h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Despite the expense, I've moved it here for a better view.

Y'all come on up 'n have a sit.

Discussions, arguments, and banter are all welcome, so that the other threads can do what they should do.

I reserve the right to ignore anyone I want to and offer anyone the same privilege.

Barton

Wanders in with a cold beer...

Nice place you've got here... and a nice view of the riots over there ==>

**points to the other threads**

I've decided as we can't actually do anything I'm no longer going to get wound up about this and just sit back and enjoy the show.

Welcome. The cold ones are in the cooler and the shine is over there in them ball jars.

They're both domestic which means the beer is cheap and the shine deserves a lot of respect.

Pull up a chair and wait for the fireworks, which may never come but so what, as long as the beer and shine hold out.

Barton

Hmm, all we need now is someone playing the banjo and a mangy old hound dog lying in the shade and the image is complete...


Let's try some of that moonshine then...

**pause**



Boy! That's good stuff!


Hmm, so when does the firework display/gloatfest begin then

Who knows?

What's the rush?

I've got plenty more shine under the porch.

You know, when that stuff gets to feeling a mite too strong, I like to chase it down with this lousy beer. Makes you realize what the good things in life are worth -- at least, till you stop caring one way or the other.

I've always thought that was why shine is best in a Ball jar. They ain't got no handle and they're awkward enough that you never need to worry about strippin' the paint offn the porch. Or somethin like that.

Barton

Actually, if you've ever the chance to try a glass of 'real' vodka, preferably manufactured in a dingy backroom in Soviet Moscow during the cold war, you'll probably like it (as you seem to have a taste for shine)...

**mind wanders**

Ahh, and if only I could get hold of some of those cigarettes with the cardboard filters I'd be in heaven (Socialist heaven of course )

:Replacing his beanbag chair with a rickety rocking chair:

Y'all kin keep that 'shine. I'll stick to dis refined stuff.

::Takes a swig of 5yr old cask strength whiskey::

HHMMPH...ya...dat's ..ahh.. yea, good that is.

CZ turning a bit pink

I don't think I've ever sat out on someone's porch actually.

Hmm. That's obviously more interesting to me than to you. Anyway, I'm here.

*sits down and shuts up*

D

I've got a big lazy hound dog
He's all hound, half bloodhound.
I think he has the look you need.
*shuffles feet , trips over dog & falls on face*

The cigarettes are easy, Buy the cheapest non-filtered ciggies you can find with nothing but Turkish tobacco. Wrap each cigarette in notebook paper, then attacj a two inch tube of cardboard. Pinch the cardboard at both ends and smoke the foul things.

If you want to get really authentic you need to mix in some powdered dung to slow the whole thing down, but that requires re-rolling the cigarettes.

Alternatively, you could achieve a simiar effect by merely dropping the tobacco mixture back in the original paper tube and tamping it down till you have about three quarters of the original tobacco in the tube.

But, I don't know why you want them furrin smokes. We got stuff just as bad made at twice the cost and effort in modern factories from scraps of tobacco that fell out of the other machines, was scraped up off the floor, carefully cleaned to remove nearly all of the insects and mouse droppings, then packaged cheaply and sold for a fraction of the cost as 'Generic' brand cigarettes at filling stations that nearly make more money off of the smokes than off of the gas (petrol) sales.

Try lighting one of them after a swig of the lightning.

As far as potato likker goes, if it comes from a still and it burns then it's probably all right. But, good old corn, depending on the recipe, is still some of the finest stuff around.

Barton

Does the dog mind being called Blue?

He don't have to come or anything.

Here, Blue! Not bad, he barely even picked up an ear.

Nice, Blue! He's got that 'be in precisely the wrong place' act down pat. I didn't even see him move.

Great dog.

Barton

He will be pleased providing an occaissional ham bone will be reward enough for him. He helps to keep the flies away from you. Watch the ears, he hates em stepped on. Doesn't mind a bit o tabbacco spit or moonshine but hates them ears being stepped on. Tho he won't bite even then....
(I'll just whistle if I need him)

We got it all then.

We got a roof, a place to sit and watch, beer, corn likker, a dog, me, and all of you and a dog called Blue. The snapdragons are snapping off little spurts of flame, the mandragons are singing in time, and the mantraps are just doing their usual lying about waiting for womantraps to get things moving.

What more could we ask for?

Well, how about some statistics? Okay, I'll get to work on them. Then we can have fun pretending that they mean something.

Barton

Does everyone have a trusty ol' pocket knife? Case or Buck preferably. Here's a few nice sized sticks to whittle. I think I'll try to whittle a few chain links. There's lemonade, sasparilly and sweet iced tea in the ice box.

CZ ...mumbling something about how the stripers have been bitin' lately.

**wakes up suddenly**

Whassat you say???

Strippers? biting?

Have I been missing all the fun?

(Didn't think it was THAT sort of front porch!)

Consarnit, Whisky... STRIPERS, not strippers. You been fishin' in the wrong pond again, I tell you what. You don' know bass from **s.
Heeheehee

CZ continues whittlin' and grinnin'

Hrrrmmphhh!

**grumbles to self and slowly drifts of back to sleep**

Some people have all the fun

**starts snoring**

Okay, folks. Based on the assumption that the Italics don't care what we say but only on how many of us say it. Here is the results of my check on the only two pertinent threads (to the Italics).

Restore has 72 posts by 14 people
Don't Restore has 16 posts by 9 people

If we assume one resercher one vote then it's 14 to 9 to restore, with a little more than 60% in favor.

If we assume its merely the number of posts then its 72 to 16 to restore, with about 82% in favor.

If we want to get a bit more strange we can consider that 72 / 14 = 5.1428571428571428571428571428571 and that 16 / 9 = 1.7777777777777777777777777777778 indicating that the average interest is in favor of restore by 3.3650793650793650793650793650794 with a bit more than 74% in favor.

However, at this point, none of these figures are statistically significant given a universe that includes all the registered members of h2g2 and ignoring, as usual, all the researchers who aren't involved with h2g2 any more and particularly those who left in protest unless they have strong family connections to someone high up in the BBC.

The only possible conclusion at this point is that, statistically speaking, none of this is happening.

This explains why the Italics have not had anything to say on this matter other than the brief anomaly, elsewhere, of a message saying they were checking into it.

Bringing to mind the old expression, 'storm in a teacup', Which indicates that nothing is going to come of our interest pro or con unless it threatens to break the teacup and the teacup is actually important to someone who matters.

Now, I'm going to drain a jar of shine, scratch Blue behind the ears a bit, pickup my banjo, and fall asleep before I even begin to tune.

Barton

5.1428571428571428571428571428571
1.7777777777777777777777777777778

Isn't it about time someone emptied that spitoon?

Nah, Blue'll get thirsty in a bit.





Lord, I apologize for that. That watn't right of me, making such a desgustin' joke like dat, what wit all these nice folks just a whittlin' and drinkin' sasparilly and shine and not hurtin' anybuddy. I apologize and I promise I'll try to better next time.