Core Curriculum
Created | Updated Sep 10, 2003
I went to the park with Verminette, and she enthused about her teachers. She made me remember a teacher from my own pantheon. And then this sort of fell out of the sky. I hope it strikes a chord.
Wish I was mister smiff.
He's the best teacher.
He's got a dead flash car and a united season ticket.
It was vinnie told me about the ticket.
He even talks to vinnie and the big kids sometimes.
Bet none of your teachers'd do that.
Course, the girls love him.
You should hear them, giggling in the corridor after he's gone.
They'd probably all show him their knickers if he wanted.
Only he doesn't, cos he's got a proper girlfriend.
Vinnie's seen her.
She's got big boobies and a white skirt and it's dead short.
Anyway.
I was in the school last week.
Yeah, I know I shouldn't have.
And I know it's summer holidays.
You fink I'm stupid or somefing?
I was on the field.
I was looking for the hill, right?
I mean, it isn't anywhere else, so it must be there.
I was sitting on my bike, in the middle of the field, looking for the slope.
It was going the wrong way just there, so I went a bit furver.
I went right up to the car park.
And then smiffy came out the door.
I like ran straight into him.
'What you doing here, Billy?'
he said.
Billy!
Not stephenson.
He really called me billy, honest.
He was dead mad though.
Well, OK, but he was like really strict.
He said I shouldn't be there, and what was I doing and that.
So I told him about the hill.
For a minute, I thought he didn't get it, and that he was as fick as vinnie and my dad and all them.
Then he explained it right back to me, only in a real cool way.
He explained it like this :
So you only like riding your bike downhill, and you're looking for a route from your house and back to your house that only goes downhill?
And I said that was right, and I'd remember that way of saying it, cos people would understand it properly.
And then he said somefing really surprising.
Well billy, he said, I fink you've got two problems here.
First, if your hill is in the school grounds, then you and me will have to keep quiet about you using it. That wouldn't be so bad, I suppose. But there's a bigger problem.
I was really disappointed for a minute, cos I fought I knew what he was going to say.
I fought he was going to say its impossible and I was stupid, like vinnie does.
I was getting ready to tell him about my marble game, the one what really does it.
But he didn't say that.
He asked me what my life was going to be like if I just want to go downhill all the time.
Well cool, I said.
That so?
he said.
He was looking right at me, and he was smiling.
I'd have been dead proud, only I was real scared.
Can you really kick a ball from one end of that pitch to the other, I said, cos my bruver says you can.
He just carried on smiling.
Anyway, what are teachers doing here in the holidays, I said.
I was trying to fink of questions cos I was worried about the one he'd asked me.
I was really confused.
I fought he was going to be my friend, only now it was going all wrong.
But then I saw he was still smiling, and he said :
Sometimes we all have to go uphill, Billy. I was looking for your hill too, when I was a bit younger. That search got me where I am today, which is OK, but now I know that it could have been better. It could have been really amazing, in fact. Do you want to know how?
You bet I did.
You find a really big hill, one that goes up and up. You climb it. You push your bike when you can no longer ride. You carry it even, if you have to. You get to the top of that hill, and you get your breath back, and you get on your bike, and you ride down the other side with the wind in your hair and it feels more exciting than anything you've ever done before.
I fought about it.
I could see that, yeah, maybe.
He opened his car door, and frew his books and stuff in the back.
Do you live at the top of the hill, or at the bottom, Billy?
At the bottom, mister smiff sir, I said.
He grinned.
You're lucky, Billy. The bottom of the hill is a good place to live when you're young. It means you always get to come home downhill, so you come home on a roll. That momentum will help you to get a place at the top of the hill when you're older. Then you'll come to see that living at the top of the hill has its advantages too.
He got into the car.
See you in September, Billy. We'll work on kicking the length of the pitch, OK?
He drove off with a well cool scrunch in the gravel.
He waved wivout looking, like you can when you're in a flash car.
It was all shiny in the sun.
He really said all those fings, yeah.
It all really happened.
I don't care if you fink I'm a liar, cos I know it's true.
So what did I do next?
I fought about it for a minute, so I'd remember everyfing.
Then I got on my bike, and rode up the hill.
