My Life as a Boozy Oaf

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Bank Holiday Rant

So, there was no Post last week. And why was that? There were good reasons - our illustrious editor had gone for a much needed lie down - and bad - it was a British Bank Holiday. For my foreign reader1 a Bank Holiday is a National Holiday, such as Easter or the 4th of July in the US or Bastille Day in France, to pick two countries who detest each other. However, this Bank Holiday in particular annoys me.

You see, it isn't a holiday in Scotland yet this gets forgotten by our Nodnol TV schedulers far too often, resulting in me staggering home from work to a totally screwed up TV schedule and plenty of news about happy sun bathers in Torquay. What is most annoying, however, is that I get so annoyed and wound up about a day off in Englandshire that celebrates absolutely nothing. It is the last weekend in August and it might just be sunny. That's it. In France they have a holiday dedicated to beheading the taxman and in numerous countries round the world they have a special day to celebrate getting rid of the snooty blokes who keep gratuitously loosing at sport. But not the English.

Granted we Scots do get a national day off that doesn't celebrate anything in particular, but the 2nd of January is vital for shaking off the hangover we acquired on the 31st of December (and environs) and so at least has a purpose.

Now this makes me think that perhaps we in Britain should arrange a few more holidays that are there to celebrate something. Obviously there are the relevant saints days but these don't apply to the whole UK, atheists or those who do not believe in dragons. So perhaps we should have a specific UK day. Perhaps the old Empire Day, only suitably renamed to Not As Big As We Once Were Day or The United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, The Isle Of Man, The Channel Islands, Gibraltar, a few lonely islands in the Atlantic, some Tax Havens in the Caribbean, that US air base past Africa somewhere, Pitcairn, some Penguin fanciers in the Antarctic and The Mighty Rockall Day. On this day we could band together as a nation, play games of 'Where's that island?' and all grumble about the amount of traffic on the roads safe in the knowledge that at least there is a point to it.

Next time - 'How much!' A plumbing saga.

My Life as a Boozy Oaf



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