h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: From Backroom to Beerhall - Hitler's Munich Years - A11303173
Author: benjaminpmoore - U3508889

Is this too long or too boring? Is it incomprehensible at all?

No, I found it quite interesting.

I've a few points after my initial read through, if I may?

Goebbles, Goring and Himmler ---> Goebbels, Göring and Himmler

A defeated and embittered nation governed by an unpopular democracy installed at the insistance of the victorious nations and subject to the, arguably unecessarily harsh and punitive, terms of the Treaty of Versailles was the nation to which Hitler and a vast number of demobbed soldiers returned after the War
take out the comma between 'the' and 'arguably'. Might be worth swapping the front and back ends:
The nation to which Hitler and a vast number of demobbed soldiers returned after the War, was not as they remembered it: a defeated and embittered country, governed by an unpopular democracy (installed at the insistance of the victors) and subject to the terms of the Treaty of Versailles, which were arguably unecessarily harsh and punitive.

In the same way, maybe consider rewording
'the extreme right -who had now regained control of the region after much struggling- was keen to assert it's authority and paint the left- bolshevics, communists and socialists- as the enemies of the province, and the cause of the all the disturbance. For this they utilised, among other things, the army'
to something like:
'the extreme right, who had now regained control of the region, was keen to assert it's authority and paint the left (the bolshevics, communists and socialists) as the enemies of the province, and the cause of the all the disturbance. For this they utilised, among other things, the army.'

would survive demobilisation ---> would avoid demobilisation
'Hitler was sent to size up' Who sent Hitler? the Army? - this links into the aftermath paragraph better in that case.

'As it became more and more apparent that the party's expansion -bigger audiences were producing not only revenue from ticket sales, but also an vastly expanding membership'
sounds a bit odd when you read the next paragraph:
'the party was still short of cash. Here Hitler got a lucky break, attracting among his new-found following admirers who were able to provide financial support and introduce the party to other backers who provided both finance and political influence'

That's it for now, and the rewordings are up to you.
I'll try and read the other Hitler entries you've written as well.

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, I've had to find time to get through all your points. There are, I can see, a couple of really poor sentances in there, which I have modified. I have tried to address all your ideas- hopefully you will have time to see what you think.

I'll have a read through at lunch

What better way to enjoy a well earned rest and a bite to eat than by reading about the medical ailments of a well known Nazi dictator?

something came up at work (bleeping real life!) will try at the weekend.

That's what I've always enjoyed about unemployment- you get so much more free time to read

Hi benjamin, I've eventually managed to read this entry, and there is a long list of things I've found, but as I'll be away for a holiday tomorrow, I'll just post it now, and then see if and what you've made of it once I'm back. Sorry the list is so long, but don't let this discourage you, it's a fascinating entry and well worth working upon

the bulk of the success Hitler achieved with the party in these early years was the result of his own input and the changes he made under his own steam are alarming testament to what he was capable of achieving with little support or organisation. - You'll need a comma after 'input', or you can make two sentences: ...input. The changes...
Not sure, but maybe put an indefinite article before 'alarming' - an alarming testament ...?

also acceptthe new - accepted the new

nation Governed by - governed

Munich, ...., was in the ... it's still there

Since it's unification - its

Capital - capital

unheaval - upheaval

at it's greatest - its

it was extreme right, predominantly the existing military, political and judiciary elite, who had established - that sounds a bit incomplete to me, ..it was the extreme right,...?

colleages - colleagues

nationalism with the city, - within the city ?

coincided with it's attempts - its

also an vastly - a vastly

drugery - drudgery

bureacracy - bureaucracy

mordern - modern

-nationalsocialste so that now the Nationalsocialist Deustche Arbitte Partei, if pronoucned -NSDA Partei- as an accronym, sounded like 'NAZI'. - nationalsocialist (?) ...Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiter Partei ..
No. Don't know about then, but the SOUND of 'NSDAP' when spoken ( five syllables) hasn't got anything to do with the pronunciation or term of Nazi; as far as i know, it comes from the German way of pronouncing 'national' like: na-tsional , sozialistisch like so-tsialistisch, and I think it's just a shortened form of: nationalistic ( pronounced German), but I don't know who coined the term and when.

