h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Walter, have some compassion. All the top Kiwi bowlers are injured. OK, all is probably overstating things. Make that both Cairns and Vettori are out injured, as are others. Even Australia would struggle a bit against South Africa, in SA, if Warne and Waugh (M) were unavailable.

Have you got a yarn posted at the Peer Review page I should have a look at?

Loony,

You ask me to show compassion; me, when my favourite and beloved soccer team got flogged 5-1 on Saturday by a NON LEAGUE team in the first round of the FA Cup? And after The Wizards of Oz got done by England? You ask a great deal more than I am emotionally equipped to give, cobber.

Yarn? What yarn? The only thing I've written recently is an essay, and that is very definitely not of the genre that would lend itself well, or indeed at all, to the h2g2 site, and neither would those who I count as h2g2 friends derive any pleasure from reading it.

I'm toying with the idea of doing a short, slightly lighthearted entry on monarchs of England named Richard, but you're the first person I've mentioned the idea to and it may not work anyway. As I have discovered, there is a world of difference between writing for university and work, compared with writing for readability and reader pleasure and interest like you do. As I have said several times cobber, you have the gift. I can write an essay, and I can write about industrial relations 'till the cows come home, and after if necessary, but I don't have your gift and I never will.

Take care,

Walter

PS,

Look, I do realise that you must be hurting after the Frogs hopped all over you, but on the other hand you did give England a nice old shellacking in the absurdly named World Cup (the best I could get set about an Oz/Enzed final was 5-4 ON!).

I wonder what the odds were for Wales to be leading Aus at half time in the World Cup semifinal?

Talking about betting. I had $200 on Lennox Lewis to beat Samoan New Zealander, David Tua, in the world heavyweight boxing last week. He was 2/1-on in NZ, 5/1-on in Las Vegas. It was the easiest $100 I've ever made.

Tua (from Auckland), was the 3rd New Zealamder person to fight for the undisputed world heavyweight crown. The others were Bob Fitzsimmons (from Timaru) in 1897 and in 1928 "The Hard Rock from Down Under," Tom Heeney of Gisborne who fought Gene Tunney. Both lost. Have any Aussies ever fought for it?

apart from 'Aussie Joe' Bugner you mean ROFL

I think years ago there was someone called Dave Sands or Brown, boxing is not my strongpoint im afraid Loony.

Did you see my earlier question to you?

Sorry Linus, I missed your post. I had a look on the SMH website but couldn't find anything. Could you post a link to the yarn? I am on The Pavilions mailing list but, alas, nothing was sent today.

From the NZ TAB

Australia $1.25
West Indies $11.00
Draw $4.25

Anyone know Mark Waugh's email address? I need some pitch and weather info

Martin Crow might be able to help you...

Pitch sounds a bit dodgy from what i've heard. Pity Gillespie is out injured again

After whinging and whining to the Powers at h2g2 Towers I have managed to get the Australasia link on the front page changed to read Oceania

Hi Loony,

Look, I don't even enjoy Rugby League, so no cheap shots at the Kiwis. Expensive ones yes, but no cheap ones. How are you doing?

Just as a matter of interest, I never much minded 'Australasia'. I guess 'Oceanania' brings back memories of '1984'. Take care,

Walter.

1984 - the triumphs of the mighty All Whites. NZ v Brazil at the World Cup finals. It doesn't get much bigger than that for sporting teams from New Zealand and islands to our west. Excellent memories.

Walter, Shearing magazine has been printed, distributed and the owner of the mag is pleased with my efforts. Me happy. Alas the printers used a full page colour advertisenent from the previous edition on the back page by mistake. Owner not happy.

In weekend softball news. The men's world champions, NZ, beat Australia 9-0.

Is that because you are softer than us Loony

I would have been quite happy for you to win the RL one as long as we could keep the Union one....

G'day Linus. No way. In NZ, league is a minor sport played by a few Polynesians from South Auckland. Union is the national religion - which goes some way to explain why we detest the French.

I'm well aware of that Loony, however being a union lad myself...

Softball update. Second game: NZ Black Sox 10 Australia 3.

Hi Loony,

Hey, look, I realise this may be a daft question, but is softball what we of slightly ancient lineage used to call rounders? And are you serious - the Enzed sheilas' team is called Black Sox?

Congratulations on your contribution to Shearers' Monthly. Any chance of you posting up an article or two from it, or is all your stuff for the mag now in some state of copyright? Take care,

Walter.

