Bush Announces War On Error
Created | Updated Sep 21, 2006
George Bush, in a major speech on 11 September, has announced a radical new policy shift in the run up to the midterm elections. 'Since the fateful day of September 11, 2001, we have been plagued on all sides by the evils of errorism. Error in linking Al Qaeda to Saddam Hussein. Error in thinking that Saddam had nuclear weapons or weapons of mass destruction. Error in thinking we could secure the country with 15 jeeps, three bulldozers and 12 helicopters. Error in deciding to invade
the bloody place at all.
'Saddam's regime posed a risk that the world could not afford to take,' he declared, referring obviously to a couple of refills of Toilet Duck found in the basement of the Presidential Palace. 'We look to the day when the nations of that region recognize their greatest resource is not the oil in the ground, because we will have it all ourselves by
then,' declared Mr Bush.
There have been a number of high-profile error attacks against American targets in recent years. In 2003, CIA agent Valerie Plame was outed 'in error' by shadowy forces acting from within Washington, DC itself. A high school in Pennsylvania was taken hostage by Creationists, who only surrendered after a judge called them 'idiots'. And in 2005,
the city of New Orleans struggled with near-anarchy for three days after FEMA declared that Hurricane Katrina was 'just a small bit of drizzle'.
The War on Error will concentrate on mastering a new technique called 'getting your facts right'. Another aim in the war will be the attainment of greater intelligence. This second aim is seen as purely aspirational at the present time.
'We are locked in the decisive ideological struggle of the 21st Century. Error threatens our very way of life. Maybe, some day in the distant future, we'll succeed in getting something right.'
