h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I noticed the other day, during a thoroughly silly and mindbendingly unreal conversation with some friends of mine, that a spot in the air about six feet from our little group's location had taken on a shearing effect that was causing anything viewed through it to look like a Swedish meatball. Soon after we began our investigation into it, however, it disappeared, leaving no trace behind. Now, I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but from my somewhat limited experience on this plane of existence, I'm pretty sure that various buildings/people/squirrels/etc. don't normally go around looking like small seasoned pieces of ground chuck. It occurred to me later that night that the conversation we were having (which was about any random thing someone thought of) might have caused this "hole" to appear, and that the end of the conversation marked the end of it's time here. I hereby put forth the theory that utter contempt for the laws of reality and physics, i.e. conversations about nothing that go nowhere, can occasionally causes small breaches in the space-time-reality curtain.

If I were a scientist...(I am, but don't tell my teachers that)...if I were a scientist I would drop some science on some tests and figure this thing out. I do not, however, wish to spend my remaining days looking over my shoulder for the rogue blackhole that wants revenge for explaining its inner workings.

Anyways, has anyone else noticed bizarre events along these lines?

No - should I have?



And if I had, how would I know - how would anyone know?




Do we exist?



Is there such a thing as time?



What is time?






Oh yes, it's 20.38 p.m.

In a simular thing... some people.. which includes me, act as 'nutter magnets'.... its obviously down to some kind of vibrations or aura given off at a quantum level, that means if I'm in a pub, and there is a nutter there, they'll always* alwaays* migrate to where I am... drawn in by the quantrum magnet nutter vibrations.... it happens every time... your sitting in the train, a nearly* empty carrage, the 'nutter' gets in...
Now, the nutter could sit absolutely anywhere... so why* do they always* chose to sit opposite or next to me? its the quantum magnetic nutter vibrations
Its a little like, I guess, that time when I coughed whilst trying to do up my shoelaces, and the King appeared in front of me, as there was at teh moment I coughed a passing quantum event of some strange nature involving table legs and papper dolyees, which led to his appearnace... Its hard to explain taht kind of thing to your mother in law though and they get freaked out if the king appears too many times...

these are all explainable effects of a manifestation of an L-space conduit

knowledge = power = energy = mass = gravity

too many smart @rses start to up the universe

So... n + QE = (the sum of) E - q * 4 * cat over Dog. I think

OOOKkk!!!

This is all REALLY, REALLY interesting, isn't it?




Isn't it?





Where's my

It's not just interesting...

It's TRUE.

It's the Theory of Quantum Silliness, sometimes referred to as the Theory of Utter Insanity.

Also? It's SCIENCE.

You know what's really interesting?... Well like you know when you've taken far far too much cheese and caffine, and you like hold your breath, and breath through your ears, then like when you fold over and your head like just kind of melts through your body and you can like see this strange thing and like its your own heart and like then those stars all kinda appear and you have to talk to a man called 'Morris' about chicken lampost diving, and then like you get that strange strange feeling in your fingertips and find that your holding the north sea, but like that there is like this big shiney light and then your whole body just kind of melts into the north sea, and the man called 'Morris' just kind of goes over the top and then like the lights all melt together into a giant kind of strange hair-cut, and as it kind of melts into the north sea, which is like you, then you kind of move out from yourself which is like the hair cut sea, the north sea like, and then as the stars all move around and shift, the giant light gets all kind of weird and out of focus whils the hair cut kind of joins the light as you reassemble into the tower of london bridge hanging over the clifftop, just as the hair and stars join forming a kind of weird turny twisty sort of light hair lampost kind of person which then turns out to be like Morris but only like all made of the north sea... well that is kinda intersting ... or weird, I foget which... always amuses me when it happens...

Well that explains alot Now I know where all my stuff disappears to.It all went into a random silly black hole and there was my kids trying to tell me that the fairys did it.

We are well known for having random outbursts of hilarious stupidity.
So I shall keep an eye out for any more occurances.

I think 2legs has got something there.....I mean - really!

When I say, 'got something' I mean, really, y'know?

No. Seriously, I mean it, 'cos it's really, really interesting.....don't you think?

I think thinking is so important. Which reminds me of the time I went fly fishing.
I dunno... maybe I should have checked up in a book or on the net first, to find out exactly what fly fishing was...
Eight hours... eight bluddy hours, and I didn't catch a single fly... however hard I tried, they just wouldn't take the bait... I thought flys liked cheese...

You had the wrong kind of fly trap and bait for where you live. You didn't happen to try cheese in East Anglia, did oyu? If so - no chance. The EA flies are notlactose tolerant - just look around the dairy farms. 'Course, the Pennine flies are a different matter - they can't get enough of the stuff. It's all on Wiki under 'Idiot Flies'

if only I'd known that... yes, it was in East Anglia...

Well, you'll see in the Wiki that in EA you need to bait the fly trap with Welsh sheep tags (the bits of wool fom their bums) dissolved in Snowdonian glacier ice and then jellified in pure glycerine.

I can put you in touch with the supplier if you like - I'm on commission

Aha! And so we come to the crux of the Theory of Quantum Silliness! The introduction of a random element of great sillitude into a sterile field of apathy. The inherent molecular makeup of the random element contains what we have termed the "Beeblebrox neutrino."

The B-trino, as we have come to call it, starts a chain reaction that warps all reality in its vicinity and creates an ultra-dense nonsense field that envelopes all parties involved. We believe that a physical manifestation of this effect can sometimes be viewed by persons in this field, and appears as a pseudo-blackhole that skews the already muddled vision centers of the subjects reality capacitors.

Thus, the perception of Swedish meatball shaped squirrels and the forgotten need to use wool as fly-bait in the EA!!

Elemental, my dear Doughnut!

Yes, but, well, y'know, sorta, well, why? Init?