h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey you're not a freak.

Never let anyone say that to you, regardless of who they are.

Bless you, and thanks you have made my day.

It is easy to believe the bad things people say to you but it takes ages to get to feel comfortable about yourself. Just when I thought I had then I hear this word and it hurst and then I start to look at myself and start to think well, may be she was right.

I read your other conversation, and I know who 'she' is. But sweetheart you're not a freak. She was lashing out at you for what had happened in the past, trying to hurt you. When we get angry, we say things sometimes in the heat of the moment, trying to hurt the other person. Those things aren't always true.



You're not a freak. Only you can define who you are, but I can tell you that what you are is no freak.

You are so thoughtful to care kitush, trouble is she said it a few times. It's like you don't have to look like a freak but I think she meant I was a freak because my mothering skills were not good. Again, it was judgmental of her to say it. I have to say we all need to walk a mile or so in the other persons shoes.

heh. I understand that she's upset. It's understandable given what happened. But it doesn't sound like you were even aware at the time what happened. She doesn't understand what happened as a kid, and she's using you as a scapegoat.

I think you need to sit down and talk to her. Is she seeing a counsellor?

The past is the past. She can't keep blaming you for what happened. She has to deal with the past, and leave it there. Blaming and hurting you does nothing.

You are so right kitush, She has seen councellors but she is very hard headed and I sometimes don't think she wants to leave her baggage behind.

She won't talk to me. I am a good excuse for her do you see? She can drink heavily and she can be a hard bitch at times but her excuse is a lousy childhood and a lousy mother.

She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Small, lovely figure, nice hear, olive skin, she even has nice teeth.

Blaming you and her lousy childhood isn't much of an excuse when you reach adulthood. Sure - people have difficult childhoods. But it doesn't mean that they have to hurt everyone around them, and drink heavily and all. You need to give her an ultimatum to see a counsellor and stick with it. I know that rehashing past is painful, but living in a place where both the past and the present mesh like she is doesn't do anyone any favours.

Absolutely right and I did tell her, but she just gets more angry she is 35 years old now. What can I tell you? We all had this dreadful past but her brother has married and has turned out pretty

I know its painful, but at the end of the day if this is affecting your relationship with your daughter, you need to be very blunt. Tell her she needs help. I might even suggest the tough love route but i know that it may sound too harsh. Maybe her brother can talk to her?

I am in the throws of not speaking to her. I cannot think of any other way to deal with this situation. She has hurt me so much I cannot deal with it. She is old enough now to sort her own life out, she had made it abundantly clear she does not want me around or need me.

I invited her over here for two weeks vacation and it turned into horror night. She got very drunk on the local rum. It would appear that when she is sober which is often I am not suggesting she is a lush she manages to keep it together but when she has been drinking she loses it completely.

I hate to say the obvious but she is like her dad. He knew which buttons to press to make me feel small and my confidence was zero after we had been together for 22 years. I walked wrong, I was the wrong shape, I spoke badly, I said all the wrong things, I was white bitch when he was drunk who he was ashamed off.

I really think the wounds are too deep, I have many many scars but for some reason always stick my head up for more. I am curious to see what is happening next.

Our lives have taken a bad turn again. Somewone has swindled us out of our money, but I will return to the UK and start all over again. If nothing else I am a survivor.

So no chance of getting them to give it back?

We will have to go to court. To be totally honest the corruption over here is scary. We are cocooned in the UK thinking that as consumers we have rights. When we go to a solicitors or Estate Agent or bank there are certain rights that are in place to stop these people from taking advantage of your average joe.

Over here there are no human rights or consumer rights anything. Even if we take them to court as they are all corrupt I don't think we stand much chance of getting it back NO. However, back in the UK I can find a lawyer who maybe can help but at the end of the day we can get on with the rest of our life.

mmm sounds a bit of a pain. Guess its a matter of who you know...

Hi Kitush,
Crept around the back here for a moment. Am a bit tearful today, booked my ticket to go home to UK on Wednesday, just me and the dog. Hubs is staying here to send our car and belongings home.

Feeling a bit sorry for myself. After a year in the Caribbean I am coming home and for that I am gratful, but it is yet another new beginning and I am so fed up with new beginnings that in the end I feel I am some sort of Jonah. I have enjoyed all my life but now hope that everything slows down just a little and I can get some peace.

Then I think well, if it didn't happen here where will it happen? Will have to find somewhere to live and a job. Feeling a little scared at the moment.

I know it will be all right. Thank you for starting this thread it gave me somewhere to hide for a while and tell it my feelings.

It'll work out for you. I'm sure it will. You and your husband sound like folks who bounce back after anything, so you folks will be fine.

Write soon!

Hi Cat

(Sorry if I'm posting to a painful conversation, but I couldn't help think of some cheezy but powerful Zen thought that I was given...)

Think "in with the good" and breathe in deeply through your nose,

Pause

Think "out with the bad" and exhale fully through your mouth.

Repeat

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, this excercise helps me think more clearly.

PS Don't Panic!

Thankyou so much for those kind words. Just today I am feeling a bit down only a bit cos most of the time I am positive. I have tried the breathing and it works, I am going to get off of my large lardy ar*e and get a grip