h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

STOP PRESS:

Tasmania's Minister for Primary Industries today urged the federal government not to relax the current limitations in respect of importing apples from New Zealand. "New Zealand apples have endemic fireblight, a devastating disease which, if introduced to Tasmania, could wipe out our apple industry, one of the mainstays of the State's 'clean and green' image. And why would anyone want New Zealand apples? Compared to the taste of our fruit, the imported apples are mediocre." Premier 'Emperor' Jim Bacon said if New Zealand had the capacity to produce Nobel Prize winners, (noting the strong English ancestry in that particular instance), it should not be beyond them to find a way of eradicating fireblight. "They could start by eradicating their entire apple crop," the Premier said.

Hi,

If Loony tosses rubbish on us does that make it open season on him.

If New Zealand cannot export apples to Tasmania and ruin their crops, they could export pears to Victoria and ruin all the pear crops. In addition, we will be able to bulldoze those trees also.

Sorry to be so bitchy but I was working in the apple industry when some num nut tried to smear the trees in the botanical gardens with fireblight and bring our industry into disrepute.

With all this higher intelligence now in NZ. You would think someone would work out it is better to grow healthy fruit.

Moondancer

You tell 'em Moondancer.

A weapon, looking like a small howitzer, has been developed in Hawke's Bay to help fruitgrowers fight off birds trying to eat their crops.

The Flyaway Bird Company, a joint venture including Ngati Kahungunu Maori, is beginning production of the bird scarer at the Hawke's Bay Wind Machines plant in Hastings.

The gas-fired gun is the result of three years' work by Hastings inventor Peter Kyle, who is part Ngati Kahungunu, with help from America's Cup engineer Richard Karn.

h2g2 researcher, Mr L Tunes of Napier, has expressed interest in mounting the howitzers on speedy America's Cup yachts and Maori war canoes. He intends sailing this flotilla, crewed by angry NZ apple growers, to Tasmania in a, no doubt forlorn, attempt to talk sense to the self-interested, inefficient, subsidised Tasmanian apple growers. NZ pear growers are keeping a watching brief on developments.

STOP PRESS

'Wallaby in waiting now on BLACK list'

Tasmanian-born flanker, Justin Collins, will have his three-year contract with NSW cancelled if, as is being widely tipped, he is called up to the Enzed squad which is about to embark on that most arduous of rugby journeys, to Italy and France.

How would you pick anyone for flanker with a name like Justin?

Walter, the Auckland Rugby Union has pulled out of the negotiations. They (reportably) are disgusted with the tactics of Collins agent in trying to play NSW against Auckland in an attempt to boost Justin's monetary value.

An All Black flanker from my home town, Napier, was the legendary Kel Tremain. Nobody called big Kel, Kelvin. I suspect Kel would not have enjoyed Justin's (Jus the Wus?) company.

Loony, watching the semi-final between Canterbury and Taranaki live on TV. Canterbury are leading 8-7 after 17 minutes. Wellington beat Auckland in the other semi.

Oops, I just had another read of your posting. The only people showing interest in Collins were the Auckland Rugby Union. There is a big difference between wearing the As jersey and wearing the sacred AB one.

Gooday Loony,

Gee, I wouldn't have called Kel Tremain 'Kelvin' either. Now there IS a legend.

In another breaking story, Tasmanian apiarists have been stung into action (oops, sorry) by reports that Enzed apples, rotten to the core with fireblight, will also bring pesky little brown mites along for the ride to the Apple and Honey Isle. Can't be more precise about these rotten little brown mite varmints as only heard the story once, but apparently once they infest a hive it and the bees are reduced to nothingness in a matter of weeks. Spokesman for Tassie honey producers (which itself is a bit of effrontery when you think about it, after all the so-called producers basically just stick the stuff into jars) said if the State's bees were wiped out by Enzed-origined nasties, the entire range of Tasmanian crops, fruit and flowers would be 'decimated' (oh, not so bad then, a ninety per cent survival) because there would be no bees to help fertilisation and pollination. As the spokesman said 'You can't pollinate a field of lavender by hand.'

Walter

Aussie mozzie in 15 sites around Gisborne
14 OCTOBER 2000

By PHILIP KITCHIN
The Australian mosquito that carries the Ross River virus has been found in 15 sites around Gisborne and a spraying programme is imminent, the Health Ministry says.

The announcement last night confirms suspicions that larvae found at the Wherowhero Lagoon, 20 kilometres south of Gisborne and a further find there last month, are from the southern saltmarsh mosquito.

