In Other Words
Created | Updated Oct 10, 2003
I'm angry. You want to know why? I'll tell you why! It's all these con flabbid child prodigies popping up all over.
The cream-of-the-crop blessed-by-God kids who could do my physics homework in their sleep. I think my parents may have missed the memo. 'All parents who want a child prodigy, please line up here.' I'm pretty sure they accidentally went to the line for 'Parents who want a child who will be made fun of for the rest of their life.'
If I sound jealous to you, well that's because I am. I'm sure you've all heard about Sho Yano, the twelve-year-old genius attending Chicago University's Medical school. This kid makes me SICK. An IQ over 200, acquired a 1500 out of 1600 on the SAT1 test at the age of eight, was doing high school work at the age of four, and mastered a waltz by Chopin at three. This forces me to ask myself: 'WHY HIM?! Why not ME?!' I have to practically cheat my way through calculus class, and this brainy child is dissecting cadavers. Very much unfair. I of course blame my parents. Why'd they have me watching Sesame Street and playing with Lego when they should have been forcing me through some prestigious preschool, the building block to my advanced education?! Curse you, mother and father! It's all your fault that I don't know how to find the measure of angle B! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid (at least as far as I know), but I'm no genius either. I wish I had my own little child prodigy. 'Here, little child prodigy,' I'd whistle whenever I had a physics quiz. 'Quick, little child prodigy, what's the velocity of object A?' And my little child prodigy would tell me the velocity of object A, because that's what little child prodigies do. I'd keep it on a leash so it didn't run away, and feed it scraps of my cafeteria food. Haha! Just joking! I'd never treat another human like that; I'd definitely keep in it a box, not on a leash! SHEESH!
Of course, maybe it's not too late for me to be a child prodigy. If I work reeeeal hard, and pray a lot, I can pull it off! I can see the headlines now: '17 Year Old Girl Masters Art of Making Mac and Cheese!' Okay, so it's not exactly numero uno on the prestigious list, but it's a start. Plus I still am a little fuzzy on how to make mac. and cheese anyway... I know it involves cheese... lots of cheese. No, no... you know what? I don't want to be a stuuuuuupid child prodigy! Who'd want to be all anti-social, and smart, and good at everything, and envied
by all your peers, and in the newspapers, and on TV ANYWAY! SO HA! Maybe I should just stick to being regular ol' me. DZ, the one who can sort of play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. DZ, the one who can kind of scrape by with an A in math. DZ, the one who can sort of cook stuff... in the microwave. YEAH! GO ME! I rock, man! I love being average... kind of. Those dumb ol' child prodigies can go, like... do their thing. Cuz I love being halfway good at a lot of stuff and really good at practically nothing! Anyone who disagrees with me, let me know; I really need a self-esteem booster right about now.
Your Little h2g2'er,
