h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As requested on the front page.....Does this really need explanation? No I thought not - It's what researchers do early in the morning when their 'significant others' have gone to bed in disgust.

I think Onan hold's he patent on this 'device'.

;^)#

Position your body face upwards in a bed. Clasp fingers tightly together. Place hands under pillow. Gently rest your head on top of pillow. When hands go numb begin masterbating. It feels like a stranger has joined you under the blankets.

It's also probably what their 'significant others' have gone to bed to do - there's only so much research one should undertake before taking the bull by the horns so to speak.

I keep falling asleep before my hands do. What would it feel like if you made your hands go numb by placing them in a bowl of ice?

At least some have so's, ah well I am enjoying my life

God if I knew that trick 10 years ago I wouldn't have saw wrists now, actually maybe I would. Too much typing at the keyboard

Tips for experts coming (in the nicest possible way) shortly

If they're experts wouldn't they take a long time to come?

*shakes his head*

Oh dear, that was really bad. However for the records, experts generally would take longer as the many years of practice means they need more friction

Light my fire

Y'know, it's wonderful, right, 'cos I'm looking around for a thread to read and contribute to, right ('cos it's my JOB, as you'd know if you'd seen my home page), and so I'm thinking "Where's a good convo goin' on, then?" and so I go to the front page and I go to the Universal Alco-wotsit page and I look at the convos and it's WA-HEY, way too many in there, and so I click on Bruce's name and his page bloody plays Eric Clapton at me, right, and then I click on the first forum entry I find and it's here.

And so my first forum contribution of the first day of my job as forums person will be in a thread about masturbation.

Justt wanted to let you know, right. Nuffing to say, really, apart from that a friend swears by a pint-glass full of liver. (Eurgh)

-- You ain't seen me, right

Hey Yoz,

Nice to meet you. I hope we haven't scared you off just yet. Yeah there are some low level (as in just above the belt) conversations around, but there are some serious ones too.

But just a word of warning, not good to say your first post is to a thread about masturbation, what will the boss think?

Glad to see you have taken the task in hand, so to speak.

;^)#

sorry for the bad pun

....and you could make a lot of money selling tickets

After two divorces and a belted bank balance, I see now that I should have devoted my life to Mrs Palmer and her five daughters! Much cheaper gratification! From now on..just call me Jack!

Well everything looks clearer with hindsight, but maybe your experience can save a few of us from the same mistake.

i really ought to have known better when i saw the name of this forum. bye boys!

Hope you don't mind if i only wave with one hand!

See you later Mrs. Slartibartfast. I really hope we didn't scare you too much.

Bobsled: People usually wave with one hand, so that should not be a problem. Typing on the other hand could be a problem though.