Two pockets, covering a total of about 37 hectares, have been found contaminated with the mosquito, and a ministry technical advisory group yesterday advised spraying with the insecticide bti as soon as possible.

Yesterday's recommendation from the group means that a blitz on the mosquito, scientifically known as, Aedes camptohynchus, is likely to be the first step in a campaign similar to one in Hawke's Bay for the past 18 months.

Trapping and monitoring on 9000 hectares in and around Gisborne in the past week has found the mosquito so far confined to the Wherowhero Lagoon and an area of 0.6 hectares near Sponge Bay, north of Gisborne.

Officials do not think the mosquito has spread from Hawke's Bay but fear it could spread by plane.

The group's deputy chief technical officer, Sally Gilbert, said a containment programme would be the first step till further sampling was done of mosquito habitat as far north as Hicks Bay and as far south as Wairoa.

She said the containment programme, using the mosquito and sandfly-specific biological spray, bti, would include disinfection of any aircraft leaving Gisborne.

She said there were limited potential breeding sites in Gisborne and there was a good chance of being able to contain it.

The find, though it took the ministry nearly four months to confirm and publicise, is the first of its kind since a national surveillance programme was set up in December 1998 when the mosquito was found in Napier.

The southern saltmarsh is a particularly aggressive biter and residents in Napier complained of welts and severe bite marks.

In breaking news, Napier resident, Mr L Tunes, is starting a petition to ban the import into clean, green, New Zealand of Australian bananas and tomatoes.

QUESTION:

How on earth do they know that the mossies are Australian? I mean, are they green and gold coloured, humming Advance Australia Fair, or carrying identity bracelets on their delicate but obviously robust legs?

I'm just going to have a banana for lunch. Tomatoes: Loony, don't touch them unless there are from Tassie, in which case there won't be anything decent until Christmas.

PS Look, I know I've said this before, but in all seriousness, have you done anything about getting your writing into newspapers, like a column sort of thing. Mate, I've read thousands upon thousands of column-sized bits, as must have you, and yours leaves most of them for dead in terms of style, touch, clarity and variety. There must be some openings. If you wanted us to, me and the beloved would be quite happy to hawk some of your selected stuff around the two Tassie papers (sorry make that three or I'll be lynched).

Walter.

Ross River virus is characterised by a rash, fever and arthritis. Last year aedes camptorynchus, a mosquito capable of carrying and transmitting Ross River virus, barmah forest disease and Murray River encephalitis, was found in Hawke's Bay.

These symptoms were displayed by people from Napier who were bitten by the mosquitoes. The Ross and Murray are both Aussie rivers.

It is highly probable the larvae arrived via the Port Of Napier in unfumigated containers of Aus bananas and tomatoes. All containers are now routinely fumigated on arrival in NZ. Over the last 12 months three dead Aussie snakes have turned up at NZ ports. Presumably the snakes would have arrived alive in snake-free NZ if the fumigation regime had not been in place.

It is ironic that big brave Australia, home of legendary Olympic gold medal trap shooters, are scared of a couple of harmless (to humans) mites and blights.

Walter, as I mentioned before, I am not interested in being tied to any writing routine - which writing regular columns is. Some friends have started a free weekly in Napier. They have plans to go tri-weekly soon. I will be writing occasional stuff for them on a freelance basis. I have just scored the production contract to produce a quarterly 24 A4 page shearing magazine. It carries articles and ads about shearing and shearing equipment. It is widely distributed throughout this quite large industry. The guy who owns it will provide the written content and ad copy. I will do everything else up to the negative stage from home. I have a couple of other similar deals already.

With my health problems, chronic asthma and emphysema, this type of work suits me fine. My health problems also limit my ability to get out and about researching interesting column topics. You may have noticed the stuff I post on h2g2 is about sedentary topics

If things do turn to custard I imagine I could become filthy rich by moving to Brisbane and setting up Loonytunes Fumigation Services Ltd. I believe I have undraped a "window of opportunity". The mosquito problem has exposed Australia as a "Banana Republic" with all the ramifications this status has on current export hygiene standards.

Thanks for your kind words and offer. In return I release some excellent advice for Tasmanian bee keepers even though I suspect the Tasmanian honey mafia will be highly mortified to note South island honey is mite free.

Loony.

Keeping SI free of deadly bee mite
20 SEPTEMBER 2000

By HOWARD KEENE
Making sure the South Island is free of the bee-killing varroa mite and keeping it that way will be the job of 50 beekeepers under training in Christchurch.

Their three-day training course, which started yesterday, marks the beginning of the South Island Varroa Surveillance Programme. They are being trained by staff from AgriQuality and the MAF Biosecurity Authority.

