h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Rupert Bear - A13269486
Author: Opticalillusion - I danced in the Big Dance Class - U231227

A response to a Challenge.

We've been asked to keep quotations from songs down to about 2 lines, for copyright reasons.

If you follow the link you provide, you'll see the date for when the Frog Song was released. It was not in the 1970s.

is this ready for PR?

In the 1930's
=
1930s

8 November 1920
=
8 November, 1920

were extremely popular in the 1950's
=
1950s

running from 28th June, 1935 to 22 July, 1965
=
running from 28 June, 1935 to 22 July, 1965

Many of the songs which feature on the video carry history with them. For instance, track dates back to the time when the The Beatles wrote the song 'Let It Be', the song 'Storm' was also a re-working of 'Sea', track 19 'Seaside Woman' was Linda McCartney's first solo release and track 20 was created by Linda with Wings a group her husband was once a part of.
=
track dates = tracks date

The Beatles didn't write the song 'Let It Be'

and there's not enough punctuation in the rest of that paragraph.

In 1985 he received an MBE from the Queen, which he was unable to receive in person from her.
=
In 1985 he received an MBE from the Queen, which he was unable to receive in person.

Footnote 6: Tourtell died on March 15, 1948, aged 74. = Tourtell died on 15 March, 1948, aged 74.

You need a space between footnote 12 and the word "created"

The Prince of Wales = A6566105

Are you not superstitious, Opti? There's no way I'd present an article with 13 footnotes

Over the years, this well-loved 86 year old bear has experienced fame in fortune in a variety of mediums ranging from newspaper
=
fame and fortune

Excuse my ignorence Opti, but what has the Frog Chorus got to do with Rupert Bear? I was expecting to see a couple of lines from the TV theme tune http://www.cfhf.net/lyrics/rupert.htm

May I suggest http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/974835.stm as an alternative for your Daily Express link, which I doubt will survive the Editing process, assuming this Entry gets that far.

Emmily

As always, Opti, check every sentence that starts with "While". Read it on its own, without the sentence before it. Does it make sense? If so, it's ok. If not, join it to the previous sentence.

in the 1920s Rupert --> in the 1920s, Rupert

86 year old bear --> 86-year-old bear

fame in fortune in --> fame and fortune in

in a variety of mediums --> in a variety of media


ranging from newspaper (Rupert appears every day in the Daily Express), film2 annual and television series -- reword this. If you say "from", it should have a "to" as well.


In the 1930's --> In the 1930s

if someone did happen across a real one they may be mauled to death.
-->
if someone did happen across a real one they might be mauled to death.

(may is for future, might is for past)

I don't think we need the note about Herbert dying. He is not part of the story.

Mary Tourtel or Mary Caldwell --> Mary Tourtel, or Mary Caldwell

Daily Express). came from --> Daily Express), came from

R.D.Blumenfeld --> RD Blumenfeld

Herbert Tourtel who immediately volunteered his wife Mary Tourtel -->
Herbert Tourtel who immediately volunteered his wife Mary

the character and it’s stories -- it's odd to describe Rupert as "it" when he is definitely a "he". I'd say:

the character and the stories

for there is another rumour --> For there is another rumour

Peter Bessel’s (a former Liberal member of Parliament) grandmother -- this is very clumsy. Rephrase it as:

the grandmother of Peter Bessel (a former Liberal member of Parliament)

Having outlived many illustrator, writer and fellow anthropomorphic character of his day.
-- this is not a complete sentence. Having outlived many illustrators, what happened?

8 November 1920 --> 8 November, 1920

some what erratic --> somewhat erratic

You see Tourtel's private life --> Tourtel's private life

were having a real impact --> was having a real impact

14 December 1892 --> 14 December, 1892

"Brought up in Sheffield and north Shields attending local schools." -- this is not a sentence

"his friends and officers girlfriends " -- do you mean his friends and the girlfriends of officers, or do you mean the girlfriends of his friends and officers? Put apostrophes in to show which you mean.

With Graham Hopkins help -- needs an apostrophe

Began painting --> He began painting

At first Bestall thought he may be able to illustrate and write -- use might for past, may for future. This is past.

for the Annual's -- for the Annual's what?

273 stories of Rupert --> 273 Rupert stories

This was the first time that Bestall had actually written and illustrated stories together -- together with who?

The first story, which holds his signature, is called -- there should not be commas here. The "which holds his signature" is not an aside, it is an essential part of the sentence.

"On the available evidence, Alfred wrote and illustrated at least 273 Rupert stories, which constitute almost one half of the total Rupert stories ever written. 224 were published first as strips in the Daily Express running from 28th June, 1935 to 22 July, 1965. 40 were specially written for Annuals " -- you've already told us this in the previous paragraph.

across ITV (or ATV?) -- which was it?

