h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

stands on him...(but in a totally friendly and non S&M way)

*stands on Thorn*
no, i can't say i have seen that episode... sounds like i'm missing out though

"Huh... um, owch."

*Somehow manages to slip off his coat in a single-motion and stand up next to it, in such an illogical way,- that everyone is still standing on top of the coat.*

"Neat trick, huh?"

*Is glad that thorn has escaped*

*Starts humming "In these shoes"*

stands on thorn...ouch help help huge amounts of blood,

Cardi falls on to the camera man who falls, whilst swinging camera into the sound man, who's viciously decapitated and who drops his boom mike on to director who is split in half...why oh why it was such a nice day to be punting down the river!

*hoovers Thorn*

"Hey, Oh-um, HEY! Whoaoa... Agh!"
}Crash!{
*The process of protesting getting vacuumed causes Thorn to Trip, and the vaccuum bag manages to detach, causing dirt and dust to spread out, everywhere*

*Apologizes for the "un-cleaning", whilst trying to reattach the variously scattered vacuum cleaner components*

*cleans up by sweeping all the mess under the doormat, which has enlarged itself*

*Looks at vacuum cleaner*
This vacuum cleaner has gone to see its maker. This is an EX vacuum cleaner.

*goes to Hoovers-R-Us to buy new vacuum cleaner but unfortunately uses a Hungarian Phrase Book*
My hoovercraft is full of eels.

N i g h t h o o v e r !

Prys bee!

*Peels a 'warranty' sticker off of it.*
"Says: amphibious vacuum cleaner, model# blah-dity blah," he reads out, shrugging.
"Who'd have known."

Let me in the society! Forget the parrot though, it might not get along with Ari.

I am Jews_in_Space, or Jis, U1574472. I suffer from a not-quite-as-rare-as-my-immediate-family-would-like-it-to-be disease which causes me to endlessly repeat Hitchhiker and Python sketches, so I figured I'd better join quickly before the men in white coats show up.

I'm sure nobody expected THAT!

: Hrmm...

Now which way-was that?
*Goes off stumbling into other places,- in the midst of postulating.*
Ow. , }Whunk!{, etc.

Posstulating, pondering, musing or mulling?

"The answer Is d.) all of the above"
*Hands you a *
Thank you, if anyone'll be needing me (though t'is doubtful ), I'll be in my study, brushing up on theatrical gothicism,- thank_you...
*Makes like a poe character and starts dispairing about ridiculous stuff... yes,- with very ridiculous looking ornate furniture... thank you! * <- }SIGH!{ I wish, sorta.

There are some men in white coats at the door. Shall I let them in or shall I send them away?

I think they're here for my liver. My wife told me not to get into live organ transplants, but I never. Anyway, what about you? I know it doesn't sound good, but theres something that makes it all clear...

The universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding
In all of the directions it can whizz
As fast as it can go, at the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute, and that's the fastest speed there is.
So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.

The Galaxy Song
Composers: Eric Idle & John Du Prez
Author: Eric Idle
Singer: Eric Idle
From the 'Meaning of Life' album, MCA Records MCA 6121

From http://www.gecdsb.on.ca/d&g/astro/music/Galaxy_Song.html

*attempts to remember all the lyrics*

Just re-memer that you're standing on a planet thats evolving
And revollving at 900 miles an hour
Thats 15 miles a minute around the sun
that is the source of all our power
The sun and you and me and all the stars that you can see
Are ------? at a million miles a day
In an outer spiral arm of the galaxy we call the milky way...

I think.