The pinhead-sized mite was discovered in North Island hives in April.

After infestation was found to be extensive, the Government decided on containment rather than attempting eradication.

If varroa got to the South Island, it would have a severe economic impact. Pasture and fruit pollination, and the seed-raising industry, would be badly affected, and chemical-free honey would be a thing of the past.

MAF biosecurity programme co-ordinator Matthew Stone said the beekeepers were part of a response team which met annually to work through simulated disease outbreaks.

"The opportunity has been taken to tie in this regular exercise with varroa surveillance."

Mr Stone said the exercise was under phase two of the Varroa Management Plan, aiming to verify that the South Island was free from varroa, and to begin intensive surveillance that would provide an early warning of any future incursion.

In April, properties at Oamaru and Middlemarch were the focus of attention, because they had moved hives or queens from the North Island. They have had three clear tests.

Gooday Loonytunes,

Yes, that's the little bugger, the varroa mite. Set to become Enzed's most unwelcome export after fireblight and 94.5% of Bondi's population. Compared with the varroa mite, which is bringing a totally new dimension to the phrase 'to bee or not to bee', the Moz of Oz is positively benign and in any case has a thoroughly undeserved Ross River reputation. I'll buzz off then. Take care

Walter

Walter, maybe there is a God. I have just received, by email, this little gem from the owner/editor of the aforementioned Shearing magazine. Incidently this magazine has Australian, American and British subscribers. Keep an eye out for it guys.

Australian scientists have discovered at long last why their shearers have itchy feet.
They have found that hundreds of lice could be sheltering in their moccasins, being spread from property to property.
Lice are estimated to cost farmers up to $130 million a year in production losses and millions more in control costs. Lice are also blamed for causing sheep to lose weight and grow less wool.
Researchers at the University of Adelaide have found up to 224 lice can hide for up to 10 days on a pair of moccasins, even after only brief exposure to a sheep which has lice.
The New South Wales Farmers' Federation estimates one in four sheep may be infected with lice, the insects which cause them to rub against fences, damaging and tangling their wool.
But the answer to the lousy shoe problem might be a simple one.
New South Wales Agriculture spokesman Bob Marchant says sheep farmers had traditionally blamed straying or neighbours' sheep breaking through boundary fences for the lice in their flocks.
"This new research shows that moccasins can harbour up to 225 lice for up to 10 days following exposure to a lousy sheep for three and a half minutes during shearing.
"Farmers should be questioning their shearers and contractors whether they have shorn lousy sheep at the previous shed."
Moccasins should be placed in plastic bags and heated in the microwave for five minutes between sheds, Mr Marchant said.
"At least on a frosty morning they would be nice and warm to put on."
However New South Wales Farmers' Federation spokesman Murray Watson said shearers' wives might need some convincing on the benefits of the technique.
"Many people won't be happy to see their husbands cooking their boots in the microwave," he said.
The research also showed lice will not live on wool snagged on fences for more than 24 hours.
However, lice can live off the sheep for up to four weeks and survive in shearing sheds in early spring for 16 days.
Mr Marchant said clean sheep should not be penned for at least three weeks in a shearing shed where lousy sheep have been held.

ends


Cookie .... allow some space for a small cartoon with this one .. cheers

Love that footnote

what on earth are they wearing moccasins for in the first place Loony?
I asways assumed they would be wearing workboots - bet you can't tell i'm from the city


I'm not too sure about baked louse for breakfast either, i have the feeling it could be an acquired taste...

I'm glad you mentioned that Linus, I was wandering that my self about the work moccasins. What happens when some big hefty ram treads on your toe, do you loose out on work care if you are not wearing steel caps on your boots

Moondancer

Gentlemen a picture of an Australian shearer wearing moccasins can be found (for a short time) at the web site posted below.

I use this web site, in the main, for storing pictures I want to link to from elsewhere, h2h2 etc.

http://mysite.xtra.co.nz/~loonytunes/page2.html

Loony,

I can see by the background that it is definitely NZ, but what is to say that the sheerer is Australian. I cannot see Made in Australia tattooed on his behind or anything else, It is a matter of taking your word for it. And as you are trying to sling lousy moccasins across the Tasmin, is it reasonable that we should believe everything you tell us.


Moondancer

In short, yes

Cough, cough. (Walter, trying discreetly to catch Moondancer's attention before she is beguiled by the blandishments of the modest prince from Napier).

No worries Walter,

I'm too old to be beguiled by a silver-tongued devil from across the sea



Moondancer