The world-champion NZ mens softball team does indeed rejoice in the, somewhat historically dodgy, name, Black Sox. The Silver Ferns netball side play Aus in SA tomorrow. I'm not too sure what name the women's cricket team - they play Aus tomorrow as well - play under.

Walter, most of the stuff in Shearing magazine isn't really of general interest. Here's an edited index. If anything gets your juices running tell me and I will post it here. The contents are subject to normal copyright rules.

Index
The Extreme Challenge
Catching Up With The Jonses
Preparation Affects Prices
Waimate Shears
Around The Sheds
Alexander Action
Armindale Test Report
Australian Championships
Blade Shearing In 2000
Omarama - Full Report
Champ Coming Right
Cooked Boots Beat Pests
Donny Hammond Retires
Siberia - The Poem
Then Along Came Dad
Trophy Moves On
Obituaries
Results

This yarn IS of general interest

Something rare happened at Armidale last month in terms of recent Trans-Tasman sporting rivalry - a piece of silverware returned home with a New Zealand team, thanks to the combined efforts of shearers Darin Forde, Grant Smith and David Fagan.

The Walker-Keats Cup may not yet carry the mana of rugby’s Bledisloe, but the biannual, Sunbeam-sponsored contests reintroduced in 1997 are rapidly assuming their own special history and thus far, the men in black are keeping themselves on the right side of the ledger.

Down to the wire
Australia won by two points or thereabouts in the initial clash at Fremantle in 1997; New Zealand won by a whopping three-point margin at Armidale in 1998 and lost by three points at Tara a year ago. No surprises then when this latest encounter also went right down to the proverbial wire.

Aussie Ross Thompson and NZ’s Darin Forde had a good old joust for the speed stakes - for 12 of the 16 sheep being shorn Thompson held the advantage before the fair-haired southerner edged ahead.

World champ an early worry
World champion Shannon Warnest meantime was causing a few worry lines on the faces of Kiwi supporters as he kept up with the pace on his eight merinos. This wasn’t part of the game plan - he was meant to fall away, concentrating instead on that formidable quality which already has him being spoken of in the same Aussie breath as Kevin Sarre, Mark Conlan and Shannon’s own mentor, John Hutchinson. Smith and Fagan meantime were doing their best to stay within touch of the other Australian speedster, Dean King.

These guys are fast
By the end, Forde (18.49) had a 30 second advantage over King and Thompson; Fagan and Smith buttoned off together around 20.25 and watched Warnest shear his last, with the world champ’s clock stretching out to 21.42.

In that frantic half hour between finishing the test, getting away for showers and back in time for presentations, the New Zealand trio were doing their sums. They had a couple of points up their sleeves on time; the board points were pretty close (though that involved a bit of guessing about how well Ross Thompson might have fared on the board) and that just left some wondering about outside jobs. They knew Shannon would be ultra-tidy, but just maybe…

Team manager Allan Pretious couldn’t help with the figures - he’d been judging out the back but, apart from remembering one pen of sheep as being clearly superior to all the rest (“That’ll be Shannon,” three Kiwis said in unison) all the rest were pretty even, he reckoned.

Soon enough, all was revealed, with New Zealand winning by 241.500 penalties to Australia’s 245.090. Allan Pretious said later that the NZ Wool Board and NZ Sports Foundation-sponsored team had been motivated by New Zealand’s relative lack of success at the Sydney Olympics, and shore above themselves to beat Australia on their own turf and bring the magnificent silver trophy home with them.

As further evidence of the closeness between the two teams - in the four ‘away’ tests since Fremantle in 1997, both teams have shorn an aggregate 192 sheep each. New Zealand’s combined penalties are 939.641 and Australia’s 940.825!

The same New Zealand trio will defend the trophy in the second leg of the series at Masterton’s Golden Shears, next March. The Australian team for the second leg will comprise Dean King, Rod Moran and Nick Endacott, first three placegetters in the Australian national championship held at Armidale prior to the test match.

Expat Kiwi woolhandlers win
New Zealand woolhandlers Ailsa Fleming and Jackie Harmer couldn’t match the success of the shearers, losing their contest with Australia (represented by expatriate Kiwis Aroha Garvin and Eileen Evans) by 120 points. The New Zealand result included a 100-point penalty for contamination when, in the heat of the moment, a crossbred fleece got mixed with the fine wool.