Ruperb Bear annuals --

was of a much more simplistic form than Gerry Anderson's Thunderbirds had done -- had done what? Just remove the words "had done"


"156 episodes were made, thats 4 series, each lasting 10 minutes" -- you told us this in the previous paragraph.

to his home in Bedgelert, Snowdonia mind and -- remove the word "mind"

"Before being transferred to Wern Nursing Home, where he died peacefully on 15th January, 1986" -- another fragment of a sentence

"For much of his life." -- yet another fragment.

"After Bestall's retirement various artists were asked to draw Rupert, but none were as good as John Harrold" -- since you haven't mentioned John Harrold like this, because he was one of the many people.

You need to say:

After Bestall's retirement various artists were asked to draw Rupert; the best of them was John Harrold.

"Harrold was born in 1947 and first started drawing Rupert for the Daily Express in 1973 in Fun to Cook with Rupert his first Rupert the Bear story and annual work14 was in 1976, and for over 20 years he has created covers and endpapers for the Rupert Annuals15 ." -- I don't understand this sentence as you have bunged a whole lot of different things together. Split it up into three or four sentences.

Rupert Bear and his adventures in Nutwood were primarily televised by Ellipse (France) in 1993 -- but you've already said that they were televised by ITV or ATV. So this can't be "primarily".

DVD's --> DVDs

The second footnote, about the Frog Chorus, is unnecessary since you have a whole section on it.

Footnote 6: "During the 1930's" is unnecessary as you've already said this in the main text.

March 15, 1948 --> 15 March, 1948

"Bestall and Tourtal " -- note spelling

G

Please do tell me who wrote Let it Be

>>I don't think we need the note about Herbert dying. He is not part of the story.

I think we do for he volunteered his wife for the job

>>across ITV (or ATV?) -- which was it?

not sure myself anyone know?

Opti, you should certainly be able to research who wrote Let It Be.

In fact, it would take you less time to find out than to type "Please do tell me who wrote Let It Be".

Paul MacCartney wrote Let it Be
Nother

is this ready for Peer Review?

Personally, I think there is far too much about the Frog Chorus.

lets have a vote on it all those in favour of cutting it down and all those against

You decide at the end of the day, whatever way the vote goes, Opti.

Lose the Frog Chorus

My

You shouldn't enter anything else into Peer Review until your Japan entry and your lemon entry are finished to the best of your capabilities.

You're doing very well with those and should stick at it until they're recommended by a Scout.

When they've been selected, then you can pop Rupert into PR. Sound fair enough?

I have a problem with your "tracklisting, it has bullet points and figures, which isn't house-style. Checking the diagnostics of your entry I find:
1. ‘Act 1-Right’
2. ‘Act 2-Wrong’
3. ‘Act 3-Justice’
4. ‘Act 4-Punishment’
5. ‘Act 5-Payment’
6. ‘Act 6-Release’
7. ‘Rupert and the Frog Song’
8. ‘Tippy Tippy Toes (Parents Theme)’
9. ‘Flying Horses’
10. ‘When the Wind is Blowing’
11. ‘Castle of the King Of The Birds’
12. ‘Sunshine Sometime’
13. ‘Sea-Cornish Wafer’
14. ‘Storm’
15. ‘Nutwood Scene’
16. ‘Walking in the Meadow’
17. ‘Sea Melody’
18. ‘Rupert Song’
19. ‘Seaside Woman’ (Linda McCartney)
20. ‘The Oriental Nightfish’ (Linda McCartney)
21. ‘We all Stand Together’ (Finale)

Now you need to decide whether you want bullet points or numbers. If you want bullet-points, then remove the numbers. If you want just numbers listing the tracks, then you need to use this code:

‘Act 1-Right’
‘Act 2-Wrong’
‘Act 3-Justice’
‘Act 4-Punishment’
‘Act 5-Payment’
‘Act 6-Release’
‘Rupert and the Frog Song’
‘Tippy Tippy Toes (Parents Theme)’
‘Flying Horses’
‘When the Wind is Blowing’
‘Castle of the King Of The Birds’
‘Sunshine Sometime’
‘Sea-Cornish Wafer’
‘Storm’
‘Nutwood Scene’
‘Walking in the Meadow’
‘Sea Melody’
‘Rupert Song’
‘Seaside Woman’ (Linda McCartney)
‘The Oriental Nightfish’ (Linda McCartney)
‘We all Stand Together’ (Finale)
That will automatically put the numbers in for you.

If you would like to take a look at the <./>GuideML-Clinic</.> sometime, that's where I learned all this stuff

The paragraphs I wrote are in the wrong place, I'm afraid. If youi turn your current subheader 'Television' into a Header, those two paragraphs should go at the top of that section (so that's the two paragraphs that begin "The Adventures of Rupert Bear was broadcast across ITV..." and end "... Edward Trunk, the elephant."


It should definitely be ITV. ATV was the regional company that made it, but it was shown across ITV.

And I kind of agree about The Frog Chorus. This was just Paul McCartney making the most of his purchase of the rights to Rupert but it wasn't actually a Rupert film, was it? It shouldn't really be more than a paragraph at most.

Great entry though