was her dwarfed - he

Here Hitler got a lucky break, attracting among his new-found following admirers who were able to provide financial support and introduce the party to other backers who provided both finance and political influence. - This is not very clear, maybe replace 'following' with 'followers' ?

in some areas Hitler wasd - areas, Hitler was

ultimately causes - caused

to it's advanced - its

aggreesive meetings - aggressive

aggitation - agitation

to avoid be beaten to it by, - to be beaten

triumpherate - triumvirate

Naively allowed the - naively

a quicky drop - quick

Local troops - local

srpung up - sprung up

reglar - regular

scehmes - schemes

amry - army

B'Elana has covered most of the things I was going to add, but I'll stay subscribed

Okay, that's all the changes covered, I think, except the 'amry' one, which I couldn't find. A few ammendments made to allow for the changes- what does anyone think now?

Thoughts from a complete ignoramus of German history:

"After the war Germany was forced..." I know it's patently obvious to anyone with half a brain that you mean the first World War. But I tend to interpret "the war" to be the second World War, particularly when mentioned in context with Hitler. It might be worth exlicitly stating the first World War to set the scene more thoroughly.

"Germany also accept the new socialist Government..." - also accepted, or had to accept?

"...that Hitler returned." - Returned from where?

"...it was extreme right" - the extreme right. And in the explanatory footnote: winh -> wing, and tradditionalism -> traditionalism

"His role having initially, ironically, required him to encourage support for the post-war Socialist administration, a change of political circumstance in Bavaria found him now in his more natural position, delivering speeches (often with familliar pro-German, anti-semeitic content) on behalf of the Right, which had reasserted itself dramatically in Bavaria."
seems to me to fall more naturally into two slightly amended sentences:
"His initial role, ironically, required him to encourage support for the post-war Socialist administration. However a change of political circumstances in Bavaria found him now in his more natural position: delivering speeches (often with familiar pro-German, anti-semeitic content) on behalf of the Right, which had reasserted itself dramatically in Bavaria."

"As it became more and more apparent that the party's expansion -bigger audiences were producing not only revenue from ticket sales, but also a vastly expanding membership7- Drexler offered Hitler chairmanship of the party several times"
or, without the parenthesis:
"As it became more and more apparent that the party's expansion Drexler offered Hitler chairmanship of the party several times"
doesn't make much sense.

"...a pheonoetic abbreviation..." - do you mean phonetic?

"...the world of Bavaria politics." - Bavarian

"The party having built it's popularity on action could not continue to sustain their level of intense support with a program of agitation and a degree of opposition to parliamentary democracy that invloved little pracitcal power for the party."
I'm not at all sure what this sentence is trying to say. Also, pracital -> practical.

"...make it's move..." - its

"Bavarian Triumpherate" - Triumverate

"...ultimately with apparent success" seems a slightly clumsy construction. Perhaps simply "with apparent success"

"...he left Ludendorff in charge..." - How did Ludendorff get involved in the Putsch? I got the (probably wrong) impression from your earlier mention of him that Ludendorff should be a rival to Hitler. Why would the famous war hero support a "relative nobody" in such a dangerous enterprise? It almost sounds like Ludendorff was subordinate to Hitler in the Putsch, which again seems a bit of a non-sequitur from the previous mention.

All in all, pretty good but slightly confusing in a few places. Very interesting, though!

P.S. the "amry" correction is in the final footnote, to Mussolini's "march on Rome".

Okay, I have corrected the errors you mentioned and made changes to allow, hopefully, for the points you raised. Have they done the job?

Yep, I think that's cleared most of it

As I said, fascinating stuff. I'll keep an eye out for the next installment!

In which case you'll be thrilled to hear that 'Adolf Hitler: The Wildnessness Years' will begin pre-production soon. In the mean time any other thoughts, complaints or fullsome praise directed at this entry will still be appreciated.

Is this still being worked on? I've posted on another thread at F57153?thread=2827483&skip=40&show=20#p80288506

Alex