h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Thanks for popping in and reviewing Killarney, SW Ireland. Why not join in the discussions before moving on to the next page which is:
http://www.h2g2.com/A130924

All right, first one here!

Good start AG, but it needs much more information. You said: "There are always interesting people to talk to, places to visit, things to do, beers to drink etc." Why not mention some of the unique places to visit and things to do? I would also recommend mentioning where you can get the best beer.

Small correction - "and IT'S world class golf course" should be "and ITS world class golf course"

Question - what is Co. Kerry? I'm from the US, and don't know if Co. is an abbreviation for something. You might want to explain further or spell out......

I like the picture. I don't know what h2g2's policy is on art, and I haven't really seen any accepted entries with art, but I think a picture of the scenery is justified.

I'm sure there are a few things to do in winter - you could mention that the town gets quiet in winter, but you can still do this and this and that etc. Unless of course there really is nothing to do in winter.......

I'm pretty sure the last bit about contacting you for more information will get cut out, as will your email address, but it shouldn't hurt to leave it in if the article is strong enough - the editor will just remove it (I think).

Score: 5.5, but plenty of room for improvement.

Nice article but a bit short. Put some more stuff in it to make me want to visit. A promising start which I know you will improve.

A few spelling/grammer mistakes I noticed are corrected below.

Other things it is well known for is rain, rain, and, occasionally, rain. This does not seem to deter the tourists, who flock to it by the bucket (plane?) load. This is not a bad thing. Most tourists are out to have a good time. Therefore, they force other people to have a good time too. As a result, in the summer at least, this is one buzzing town. There are always interesting people to talk to, places to visit, things to do, beers to drink etc.
Of course, the downside is that in the winter, things go pretty quiet. Which is where a decent Internet connection is vital. That and a nice online community like h2g2.

Nice article, but I'm going to say the same thing you've heard before...it needs more. There must be more to this place, even if you have to expound on how unutterably dull it is, as I did in the article about my hometown.

A few grammatical notes:

Paragraph 1: South West=southwest. it's=its

Paragraph 2: good time, too. beers to drink, etc.

You're off to a good start, so here's a six. Now run with it!

A few points. There are some grammatical errors: it's -> its, and the abbreviations you've used should really be spelled out (ie: co. -> county, approx. -> approximately.

Two other problems are that the image is almost certain to be removed if this was to be an approved entry and the article is far too short. You give a good taster as to the people and places, but then neglect to tell us about them. I'm not saying you should write a huge essay, but in this case there is simply not enough "meat" on this article.

Also, I would drop the last two paragraphs - nice as it is to say good things about h2g2, it doesn't do anything for the article.

5.

OK! Thank you all for reviewing the article. I appreciate the need for more information, as most of you have pointed out. Also, I will correct the grammar and spelling mistakes I made (as kindly pointed out by you people!). As to the abbreviations, (a) I didn'te think that Co. wouldn't be recognized - very shortsighted of me, and I apologize, and (b) well, actually, there is no (b). So I'll go and make the corrections now.

Thanks again, all of you! I think that merits a mention + link on my homepage! (unless you don't want one - in which case I will remove it - kicking and screaming - from the page!)

Astrodome Goth!

Vegiman Writes:

The link to the next page has been post incorrectly (My Fault) and I apologise to Jimi X, his page can be found at:
http://www.h2g2.com/A193114 - please use this link
Thankyou vegiman

Right then. Changes implemented. Please look again, and make more suggestions. Thank you!

Just testing this forum editor doodah thingy. If you can read this message, it obviously works. If it doesn't work, and you are reading this message anyway, you really need to consult a doctor as soon as possible. I recommend he do a brain scan on you!

I nice description of what appears to be a beautiful corner of the world. However, TPTB frown on photos at this time.
I liked the entry, outside of the jpeg, I think this is just what the Guide is looking for more of!
Take a 8, you done great!!

Looking better AG! On a side note, I submitted an article about a band that includes two pictures (cover art). I'm sure it will get removed, but until then I'd like anyone who wanders by to see it. My assumption is that articles won't get rejected just because they include pictures - if the writing is strong enough then it is pretty easy to just remove the picture.

Much improved, which is what the Fun Run is all about. Couple of new grammatical issues:

Take it easy on the slang (ex. chillout room, funky music). It doesn't help the article.

Paragraph 5: You don't need the comma here: "white sand, and blue water." Also, get rid of the three dots at the end of that paragraph, and leave just the one.

You're going in the right direction, so you can upgrade that 6 to a 7 at your nearest hardware store, provided you kept the original receipt, within 30 days.

Very Nice Page (sorry, I have a bus to catch and might not be able to review it well )

Cutlery

Killarney (population approximately 10,000) is a relatively small town in county Kerry, in the southwest of Ireland. It is well known for its beautiful scenery, friendly people, the fact that there are about 65 pubs, and its world class golf course - if you're into golf.

In my humble opinion I don't think your intro works all that well. May I be bold enough to suggest something like this.

On the Southwest coast of Ireland, in County Kerry, you will find Killarney, a town of 10,000 people. Widely renown for its scenery, friendly people, numerous drinking establishments and for you golfers out there, a world-class golf course, this place is a true gem.

This may work better as a teaser to get people reading your article.

Sounds like an OK place to me, but I'd like a few more bits of info to separate it in my head from every other picturesque town in Ireland. Local characters? History of the place? Are there any other towns nearby worth a visit and how would we get to Killarney - road/train/plane/boat links etc?
And what are the hotels and nightclubs you mention actually like? Still, if I do ever find myself there you've told me about a good pub and that's a damn good place to start

I enjoyed the article but shouldn't "county Kerry" be County Kerry?

;^)#
picky picky

You're probably right about the County vs. county bit, Bruce. Thanx for stopping by and reviewing!

TWF:I'll put some (even...) more info in as soon as possible. When I'm less busy, OK? Thank you too for reading & reviewing

AG

Good article, I liked your style of telling that it CAN be interesting - and very boring. Laughed heartily about the birdwatchers=wildlife .
I do have some suggestions concerning the writing style though - if you think they would change Your Style too much, just ignore them...

"ocassionaly-occasionally" Nonny corrected it, but it's still there.
"This does not (...) load. This is not (...)" Sounds a bit like a list, you could use 'Which is not...'
"great music too" needs a comma, I think, whereas
"close for the winter, or only stay open weekends" could do without.
"well worth a visit is the (...)" I'd write as 'well worth visiting', cause you have "visit" quite a lot - you could try 'looking at', 'to see' or 'place to go/place you should not miss' for a change.
"(...)always interesting (...) places to visit (...). One of the interesting places to visit is (...)" is an example.
And "scenery" comes quite a lot, too -> 'landscape' could do as synonym, if you like it.

Pricky, I know... but I hope I could help a bit?

Thank you for taking the time to read my article, and yes you did help! I realise that some mistakes were pointed out earlier, but because I'm relatively dense everything has to be pointed out to me at least twice before I notice...Or at least, that's my only excuse. Please accept my apologies Nonnie, and everyone else whose (greatly appreciated) corrections I missed.

Goth

Good article. I like the flavor added by telling the local name for the Strawberry Tree. I do have some editorial comments.

The paragraphs didn't really flow together, I am not sure how to work it. In the line "... its world class golf course ..." I would make "its" possesive with "it's". In the line "... the summer at least,..." I would add a comma after summer. I would also make sure that there were commas before etc.

With those comments aside, good job, Killarney is a great town and I wish you luck in the submission.

I give it a 6.