subliminal messages on "Barney and Friends" and the world is in the palm of your hand...

....but no one's actually tried?

Prehaps it's not worth the effort?

you've never heard of "The Jerry Springer Show", have you?

Are you Jerry Springer?

what good would the world do any way. Unless you can convince the americans that its not the ethonal that makes their gas more expensive, its their suv's and sport cars, unless you can solve problems then controling the world would be like enheriting a company with more debt than MC hammer.

Much more trouble than its worth.

Fools! You don't understand, world domination can only be reached with force.

Step 1 - Become a muti-billionere.
Step 2 - Buy a third world country.
Step 3 - Make that country rich.
Step 4 - Raise an army, navy, air force and special forces group.
Step 5 - Steal a 100 or so nukes by whatever means.
Step 6 - position subs with nukes at key positions across the globe.
Step 6 - Launch, and act really scared so as to convince the nations of the world that you are not to blame.

And then with the world in ruins and your county having the only sizeable army left..... WORLD DOMINATION. O.k so there wont be much of a world left but hell it'll do for me. And it'll be great for everyone, We can all pretend to be MAD MAX and run around with sawn off shotguns blowing peoples faces off WOOOOHOOOOO!

Right! That sound like a plan.

I'll supply a third-world country, train the army, navy and airforce. Dust off the nukes in my basement (I hope they haven't expired. They've been sitting there since the Berlin wall thing. What's the half-life of your average nuke I wonder?)

You can supply the money, formulate the strategy and deploy the troopes. You may also want to get hold of some anti-radiation pills.

Nothing can go wrong!

I can supply some troupes with the following qualities -
- They adore killing people
- Their thick skulls should keep out any radiation, and have the added bonus of shielding you from the nukes as well

Oh, and those nukes have a very long half-life, so we have plenty of time to prepare (that is, if you don't mind me stepping in - I've always wanted to dominate the world, and it's better to be on the winning side )

....and what will be your first decree when you become [insert title here].....?

My title will be "Aurora - Presider over Evilness"!
My first decree will be a plea to all at H2G2 (who support the Domination) to identify all evil people in power, and persuade them to join our cause!

Those who don't die from radiation poisoning, I assume.

I suppose they'll be the ones who are rich enough to build their own nuke shelters. And the ones who become slightly mutant but don't die...

I'd like to be the leader of the first mutant army. That'll be cool, I'd fit right in.....

And what would you order your army to do, oh mutant one?

'My army'. I like the sound of that.

My first decree as the leading, most exhulted, all powerfull, posessor of limitless ruthlessness, the head honcho mutant, would be to compose a nice marching tune we can all sing along to as we go about spreading evilness throughout the world.

How do you think it should go?

How about:

Hi ho, hi ho,
It's off to kill we go.
We've got a taste for human flesh
Hi ho, hi ho hi ho...

"Kill kill kill!" always has a nice ring to it.

Killing is one thing, but how about razing and pilliging? The troops must get well rounded exposure after all! The last thing I want is murderous, ruthless, blood thirsty, mutant hordes which are not well adjusted.