h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I find it very difficult to make friends. I have a wide circle of good friends, but none of them are what I would term 'close'.

It does get me down at times, I have to admit.

Dear Abi

Online friends can be just as close!
you can even hug with smilies now.

I find it better when friends introduce you to people
My sister is really shy and it used to get her down but now she just spends all of her time with the blokie and the rabbits!

Gotta go as it is time to go home!
Catch you soon
Big Hug
Haz

Oh thanks Haz, I feel better now.

I agree- it's easier if you're introduced to someone else by a mutual friend, but I guess that's down to a lack of confidence.

I find it very hard to make new friends. I always start with good intentions, but find part of me saying "why would they want to talk to me?"

I have a very wide circle of friends, but only a very small number of them I would consider as good friends. Most of them are more acquaintences than friends.

TK

Hi everyone,

I have to admit that I have a wide circle of friends too, but unfortunately not really 1 friend that I can talk with about everything... Who I thought was my best friend doesn't have time for me anymore, because she fell in love with a girl in the USA and now talks with that girl all the time

I hope to make some friends here. Are there any people around here who are just as crazy from the UK as I am? Or just people I can have a nice conversation with... I am a lesbian living in Holland, so some people might not want to talk to me because of that. That's also something, I would like to talk to people about. My relationship is a really important part of my life...

Anyway, I guess I have bored you long enough. Hope to find some nice friends here!

Hugs, Jacqueline

Hi Abi,

What you call a 'wide circle of friends of good friends, but none of them would would be what you would term "close" ' I would call acquaintances. Of which I have in abundance.

But this doesn't get me down. I can count my true friends on the fingers of one hand and have plenty of fingers left.

The point being that acquaintences can be lovely at times, to fill up time, to have a nice superficial chat, to go out shopping together, to share a meal. Whatever. It's all human interaction. And that is quite valid interaction I think.

I am definitely NOT a group sort of person. I prefer one-on-one interaction, though sometimes a third person can add a bit of spark. But more than that, it seems to me that conversation becomes diluted and everyone never says anything real or interesting. It becomes more a 'group thing' of everyone being superficially polite together.

An interesting thing about hootoo is that at times I have had some of the most interesting and challenging conversations with people that I have never met in the flesh. So does this make them 'less' a friend since we are somehow 'virtual friends'? I don't think so. I think this forum sometimes allows people to say things they might not tell someone else in their normal day-to-day life.

Anyhow, I find it all quite interesting.

az

my one true friend died 18yrs ago at 15. we did evthing 2geva since babies - we lived nxt to each ova and used to chat thru the bedroom wall long into the night......

i have many mates, but, no friends.... no1 can replace my best bud!!!!

i do have my fella n my twins tho, so, i am lucky!!!

As long as I have my few close friends to confide in, acquaintances are great - they are more accepting, easier to talk to, not so easily offended. I think it's better to have a dozen acquaintances than a few close friends - there is more variety, better conversation, and more fun.

Have to agree with you about interaction - one on one is better. When there is a group you always have to pause, because what one person find hilarious another may find pathetic. Most often in groups there is only one or two people you actually want to talk to - the rest are hangers on.

I actually chose my words quite carefully. I don't call them acquaintances because that sounds incredibly casual. It doesn't underline the emotional link I have with these people. I have known these people for years, been to university with them, gone to their weddings, watched them reproduce. We tend to meet up at occasions, birthdays, new year etc etc

I just don't feel that I can ring them up on a daily basis and moan about how miserable I am. It seems like an imposition.

>>> 'watched them reproduce'

Be careful what you're admitting to, Abi...

Justin,

Well,if she *is* watching them reproduce I think we can safely say they are not just 'casual acquaintances'.

az

Oooh that does sound very dodgy!

I meant I have watched friends meet other people, marry them and become parents.

Abi,

But seriously folks ...

I do agree that calling people 'acquaintances' does sound a bit cold. I think that there are just many many levels of friends and friendships and that all of them are good and necessary for us to have.

I suppose I would call someone an acquaintance if my relationship with them was very casual and superficial.

Meanwhile, it seems I have a plethora of wildly different sorts of friends. Though the people I can call up in the middle of the night when I'm going through a crisis, as I say, I can count on the fingers of one hand. Not that I ever do this - most of the time just *knowing* I could do this if I had to is comfort enough. The fact that I *know* this special and chosen few exist often helps me get through the occasional 'dark and scary night'.

Anyhow, Abi, when you are at a loss for people to call, you can always hootoo. Not quite the same as getting a warm and cosy physical hug, but it seems there are plenty of wonderful people here who are willing to listen and understand. Me included!

kissitos,
az
(oh, did I just call myself 'wonderful'?

Thank you that is very kind.

That is one of the things I have to admit I love about working on h2g2, the people on site are wonderful.

Abi,

Turns out I am not actually 'kind' at all. Have been told by many people that I am a 'total b**ch woman' (ummm, cos I have opinions that sometimes other people don't like?) Anyhoodle, was not saying that to be 'kind'. If you want 'kind' then you probably have to look elsewhere. But if you want 'real' then I'm your girl. And 'real' means that I'm not afraid of listening to anything. And in fact, I am quite a good listener.

az

All this talk about being 'real' has reminded me that I haven't responded to Angela. (and neither has anyone else!)

hi Angelasgf,

It upset me to think you felt that because you're lesbian that others here wouldn't want to talk to you. What difference could that make?

This thread is about friendship. So, at least to me, this includes all varieties of friendships. And no, you weren't being boring in the least. You want boring? Then wait for me to talk about the lovely frienships I have with my cats!

az

I find it very eesy to make friends wherever I am and I love parties because that is where I mingle and love the idea of meeting new people!

I know from some people that the reason they find it hard to make friends easily is because they are either too shy or can't start conversations. If someone is talking about something they know or asks them something though, then they find it much easier to talk with them.

The key is being confident with yourself and with other people. You shouldn't think that people are judging you when you speak, because they are not. They have fears and worries just like everyone and might be just as nervous too

I can say though, that I have certain expectations when it comes to making friends. First of all, I classify "friends" and "acqaintances" differently. For me, friends are people who are interested in hanging around with me, either by meeting up together, going out or calling each other. *Good* friends though are people that I can share my thoughts with and feel I can be close with and acquaintances are just people who I see sometimes and talk to but they don't really show that they want to be my friend.

And about starting over to make friends, I had to do that when I came to England to study. Some of my closest friends from the past are still in Cyprus (my home country) and it is hard when you go to a new country where you don't know anyone. I have made some friends from uni anyway which I could classify as good friends, but now most of them are leaving to go back to their countries or moving away so I won't see them

who wants a big hug then ??