h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Bout time I did a few of these, I reckon...

Best Scores

1) Jussi Jaaskelainen (Nirvanite) - 29
2) David James (DD) - 28
=3) Frank Lampard (MT) - 22
=3) Jens Lehmann (GreyDesk) - 22
=5) Andy Johnson (Terran) - 20
=5) Edwin van der Sar (MT) - 20
=5) John Terry (Bubba) - 20
=8) Thierry Henry (Egon) - 19
=8) Didier Drogba (DD) - 19
=10) Tim Cahill (McKay) - 18
=10) Yakubu (Magwitch) - 18

Worst Value (in terms of money lost, according to current market value)

1) Steven Gerrard (Terran) - 10.5m lost
=2) Michael Carrick (Skanky) - 8.1m
=2) Robbie Keane (Skanky) - 8.1m
4) Joe Cole (Trin) - 7.9m
5) Wayne Rooney (Skanky) - 7.3m
6) Jamie Carragher (Bubba) - 7.2m
7) Marlon Harewood (GreyDesk) - 6.9m
8) Claude Makalele (Magwitch) - 6.7m
9) Andriy Shevchenko (Andy G) - 6.6m
10) Michael Ballack (SBE) - 5.6m

Most value gained (as above)

1) Jussi Jaaskelainen (Nirvanite) - 9.4m gained
2) David James (DD) - 9.3m
3) Frank Lampard (MT) - 6.2m
4) Edwin van der Sar (MT) - 5.7m
5) Yakubu (Magwitch) - 5.1m
6) Andy Johnson (Terran) - 5.1m
7) Tim Cahill (McKay) - 4.7m
8) Glen Johnson (Egon) - 4.5m
9) William Gallas (Skanky) - 4.5m
10) Darren Bent (Sprout) - 4.2m

Best bargains (biggest % increase in price)

1) Jussi Jaaskelainen (Nirvanite) - +426.9%
2) David James (DD) - +290.2%
3) Tim Howard (Terran) - +225.7%
4) Glen Johnson (Egon) - +224.4%
5) Sol Campbell (Sprout) - +196.1%
6) Wayne Bridge (MT) - +191.2%
7) Dan Agger (Skanky) - +181.4%
=8) Tal Ben Haim (Sprout) - +178.4%
=8) Gareth Barry (Bubba) - +178.4%
10) Yakubu (Magwitch) - 171.0%

Don't expect your money back...

1) Titus Bramble (GreyDesk) - minus 1.2m current market value
2) Anton Ferdinand (SBE) - minus 0.6m
3) Roy Carroll (Skanky) - minus 0.6m
4) George Boateng (McKay) - minus 0.5m
5) Radostin Kishishev (Psycorp) - minus 0.4m
6) Jamie Carragher (Bubba) - minus 0.2m
7) Stephen Carr (Andy G) - minus 0.2m
8) Michael Carrick (Skanky) - 0.0m
9) Robbie Keane (Skanky) - 0.0m
10) Joe Cole (Trin) - 0.1m

B

Wow!

I'm near the top of the best of stats tables rather than dominating the worst ofs for a pleasant change.

Only thanks to your goalkeeper, it should be said.

B

Drogba is there as well.

God Bless Jussi Jaaskelainen because without him id probably be propping up the table.

Yeah, Titus is a bit shit.

My logic for buying him was that he does on occasion score the odd corking goal from defence. Sadly what I hadn't factored in to my buying decision was the piss-poor team that he plays for, and hence the week on week negative points that I was likely to get owing to his team's piss-poor performances.

Media Statement

Club Organcheese are keen to be disassociated from the recent bidding war for Pompey defender Andy O'Brien, whose feet have yet to touch turf this season. Indeed, the O'Brien triplets, completed nomenclaturally by Alan (Geordies) and Joey (Bolton), would to date struggle to put together an aggregate 45 minutes of PP qualification football. Quite why they would be subject of transfer activity is possibly an issue for the League Regulator (fat controller)?

End Statement

Hey! Wassa matta you, eh?

I no be having-a the beergut. These-a fatuous insults will-a result in docked marks if managers do not watch out-a their mouths.

B

I agree. It's a well established fact that Bum-muncher can't handle his beer

**says nothing as he watches Hilario save a Blades penalty**

B

Yeah, Hilario ... us

Ugggh