h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay, I won't panic....


AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Easy man. There there.

Breathe in and breathe out slowly. Repeat this until you calm down. Yes, you're right, it's very scary, but calm down.

I hope you're OK now, 'cos if you're not you may not be in a fit state to read this, but I was wondering just exactly what it was that you were panicking about because I often panic about things like stars being there and why I happen to be and I am only a tiny almost immaterial little dot and oh my God I think I'm panicking too

Ok, it's infectious, I'm panicking too now! Noooo! Argh argh argh!

No... don't panic... its *all* gonna be okay.
Take a deep breath........ slooooowwwwlllllllyyyyy............
Count to ten..........
one.......
two.....
three...
four....
five...
six......
seven...
eight...
nine...
ten...
Relax. And try to find some chocolate.

Ok,
one argh argh,
two argh,
three,
four,
five argh what comes after 5, i can' think I'm panicking too hard, argh,
i know six,
seven, argh,
eight,
nine,
and ten.

Yes you're right, it worked, i'm not panicking at all anymore.
Now, why was I panicking, oh dear, I don't remember, help, I don't know what I was panicking about!!! Help, argh! Oh no! I'm panicking again!

Okay.... take another deep breath....try counting to ten again....
perhaps you're panicking because you've not edited your homepage yet
anyways, have a donut.
*hands over chocolate donut*

Thanks, doughnuts always help!

*sounds hopeful*
Are you feeling a little less panicky now????

A little, but I still need to know what I was panicking about. Wait, maybe I don't. If I discover that, I'll probably start panicking again. Can I have another doughnut?

Sure you can
*hands over another donut*
You know, you might want to visit the donut stall at http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=26840&thread=45290
And try to forget that you were panicking. Selective amnesia is a good thing!

Panicking? Who was panicking? Was I? *she frowns a little but then smiles: she didn't know this selective amnesia thing was so effective*
Thanks for the address. Yes, I think I will go there! Not quite at the moment, two doughnuts is enough for now, but shortly I'll want another one!
Anyway, I don't need to panic, I have written an introduction, even if it could be a great deal more exciting. TTFN.

Just to let you know that I am going to take over this planet (the Earth) and you can panic if you like, but it won't help or hinder me.

Thank you.

Oh, okay, well thanks for telling us

Hello again! Suddenly when I have to disappear for a week the conversation starts up again! So hello and thanks very much for the 'Count to 10' approach, I only panic after I've realised I can't count to 10 now...and I've been practising: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0. There, only had to follow my keyboard. Hang on...there's no 10 there. OK, keep calm, try again 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0 still no 10!! Where's 10? 10, 10, where is it? Don't panic, don't panic, count to 10, I can't, no 10, AARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take a deeeeeeep breath......
Its all going to be okay... see, you can type 10... you just did. No need to panic.... honestly...

OK, OK, 10 I can type 10, it comes after 9, I can do this, 9 comes after 8, which comes after 7 which comes after 6 which comes after 5 which comes after 4 which comes after 3 which comes after 2 which comes after 1 which comes after 0 which comes after, comes after - what does 0 come after? 0, I can do this, something comes before 0, I must know this, we should have done it in Maths, I can do this, what comes before 0, -1! -1 comes before 0! YES!! I can do this! and -1 comes after -2 which comes after -3 which comes after -4, this goes on until infinity, doesn't it? Now there's a scarey thought! Uh-oh; scarey thought. OK, I can do this, I just proved I could, so 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 Yes I can! 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Great, I feel great, I'm not panicking, this is good, very good, I really don't need to panic. Thank you very much Joanna! I'm going to keep practising that. Maybe I'd better practise it here so you can help/advise me if something happens! (Like I start panicking again, which IS NOT going to happen)
Great! Excellent! Wonderful! Great!

Good! I'm glad its going well

Yeah! So am I!
0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!
Waahooo!