h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You have asked the most important question for the survival of all humanity. And I am now ready to give the answer. Yes, I know all about this. I know who they are. I know. Seriously. I've been working on this for months, quietly determined, driven by my desire to get at the truth. And now I have the truth. And I've got charts and diagrams and everything. Hang on, I'll just get my notes..

Right, you know that singer, Cliff Richard? Well he's a robot.

Now, hang on... I've got it written down here somewhere..

Yes, he's a robot and he receives messages from space through a special arial behind his ear.

No, hang on, that's not it - no its John Noakes who receives the messages. Cliff Richard just types them out on A4 sized bits of paper. Or else, if he hasn't time, he just scribbles them out on Post-It notes.

No - ermmm, now there's something else.. hang on,

Yes, that's it. They are all robots from the future and they live in underground caves. Cliff Richard is in charge. John Noakes is one too. And Phil Mitchell from Eastenders. He only pretends to be a car mechanic. If you look closely, you'll see he never actually does any work. He's in charge of filing.

Thats it. You see, when you read it, how it all falls together. How it all makes sense. You must pass this on. Tell anyone who will listen. And don't eat any kind of crispy pancake. That's how they take over yout brain. Its either that or Battenburg cake. I can't remember now..

Me knws me could count on you my good and dear doctor type chum... to make everything so crystal clear... ~great big huggle~

Thank goodness the 3 people you listed me sticks clear of anyway... Cliff Richard knocked on the wall of the Lair last week wanting to borrow a cup of sugar... as if!!!! Me soon saw him on his way with a clip round the ear... just think me could have been taken in and not only that decieved by this rougish robot...

As to John Noakes... nothing said is best said... and Phil Mitchell... well to be honest me doesn't like to look to closely upon his loutish frame... scares the willies out of me... if me were to posess one that is...

Battenburg cake... wouldn't eat it if you paid me... but crispy pancakes are a worry... me went to the local chinese and had some miniature spring rolls (the veggie ones)... do these count as crispy pancakes as me is sort of worried now...

Greebs..xx

See, if you'd have given Cliff that cup of sugar, you'd have never seen it again. And he'd just pour the suger down the sink, laughing to himself in that demonic way he has.

Chinese Spring rolls - eat away. Very nutritious. Very fortifying. No, crispy pancakes come in boxes in the freezer department and they don't even look like pancakes, more like sad, folded-over remnants of some industrial process that everyone has forgotton about.

I seem to spot a persistant theme in your threads: The clear and decisive craving for 's. And for your all your comments, but especially for giving Cliff Richard a clip around the ear, please accept this token of my appreciation:

..

Oh my.. me didn't think anyone had noticed my little likes and dislikes... ~huggle~... very observant of you...

Greebs..xx