This may be easier to read. For some unknown reason h2g2 doesn't like Word software apostrophes.

Something rare happened at Armidale last month in terms of recent Trans-Tasman sporting rivalry - a piece of silverware returned home with a New Zealand team, thanks to the combined efforts of shearers Darin Forde, Grant Smith and David Fagan.

The Walker-Keats Cup may not yet carry the mana of rugby's Bledisloe, but the biannual, Sunbeam-sponsored contests reintroduced in 1997 are rapidly assuming their own special history and thus far, the men in black are keeping themselves on the right side of the ledger.

Down to the wire
Australia won by two points or thereabouts in the initial clash at Fremantle in 1997; New Zealand won by a whopping three-point margin at Armidale in 1998 and lost by three points at Tara a year ago. No surprises then when this latest encounter also went right down to the proverbial wire.

Aussie Ross Thompson and NZ's Darin Forde had a good old joust for the speed stakes - for 12 of the 16 sheep being shorn Thompson held the advantage before the fair-haired southerner edged ahead.

World champ an early worry
World champion Shannon Warnest meantime was causing a few worry lines on the faces of Kiwi supporters as he kept up with the pace on his eight merinos. This wasn't part of the game plan - he was meant to fall away, concentrating instead on that formidable quality which already has him being spoken of in the same Aussie breath as Kevin Sarre, Mark Conlan and Shannon's own mentor, John Hutchinson. Smith and Fagan meantime were doing their best to stay within touch of the other Australian speedster, Dean King.

These guys are fast
By the end, Forde (18.49) had a 30 second advantage over King and Thompson; Fagan and Smith buttoned off together around 20.25 and watched Warnest shear his last, with the world champ's clock stretching out to 21.42.

In that frantic half hour between finishing the test, getting away for showers and back in time for presentations, the New Zealand trio were doing their sums. They had a couple of points up their sleeves on time; the board points were pretty close (though that involved a bit of guessing about how well Ross Thompson might have fared on the board) and that just left some wondering about outside jobs. They knew Shannon would be ultra-tidy, but just maybe...

Team manager Allan Pretious couldn't help with the figures - he'd been judging out the back but, apart from remembering one pen of sheep as being clearly superior to all the rest ("That'll be Shannon," three Kiwis said in unison) all the rest were pretty even, he reckoned.

Soon enough, all was revealed, with New Zealand winning by 241.500 penalties to Australia's 245.090. Allan Pretious said later that the NZ Wool Board and NZ Sports Foundation-sponsored team had been motivated by New Zealand's relative lack of success at the Sydney Olympics, and shore above themselves to beat Australia on their own turf and bring the magnificent silver trophy home with them.

As further evidence of the closeness between the two teams - in the four "away" tests since Fremantle in 1997, both teams have shorn an aggregate 192 sheep each. New Zealand's combined penalties are 939.641 and Australia's 940.825!

The same New Zealand trio will defend the trophy in the second leg of the series at Masterton's Golden Shears, next March. The Australian team for the second leg will comprise Dean King, Rod Moran and Nick Endacott, first three placegetters in the Australian national championship held at Armidale prior to the test match.

Expat Kiwi woolhandlers win
New Zealand woolhandlers Ailsa Fleming and Jackie Harmer couldn't match the success of the shearers, losing their contest with Australia (represented by expatriate Kiwis Aroha Garvin and Eileen Evans) by 120 points. The New Zealand result included a 100-point penalty for contamination when, in the heat of the moment, a crossbred fleece got mixed with the fine wool.

Secret diary 29/11/00

6.30am: Wake up to the sounds of birds singing. Hit the remote on the TV. Settle back in bed to watch the NZ v Aus netball game beamed in live from South Africa.

7.30am: Arise wearing little apart from a smile.

11.50am: Post netball result (NZ 52 Aus 40) at h2g2.

Meanwhile in Sydney:-

Caller: The netball
Host: Yes
Caller: Shocker
Host: Yes
- Radio 2UE talkback

Good morning Loony,

We awoke and got moving around the same time, and to birdsong. A real 'good to be alive day' here in Hobart, except it was a bit too hot at 30 degrees yesterday. And then you bring me news from South Africa: is that the country where the New Zealand cricket team expired and are buried? If so, chuck a (cheapish) floral tribute on the last known resting place for me, will you? Take care,

Walter.