Smudger Snippets
Created | Updated May 18, 2006
I suppose it's because I have so much time on my hands these days that all these memories come flooding back to me.
The Chimney Incident
I was watching one of those old movies the other day; you know the ones from the fifties when life was so different from these present times: the men wore hats and suits, the women looked feminine in their dresses, everyone smokes in the film and the cars look majestic and stately as they drive round the almost-deserted roads. The fact that I could remember those cars and fashions give away my age yet I must admit I do like watching the old movies as, when I see a particular model of car in a sixties movie, I jump up and tell my wife that I have worked on that model, or worse still, I used to own one. Anyway, as much as I would like to sit here and reminisce all those old days, I must get on with this story.
It was while watching this particular film I noticed that one of the actors looked very much like an old foreman I used to work with many years ago when I was a teenage apprentice, so it just shows how long ago we are talking about here. I was about sixteen at the time and had just finished my pre-apprentice year at college - a full time course that we had to pass prior to starting our practical apprenticeship. I signed up for this as, at the time, if you passed this course it knocked two years of your total apprentice years. Trouble was, right after I had completed it, there was an election and the new government scrapped the whole plan. Another indication as to just how lucky I am I suppose, still not to worry. I worked in the body repair shop which was a smaller building at the back of the main garage. It was, infact, two small units; one for spraying the cars and the other for body repair.
We had our own foreman in charge of our shop but, for some reason which I never did find out, the foreman of the garage section was under the impression that he was also our boss as well. This matter was often a bone of contention between the two foremen and, as result, we apprentices were caught in the middle which was not a nice position to be in.
Our foreman was a quiet, easy going bloke really, which made our jobs and, indeed, our lives a lot easier. Not that it meant we could take advantage and get into mischief as he would soon jump down hard on us when he had to, but he was always fair. The foreman of the garage section was totally the opposite; he was loud, aggressive and, infact, used to bully the younger lads and even some of the mechanics. He always wore this cap that he never removed, which I think he thought was his badge of office, and he strutted around the workshop growling at anyone who he deemed not to be working hard enough. All in all he was not well-liked by anyone really, but was too arrogant to work out the reason why.
One day during the winter, we were having our packed lunch in our own work area, the paint shop, as it was always warm in there due to heat being required to dry the paint. All the garage staff used to huddle around this big pot-belly stove at the back of their large work shop. That was, infact, the only heating they had which made their work area a lot colder than ours. We were chatting away and my mate told me he saw this wierd-looking gun in the back of a car that had just come in after being involved in an accident. We went for a look at it as we were curious. It was only around three feet long and the wooden stock went right up to the end of the barrel. It was then I noticed that there was a small lever at the bottom of the barrel which I turned and that explained it all to us.
It was, infact, a pump-up air rifle and that lever I found was where the pellets were loaded. So, being young and curious, we decided to try it out as there was a tin of pellets lying beside it. My mate said you had to pump it ten times to get the best power but, infact, I could only get eight pumps and it wouldn't go any further. I loaded it and, despite my mate trying to take it from me, I held it up to look for a target and scoured the sky line. My mate then decided that the aluminium chimney coming from the workshop would be a good target and that, in his opinion, judging by our range which was about forty feet, the pellet would go straight through.
I disagreed with him, saying that the chimney was too thick, so taking careful aim I fired. All at once we heard this loud bang and saw a little bit of soot fly off from the top of the chimney. Then we heard this almighty roar coming from the inside of the workshop - from all the men in there at the time. We realised right away that we were in trouble so we put the gun back in the boot of the car, covered it with the blanket and took to our heels.
Now we never had time to climb the six foot high fence that surrounded the garage grounds, so we hid amongst the pile of written-off cars that were all smashed up and stored beside our work shop. Then we saw them all as they came rushing outside. They were all black with soot and coughing between shouts. They were all totally covered in the soot that must have come pouring down the chimney into the stove. We were too scared to move or do anything but, when the garage foreman took off his cap, my mate burst out with laughter. I covered his mouth with my hand but then I, too, broke into a fit of laughter.
You see, all we could see of them all were their eyes and teeth, but when the foreman removed his hat we could see his totally white bald head, which made him look even funnier than the rest.
They knew it was us as we were not to be found in our usual place when they came to check on us and we could hear all their threats to our wellbeing as we hid amongst the smashed cars. Oh! They got us in the end over the next couple of days but, believe me, all the bruises and pain were well worth it just to see that foreman covered in soot with his bald head in full view.
